Change of Plans
by JoeMerl
Summary: After Duncan and Gwen's betrayal, Courtney tries to make them jealous by flirting with the person she believes will hurt them the most: Cody. Things spin off in an unexpected direction from there. Eventual Cody/Courtney, AU from "The Ex-Files" onward.
1. Prologue

**(Overly Long) Author's Notes: **Happy birthday to me, and that means it's time for my birthday resolution—the start of this fanfic, an idea that struck me way back in November and has been strong in my mind ever since. It is a rewrite of about half of TDWT, starting with "The Ex-Files" and going all the way past the finale. The main pairing is Cody/Courtney, which at this moment is honestly one of my favorite couples, much to my own surprise. (Blame for that goes to all the great CoCo fanfics out there; seriously, look them up, either through the filters or in my favorites.) The story will also naturally have bits of one-sided Cody/Gwen, Sierra/Cody and Courtney/Duncan early on; the "official" side pairings are Duncan/Gwen, Alejandro/Heather and probably Sierra/somebody to remain nameless for now.

It's been a long time since a fanfic made me feel both this excited and nervous; this is the biggest project I've started in years, and even though I have _way _too many other stories in progress I really wanted to get this one out there. The entire first challenge has already been written (three chapters not counting this one), and I hope to be able to update once a week, probably on either Friday or Saturday; whether or not I can keep up with that goal remains to be seen. Please feel free to review and critique this story; outside of fandom I'm also trying to become a professional writer, so any help I can get improving will be greatly appreciated.

This story is obviously AU. The new pairing itself will affect the events of this hypothetical season, and I've also tried to tweak a few other things to either make the plot less repetitive or to "fix" things that I felt needed improvement. However, I am also determined _NOT_ to just change everything about the show that I didn't like for the sake of my own opinions; any "fixes" I make I will try to develop organically, and some aspects I dislike will remain as per canon. If at any point my writing seems to suffer due to personal opinions I ask you to please tell me.

This chapter serves as a prologue; the beginning of the story proper will hopefully be up soon. I sincerely hope you enjoy this story.

_**

* * *

**_

**Prologue**

_**(TDA Resort, just after the taping of "The Aftermath: II")**_

"_Come on, Courtney**—**don't you think you're being just a _tad _bit __unreasonable here?"_

_"Oh, of course _you _would defend her!"_

"_I don't have time for this**—**"_

_Gwen turned and stormed out of the room; Noah calmly moved aside to allow her while Ezekiel jumped back, startled. She slammed the door as she left, making Cody wince. For a moment all he could do was stare at the door after her until his thoughts were interrupted by Courtney scoffing as she turned her nose up in the air. _

"_Sneaky, nasty little**—**"_

"_Courtney, she didn't _do_ anything!" Cody said exasperatedly._

"_Didn't do any**—**did you see that tape? !"_

"_Yeah, okay, so she and Duncan tripped over each other _once._ Big deal." He spread his arms as Courtney half-turned to give him one of her usual glares. "Gwen keeps telling you they're just friends, why don't you believe her?"_

"_The better question is, why _do_ you? ! Or are you __still deluding yourself into thinking that now she'll finally be interested in _you?_" she asked scornfully._

"_Uh, whuh**—**_no!_"_

_Ezekiel blinked. "But, Coody dawg, didn't you say that you _were_ hoping that Gwen**—**"_

_Cody gave a panicked look as Noah rolled his eyes and elbowed Ezekiel in the arm ("Ow, eh!") Cody turned back to Courtney, looking sheepish._

"_Look, my particular**—**_feelings_ about Gwen don't make any difference. Guys are girls can be just friends**—**"_

"_The kind of friends who kept each other's _underwear_ in their pockets?"_

_Cody's hand reflectively flinched toward the pocket holding Gwen's bra; he closed his eyes and sighed. "All I'm just saying is that you're acting like you're sure Gwen and Duncan are having some big affair behind your back or something, but there really isn't _any _proof of that. Gwen wouldn't do that**—**"_

"_Oh, please, like__**—**_"

"—_and _Duncan_ wouldn't do it either. I mean, the guy's totally in love with you!"_

_Courtney froze in min-rant, blinking at Cody a few times. For a moment she didn't speak, just stared at him. "You…really think so?" she said finally._

_Cody rolled his eyes. "Well, _duh._ Did you miss the whole goofy 'staring at the stars' part of that video? It's sort of obvious he's got it bad for you, Courtney."_

"_Ya got that right," Noah muttered._

_Courtney looked away, biting her lip. Her haughty, angry demeanor had vanished; now she looked thoughtful, even wistful, fingering her hair in an absentminded sort of way. She looked so _normal_ now, Cody wondered to himself, just like any other girl who found out her crush liked her too. He had to chuckle at the thought.  
_

"…_Well, it's not like it matters, anyway," Courtney muttered. She was speaking to herself, and frankly Cody wasn't sure she even remembered that anyone else was in the room. "Even if he did. I couldn't date anybody that undependable. Or crude. Or with that kind of haircut…"_

_Cody turned and gave a sly look to the others. Noah rolled his eyes; Ezekiel just seemed curious to find out where this was going._

"…_I mean, I won't deny that he has a certain…coarse charm about him that's sort of…attractive, in a way. But _pffft,_ he _probably _wasn't serious about any of that anyway. Flirt me with, flirt with Gwen, he definitely seems like the type…and even if he _did_ really like me…I'm _not_ the sort of girl to settle, you know. I want a _respectable_ boyfriend. He would have to change that outfit. And that hair. And no flirting with mangy goth chicks, and he would need to learn _proper _manners, how to be a good boyfriend instead of just acting like such a pig__ all the time—_"

_Suddenly her PDA rang, startling Courtney out of her thoughts. For a moment she looked around as if surprised to find herself still at the resort, then recovered and answered the call, casting a look at Cody and the others and turning away for a semblance of privacy._

"_Hello? Oh, yes, Michael, I**—**what? She did? ! And all of the conditions? You're _joking! _When, when do I leave? …For real? ! OH**—**finally, I have been _WAITING_ for this! This couldn't have come at a better time**—**_yes! Ha-ha!_"_

_She hung up and spun around, and suddenly she looked fierce and triumphant**—**Cody and Ezekiel both drew back in nervous surprise as she grinned, somehow managing to look nasty and euphoric and downright _crazy _all at the same time._

"_I _KNEW_ IT! I _KNEW_ justice would prevail eventually! Do you know who that was? _That_ was one of my lawyers, and he said that the company's legal director just authorized me back onto the game!"_

"_Huh? !" Cody said, dumbfounded._

"_Seriously?" Noah said, quirking an eyebrow in mild surprise._

"Aww!_ For reals?" Ezekiel groaned; after Courtney, he was probably the ex-camper most desperate to get back onto the show.  
_

_Courtney threw back her head and stepped forward. "That's right," she sneered, as if her sudden victory were a well-justified blow against each of the three boys. "_I'll _finally get the second chance that was _stolen_ from me, not to mention a chance to repair whatever damage it is your little weirdo _girlfriend_ did to me and Duncan's rela**—**er, _thing._ Now if you'll excuse me, they want me back on the set by the next challenge, so I have to go and pack. _Goodbye._"_

_And with that she strutted out of the room, any trace of her previous pensiveness totally destroyed._

_Noah rolled his eyes. "Well, it's nice to see the opportunity go to someone so deserving," he said icily. _

_Cody shrugged. "Well, I can see her point…she _did_ get cheated off last season."_

"_Hmph. Still."_

_Cody stared after Courtney the same way he had stared after Gwen, thinking. That girl honestly confused him sometimes. She had spent most of the time at Playa des Losers complaining and throwing fits, yet when you watched some of the episodes from TDI she seemed so…calm, tame and, when Duncan was involved, even sweet. And even though he didn't know her very well**—**and his most vibrant memory of her involved him hanging to his near-death from a hot-air balloon**—**the fact was he _did_ feel a bit sorry for her. He would be lying if he said his own vote-off hadn't stung pretty badly (even aside from the _literal_ stinging of his wounds), and at least that one had been technically fair**—**it seemed like Courtney _did_ deserve a second chance, since she'd only been eliminated so that Harold could spite Duncan._

_But man, Duncan…he made Courtney act sweet sometimes, but _man_ could she be crazy the rest of the time! Like this whole thing with him and Gwen. Cody just couldn't understand what the big deal was. He had plenty of female friends**—**or "let's-just-be-friends," as he called them, since that was the phrase said relationships usually began with. And it was obvious that Gwen and Duncan were only friends. There was no reason to think anything else, even if she _was_ technically single now._

_A fact that Cody had obviously been giving a lot of thought to himself.  
_

_He shook his head. Whatever. He shouldn't be worrying about Courtney right now—she'll be back on the show now, he thought, and soon she and Duncan would go back to their violent/sickeningly sweet romance and the producer's whole plan to shake up new drama would blow over. He'd leave Duncan and Courtney to worry about their own weird relationship. _

_He had his own love life to worry about, after all._

_

* * *

_

_**(Total Drama Jumbo Jet, several months later, just after the taping of "Greece's Pieces") **_

Courtney didn't think she had ever felt worse than she did right now.

She let out another wail, hands covering her face, rocking back and forth on her knees on the bathroom floor; the confession cam could only make out the top of her head, a fact that would irk Chris when he replayed the tape later. Not that Courtney was doing much that would have made for good viewing anyway; she was mostly just crying, crying like she had done everywhere else on the plane, merely using the confessional as a place to get a little privacy from her teammates.

"Oh, D-Duncan**—**h-how _c-could_ you?"

Outside the door Cody shifted nervously from one foot to the other, biting his lip before timidly knocking on the door.

"C**—**Courtney?"

Another wail was all that came in response, and Cody groaned, crossing his knees together and looking around desperately. Sierra was going to come looking for him soon (because, he thought bitterly, her "permission" to use the bathroom was apparently attached to some sort of arbitrary time limit), and since he was about to wet himself Cody cautiously pushed open the door (the lock still being broken), slowly poking his head in and taking in the sight of his sobbing, miserable teammate.

"Um…C-Courtney?" he said, and the girl's head snapped away from her hands as if she hadn't heard his entrance, "I know you're, um, still feeling lousy about Duncan and everything, but, uh**—**I sort of need to use the bathroom, so is it okay if**—**"

**"_GET OUT!_"**

"_Gyih__—_"

Cody's head quickly vanished and the door snapped shut again, leaving Courtney to bury her face in her hands and blubber once more. It only lasted for a moment, though, as her pain over Duncan and Gwen was invaded by new thoughts—anger at Cody for interrupting her, and how pathetic she must have looked to him, down here on the floor, how pathetic she _was_ now, moping and sobbing over some—some _stupid, miserable_ excuse for a _man__—_

Courtney grabbed the rim of the sink and hoisted herself to her feet, her body shaking slightly. She blinked and wiped her eyes with a piece of toilet paper, looking at herself in the mirror behind the camera—she looked horrible, her hair a mess, her makeup running, her eyes blotchy and red and swollen…she straightened herself out as best she could, running her fingers through her hair and wiping her mascara, giving herself a halfway-decent appearance. Then she threw her head back, biting her lip to keep it from quivering.

"L-Look at yourself right n-now. No! I am _not _going to fall apart over this!" She wiped another splotch of mascara as it began to dissolve and forced a fierce look into her eyes. "I have a competition to win, and _nobody's_ going to stop me! But first—first I'm going to get even with those—those _two_, if it's the last thing I do! Nobody treats Courtney Vencedor like that and gets away with it!"

She paused, staring down at the sink. Now what could she do? …Well, there wasn't much she could do about Duncan, except hope that Team Chris would vote him off at their first opportunity. But no, she wasn't just going to sit and wait around for that! And besides, it was Gwen that she wanted gone most…at least she could pummel Duncan in a few challenges while he was around, but she was supposed to compete alongside Gwen, _live_ alongside Gwen, and there was no way she was going to tolerate that! She would be going next.

_Hmph._ She would already have been gone if Cody hadn't gone and played the hero for that lost cause. But if Courtney could just make sure that the team _did_ lose next time…

Courtney set her jaw, standing as tall as she could, willing all of her sadness and misery back behind a dam of angry, vengeful strength.

It worked for about ten seconds before her face began to tremble again, and then she covered her face and sobbed for another half of a minute.

Outside the door Cody shifted in his stance every few seconds. Finally the door opened; Courtney emerged, half-sobbing, and ran past without noticing him, making her way back into first class.

Cody paused for a moment, watching her go; he felt a stab of sympathy, or empathy, really, allowing the crumminess of the last day to wash over the defenses he had set up to try to keep it out of his thoughts. Courtney was really bummed out about this. And no wonder—as much as they always fought, as full as the tabloids always were with their break-ups and their make-ups, Cody had always sensed that the two really cared about each other, or at least had a lot of really potent UST. And now, Duncan had just gone right off and cheated with somebody else—

—_his_ somebody else, actually, that stab of sympathy aiming right for Cody's heart. Gwen. It was something he had been trying very hard not to think about for the last couple of hours—she wasn't even really his girlfriend or anything (unfortunately), but just thinking the words "Gwen likes Duncan" made Cody feel like someone had punched him right in the gut. No wonder Courtney felt so dismal—just imagine if he and Gwen _had_ been dating. She must feel just like he did, but a thousand times worse…

He watched her disappear into the winner's section, letting his loss and sympathy swirl around in his stomach. After a moment he remembered the other, more literal pain going on in his lower abdomen, and slowly turned around, disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.


	2. The Ex-Files, Part 1

**(Overly Long) Author's Notes II: Electric Boogaloo:** Well, I'm not quite sure if I should be posting this now, but I spent today editing and I sort of feel weird sitting on this, so here you go. The next chapter probably won't be until next Friday, however, and from there we'll switch to hopefully-weekly updates. Or perhaps I should do another day? If you have any opinions, please voice them in your reviews.

Anyway, we now start our story at "The Ex-Files," the first episode after Duncan and Gwen's hook-up was revealed. I admit I'm a bit disappointed with this chapter, because it largely reads like the episode in narrative form, albeit with some plot change and a lot of examination into the characters' thoughts and emotions. Thankfully, the next chapter will allow for a bit more deviation from canon, which will build up as the fic goes on to keep things interesting.

You'll notice that this whole "episode" focuses almost entirely on Team Amazon. Throughout this fic I cut out any scenes that aren't strictly necessary; as a rule, unless I rewrite something you can assume that it happened just like it did on the show. Also, the cut-off scenes in scriptform represent the confessional, which you could probably figure out but I just wanted to make clear.

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**"The Ex-Files," Part 1**

It had been more than a day since the plane had taken off from Athens, and things were still tense among the passengers in first class.

For her part, Courtney was doing what she usually did in stressful situations: carefully analyzing her problems and determining a structured strategy for dealing with them in the form of a to-do list.

"_Pummel Duncan…pummel Gwen…wash socks…_"

She suddenly threw back her head and wailed, a pattern that had been running for most of the past twenty-four hours. Meanwhile Sierra was carefully cutting out a Gwen-shaped paper doll, singing under her breath and actually managing to look _more_ like an escaped mental patient than Courtney did.

"…_the cradle will fall…and down__—__will__—__come__—__GWEN!_" She let out a roar, crushed the doll in her hand and suddenly bit off its head. She chewed for a moment, then spit it out angry onto the empty seat next to Courtney, which already contained half a dozen other chewed-up paper wads.

Cody looked up from unwrapping his candy long enough to give Sierra a worried look. The psychotic fan was already cutting out another doll as Courtney had gone back to angry writing. He turned back to his candy, trying to ignore them.

* * *

**Cody:** Okay, I realize that what Gwen did was…sort-of-not-entirely-a-good-thing, but I'm sort of worried that these girls are taking it a_ bit_ too far. (_looks nervous_) I'm more scared now than I was during the serial killer challenge.

* * *

Cody popped another candy into his mouth and leaned out into the aisle, catching sight of Gwen sitting alone in the other set of chairs, looking irritably out the window. She had barely spoken to anyone since Athens…Cody felt a stab of pain in his chest and thought about going over to her. Then he gave Sierra a look as she chewed another doll head and decided against it; so far, she had followed him every time he had tried to go and talk to Gwen. It was sort of hard to express your sympathies when a deranged psychopath was clearing her throat loudly every five seconds and shooting death glares at the person you were trying to console.

Cody sighed, looking away and slumping in his seat. He wanted Gwen to know she wasn't alone, though. That not _everybody_ on the team thought she was a horrible person just because of a tiny, one-time indiscretion.

Because of course it was just a _single_ indiscretion. There was _no chance_ that the time Tyler had caught them kissing could have been anything other than the first. Or that she would _ever_ want to kiss him again, Cody assured himself.

Yeah. Of course not.

Cody sighed wearily, chewing miserably on yet another piece of candy.

And there was another, slightly less honorable reason Cody wished he could be sitting with Gwen right now...because, he was reluctantly willing to admit to himself, he was sort of hoping that she had been impressed by the previous challenge's events. After all, she had to be, right? He had saved her! _He_ had saved her, not some two-bit punk who had been taking a nap while her fate had been hanging in the balance. (That was not an entirely accurate description of the situation, but it was how Cody chose to remember it.) That had to have helped to make her realize how he felt about her, right? That had to impress her...she had to be thankful for that. And he really wanted to hear her say that.

And, while he could totally understand why Gwen would want to stay away from him with Sierra hanging around him all the time, he had to admit he was a little put-off that she hadn't come to thank him herself, if only really quickly.

He looked away from Gwen now, making a face. He popped another candy into his mouth, chewing slowly. He should probably stop eating these, he thought; his teeth were starting to feel funny, and it wasn't like he still had any of the _nine_ toothbrushes he had come onto the show with.

Besides, somehow they were starting to taste a lot less sweet as this season went on.

* * *

Like the others Gwen was thinking about the events of the past few days, and like the others she didn't find them to be particularly happy thoughts.

First of all, she wasn't entirely sure where she stood with Duncan. He and Courtney had "officially" broken up now (during the middle of dinner, and Duncan was still using an ice pack to recover from the argument), though they had never really talked to confirm whether that meant that they were "officially" dating. Which led to a whole lot of issues about being on separate teams, memories about how that had screwed things up with Trent, et cetera, but she did know this: as of that moment, he was the only person in this game she could rely on at the moment.

Among her own team, she was an outcast.

Courtney hated her, obviously. And Heather had _always _hated her, so whether or not she cared about the Duncan thing she was going to milk this situation for all it was worth. Sierra had never really forgiven Gwen for being the object of Cody's affections, and Cody...

Gwen glanced away from the window, catching sight of her friend. He was unwrapping his candy in a distracted sort of way, sitting across from Courtney and next to Sierra. She turned away again, grimacing. He had been with at least one of the others for the entire flight, and to her own surprise that bugged her, a lot. He was her only possible ally among the Amazons, and she couldn't help but wonder if that was even true anymore.

* * *

**Gwen:** You know, I wasn't really thinking about it much, what with the whole Courtney thing to worry about, but...I think I accidentally hurt Cody with the whole Duncan thing. Not that that's _my _fault—I mean, I can't put off dating forever just because he won't take a hint, right? ! (_sighs, blows hair out of her face_) Still, I don't like thinking that I made _two_ of my friends hate me. Especially since I need all the friends I can get right now.

* * *

Courtney flipped the page of her notepad and kept writing, and then, like a well-timed geyser, suddenly threw back her head and wailed again, this time longer and louder than before. Cody flinched, nearly dropping his newest piece of candy, and looked around desperately—Sierra just continued her doll-making as Courtney kept crying, showing no sign of going back to her work. He gulped, looking from one teammate to another nervously.

"Um…there, there, Courtney. Don't cry," he said, giving her an awkward and stiff pat on the knee. "Um, uh—want some candy?"

He held out the piece he had been unwrapping, flashing her an awkward gap-toothed smile. Courtney looked up, finally ending her wail—and suddenly snarled at him, making him jump back in surprise. She took up her notepad and began writing again, grumbling angrily.

Cody sighed again, throwing the candy into his mouth.

Sometimes, even _he_ couldn't understand these girls.

Cody turned and looked past Sierra to the window, watching the dark sky go by. It was night wherever they were, though Cody's biological and digital watch both claimed it was somewhere more in the mid-to-late morning. The whole plane ran on Toronto time, since it was impossible to keep up with the constantly-changing time zones. He wondered if there would be a challenge today, or if they needed more time to get to wherever they were going next. He was sort of hoping for one, to be honest…otherwise he would have nothing to do but sit around all day and endure everybody else's bitterness. He wished Noah hadn't gotten voted off, otherwise he could have at least gone to Loser Class and borrowed a book or something...

Something streaked past the window, too fast for Cody to fully make out. He blinked. Was that another…plane or something? Flying that close, let alone so much faster than them? He stared for a moment, then elbowed Sierra. "Hey, did you see—"

Suddenly the whole plane began shaking, as if they were flying through a minor storm. Courtney and Sierra looked up from their respective "work," as did Gwen from her glaring and Heather from her animated talk with the barkeeping intern.

After a moment the loudspeaker crackled to life, and Chris' oddly-chipper voice rang out through the plane.

"_Attention, potential crash victims! Please remain calm. Out auto-pilot is testing some equipment. Snacks in the common area if you don't believe me and want a last meal._"

"Does that mean we're _supposed_ to go?"

"I guess," Courtney muttered. She and Sierra both looked put-off as they pocketed their equipment; Cody, however, smiled as he rose to his feet, and his smile widened as he caught sight of Gwen stride out of first class, looking sour. Now was his chance. He automatically moved to approach her—

"Whoa!"

—until Sierra grabbed his arm, pulling him slightly back before she began to walk, leading him behind her. "Come on, darling!"

Cody sighed for the third time in five minutes, head drooping as he followed behind her.

* * *

"You call these _snacks? !_ We're all gonna _diiiiii-i-i-ie!_"

Gwen, along with most of the other remaining contestants, watched as Owen shoved an entire bunch of unpeeled bananas into his mouth, sobbing hysterically. None of the others seemed particularly concerned, though, even as the plane was shaking more violently than before—they had flown through turbulence before, and if anything, she was willing to bet from Chris' announcement that this was some sort of stunt to freak them out. (If nothing else she doubted he would have actually stuck around to _make_ an announcement if they were in any actual danger.)

"Looking especially pasty this morning," a familiar voice said playfully from behind her, causing Gwen to turn. Duncan smirked at her, still sporting the black eye Cody had given him.

"That means so _much_ coming from a cyclops," she teased, smirking right back at him. His own smile grew broader, into one of those rare, toothy smiles that he almost never showed.

Courtney recognized that smile instantly from across the room. It was _her_ smile—or had been, once. That particular lovestruck smile that Gwen had _stolen_ from her.

"_UGH!_"

"_Unbelievable!_" a voice said from behind her at practically the same moment. Courtney spun around, a fierce look on her face—Alejandro put his hands up defensively, frowning.

"Forgive me, I'm simply _offended_ on your behalf!" he said, as Courtney put her hands on her hips and gave him a slightly-less-angry look. "Perhaps a little _payback _is in order?"

"Oh, I've _got_ some payback planned, believe me!" Courtney said, turning to Gwen a dark look, her blood boiling.

"Oh, I'm sure you do," Alejandro said quickly, surprising Courtney by throwing his arm around her shoulders and leaning down for a conspiratorial whisper. "But _I_ was thinking, how about fighting fire with fire? How would Duncan like it if _you_ flirted with someone?"

Courtney raised her eyebrows in confusion, while Alejandro quirked his, still smirking as he released her. She turned, thinking about it for a moment—then slowly grinned before turning back to him, nodding.

"That might just be a good idea," Courtney said slowly. She gave him a surprised, appreciative look. "Thanks, Alejandro."

"Think nothing of it, my dear _señorita,_" he said, giving a quick bow before he turned and walked away, hiding his own evil smirk.

* * *

**Alejandro:** (_tapping chin thoughtfully_) Problem: Duncan is a strong player. Solution? Courtney is volatile. She'll throw the Amazons off _their _game, and Duncan off _his_ game too. All she needs is a little _push._

(_chuckles_) I swear…sometimes this game is almost too easy.

* * *

**Courtney: **Duncan will _lose _it! It's basic break-up math. The more mad Duncan gets, the more _jealous_ he looks, the cruddier Gwen feels, the more vindicated _I am._ It's perfect!

(_pauses, taps chin_) But the question is…who am I going to flirt _with?_

* * *

There were five boys left in the game. Courtney surveyed the room, weighing her options.

Obviously, Duncan himself was out. There was Owen, still freaking out and currently chewing on a parachute he had found…pass. Tyler was trying to do pull-ups on an overhanging pipe, chanting something about leaving a "beautiful corpse." Well, he _was_ good-looking, if only in a still-never-gonna-happen sort of way…other than him, there was either Alejandro himself, or—

Her eyes froze on a certain scrawny nerd, who was trying to break free of Sierra's grip as she hugged him close "for protection" from the plane troubles.

Courtney's mouth twisted into a triumphant grin.

* * *

**Courtney:** Cody, of _course!_ Not only is he a weak, scrawny little loser that Duncan would _hate _to lose to, but flirting with him is the perfect chance to make _Gwen_ feel jealous, too! Let's see how she likes it when somebody tries to steal _her_ fawning love interesting, huh? !

* * *

Courtney sidled across the common area just as Cody managed to pull himself away form Sierra's grasp. Unfortunately, he pulled away a bit roughly, so that he stumbled and bumped into Courtney. Both of them let out a cry as they fell to the floor, Cody on top of her.

"_Gah!_ Um—sorry, Courtney!" he said, quickly scrambling himself off of her and bracing for her furious reaction.

Courtney rubbed her head, glaring, but quickly caught herself and forced a smile, giggling girlishly.

"Oh…don't _worry_ about it, silly," she said, climbing to her feet and dusting herself off as Cody blinked in confusion. "Oh, _wow,_ is that a new shirt?" she asked, bending down to playfully poke at his familiar sweater-vest. "It looks _great_ on you."

"Um…thanks?" Cody said, glancing down at his outfit. Behind him, Sierra was giving Courtney a confusedlook, but Courtney didn't bother to notice—she was glancing back at Duncan, who was now standing by himself. From the annoyed look on his face, Courtney guessed he had noticed everything that just happened.

She smirked triumphantly—which nobody else saw, as at that moment, all the lights suddenly went out.

Everybody gasped loudly.

_PFOOT!_

Even in the dark, all eyes shot in the direction of the noise (and foul, rapidly-spreading smell).

"…The dark as my witness, that was _not_ me," Owen said.

Several people probably would have contested this claim, were they not distracted by the plane shooting into a sudden nosedive.

"_AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH__—__!_"

Everybody as the whole plane lurched downward. Courtney lost her footing and went flying through the dark air, slamming into several other people—pain mixed with terror until suddenly the plane righted itself, then quite suddenly it fell again, straight toward the ground about ten feet below. There was a huge _THUD!_ followed by the lights flickering back into existence.

Everybody stopped screaming (except for Owen) and Courtney groaned, feeling somebody's knee digging into the small of her back. She turned around to see Cody lying on top of her again, with Sierra on top of him; as soon as she got off (which required some pushing on Cody's part) he got off of Courtney, sheepishly reaching down to help her to her feet.

"Heh…twice in less than five minutes. What are the odds?"

Courtney forced herself to look vapid again. "Oh…_I_ certainly don't mind," she giggled, accepting his hand. Once again she failed to notice Sierra, who was staring at her with an inscrutable expression in her narrowed eyes.

* * *

The plane had landed in a desert. _What_ desert none of the contestants knew for sure—all any of them knew was that it was somewhere to the west of Athens, which didn't really narrow it down very much. A few minutes after their arrival Chris and Chef had directed them out into the chilly night air, where they stood in a vaguely-organized group, looking around in confusion.

Despite the darkness, Cody noticed that Chris was wearing sunglasses and, more noticeably, what looked like an unstrapped military hardhat with a star decal on it. That gave me a slightly nervous feeling. He wasn't sure any military-based challenges were going to be pleasant; he certainly wouldn't trust either co-host with a gun.

"Everyone, welcome to the coolest, extraterrestrialest place in the world—_Area 52!_"

"Fifty-_Two?_" Gwen said, quirking an eyebrow. "Area Fifty-_One_ is where all the cool alien stuff is."

"This show's so broke we have to _fake_ an Area now?" Duncan quipped.

Chris just smiled. "Nope! This really is Area 52. _That's_ Area 51 right there."

Chris pointed at a large stone formation off in the distance; Cody assumed he meant something behind it, since there were bright lights visible on either side of the rocks. "We're just inside the border," Chris explained. "Well…all of us except Duncan."

As if on cue (and since Chris was involved, that could not be ruled out), a red-white beam of buzzing energy shot out of nowhere and hit Duncan, who indeed had been standing a foot or two away from anybody else. Everybody gasped as the beam lifted him off the ground like a tractor beam, his body crackling with electricity and giving brief X-ray flashes through his skin.

"_Duncan!_" Gwen cried.

While everybody stared in horror and Duncan let out cries of pain, Chris calmly took out what looked like a bulky, camouflaged-colored phone.

"Thanks for the laser show, Colonel."

As if on cue again (and this time more obviously so), the laser vanished and Duncan fell to the ground, now smoking and charred. Chris' smirk grew.

"It's good to have friends in Area 51 places," he quipped. Before Cody could even fully process how lame a pun that was, however, he suddenly jumped as somebody grabbed his shoulders and laughed, _loudly,_ right in his ear.

"AH-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha—_funny,_ don't you think, _Cody?_"

"Um…"

Once again Sierra's eyes widened and then narrowed suspiciously, while Cody followed Courtney fierce, triumphant gaze to Duncan, who was now coughing up small puffs of smoke. In fact Cody had been a bit scared for the guy a second ago, even though he was _far_ from his favorite person in the world right now.

…Though, on the other hand, he seemed alright now, more or less. And it certainly couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

Cody's eyes turned to Courtney, a small smile passing across his face. Then he suddenly heard two angry growls and turned, catching both Gwen and Sierra looking at him crossly. He went into a quick mental panic—er, had to remember not to hate Duncan so much in front of Gwen. Or Sierra. Except—wait, why did she care? She had certainly enjoyed Cody punching him in the last challenge—well, who keep figure her out, Gwen was the one who mattered anyway.

Cody looked away from all of the girls, forcing his face into a carefully neutral expression. Meanwhile Duncan climbed to his feet, glaring at him—but more so at Courtney.

* * *

**Duncan: **Flirting with _Cody?_ I knew she hated me, but I had _no_ idea she hated me that much. _Wow._

_

* * *

_

**Cody: **Is it just me, or is Courtney acting kinda weird today? I mean, she was crying and yelling at me a little while ago, and now suddenly she's all…(_scratches head_) I dunno…friendly or something. Huh.

* * *

"Listen up, space cases," Chris said a few minutes later, standing beside a large flat-screen TV that looked rather incongruously in the middle of the Great Basin Desert. The screen was staticky for a moment, then switched to what seemed to be a layout of the area, with the large rock formation visible in front of a large area blank of anything but some X's and a large "51" logo.

"The Five-One is _the_ most tightly-protected military base _in the world._ _Which,_ is why tonight's challenge is going to be _so much FUN!_ For _me,_" he added, as the contestants exchanged nervous looks.

"Part 1—break into Area 51 without getting shot, gassed, plasma-rayed or otherwise killed." On the screen, a logo appeared for each team, showing paths to take around either side of the rock formation. "The place is guarded by elite black-ops soldiers, so, if anyone does get all…exploded, their untimely but hilarious demise will be blamed on a freak weather balloon accident. Part 2—"

"Um, wait, let me get this straight," Heather interrupted. "You're telling me we're actually supposed to _break into_ this place?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," Chris said pleasantly, flashing his toothy grin. "Is there a problem?"

"Um, _yeah,_" Courtney said. "I'm pretty sure something like this is _really_ illegal. As in, 'cause a major international incident' illegal!"

"Yeah, I know!" From Chris' expression, one might have thought it was DisneyWorld they were breaking into. "And coupled with how much conspiracy geeks want to see inside this place? _Whoo! _We expect _major_ ratings out of this one, let me tell you!"

"So you're willing to risk a war with the United States—our _nuclear-armed_ ally—for the sake of _ratings?_"

"Meh, it takes more than this to cause a war these days," Alejandro shrugged, then chuckled. "Why, with all the international laws me and my brothers broke back at the embassy _alone_—"

Everybody turned to give him a look. He stopped in mid-sentence, then looked away. "Never mind."

"_Ahem," _Chris said loudly. "If I may continue? Part 2—each teammust find a gen-u-ine functioning alien artificat inside Area 51's infamous black box warehouse. The place is _full_ of broken alien junk. You need to find something alien that _still works._ But, be careful! The warehouse is _loaded_ with booby-traps. Part 3—"

"Okay, wait-wait-wait, hold on a second there!"

"_Ugh…yes, _Courtney?"

"Do you honestly expect us to believe we're going to find _real_ alien artifacts in this place?" She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. Heather had a similar stance.

"Yeah, when you say '_genuine_ alien artifacts,' what exactly do you mean? Like, toy ray guns you had interns plant there earlier today or something?"

"Nope. I mean one hundred percent legit, people. These are _real_ alien items them Yanks have been storing up in there."

"Ha. Surely you jest."

"He's pullin' our leg."

"Hey! He could be telling the truth!" Sierra said, looking indignant. "Couldn't he, Cody?"

"Um…maybe?" Cody drummed his fingers together nervously, looking off at the distant rock formation. He actually _did_ believe in aliens, in an abstract "the universe is more than thirteen billion light years across, so there's probably something out there somewhere" sort of way, but the thought of hunting for actual, tactual evidence here and now (through a secret foreign military base!) struck him as kind of surreal. Heck, he had video games at home that made more sense than this game sometimes.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Fine, believe what you want. Just don't come crying to me if any of you get probed in there and weren't adequately prepared. Part _3_—the winning team must bring their working artifact back to Area 52, _intact,_" he said, as the Teams Amazon and Chris icons on the screen reversed their paths and were replaced with a large check mark. "Last team back faces elimination, and _do not_ get caught over there! Rumor has it that trespassors get a memory-wipe and are transferred to an alien colony where they either become slaves…or _food._"

He allowed the contestants to share one last, nervous glance amongst themselves before pointing off toward the rock formation. "You have 'til dawn. _GO!_"

* * *

**A/N:** Aaaaand let's stop now before things actually start to get interesting. The next update will come in about a week; please tell me what you thought, what day you think new chapters should come out, etc.! Thanks for reading!

(Also, while there are half a dozen Cody/Courtney fics I could recommend, people who like this story are especially advised to check out Strix Moonwing's "Candy For Your Thoughts," which has the distinction of being based on _the exact same gimmick _as this story due to great minds thinking alike. Neither of us are copying the other, and yet many little details are the same even as major differences take place in the overall plots we've come up with; it makes for an interesting read.)


	3. The Ex-Files, Part 2

**Author's Notes (Still Pretty Long):** And now it's being updated on Saturday. Better or worse than Friday? I'm worrying about this too much, I'm sure.

I actually got more reviews for the last chapter than the first one! Nice! :-D And I'm glad so many people seem to agree that Courtney flirting with Cody makes more sense than her randomly choosing Tyler. As I've mentioned to a few people, I honestly think the writers just chose him because they knew he was getting voted off that episode. To me, either Cody or Alejandro would have been the more logical candidates.

And something else a few people brought up: no, I do not intend to go the whole "Die For Our Ship" route and make Gwen the villain. Any of her actions, positive or negative, I'm trying to ground in her canon personality. Duncan...well, the same, but canon gives me significantly less "positive" to work with, especially this season.

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**"The Ex-Files," Part 2**

"This is all a crock, you know," Courtney grumbled as they walked briskly along the path Chris had assigned them. "There's no way we're _actually_ going to find any alien artifacts in this place."

"Yeah," Sierra said, nodding. "I mean, everybody knows about this place, so if they were smart they'd've moved all the alien stuff to another site years ago."

"...What? No—"

"Guys, focus!" Gwen said, turning around to face them. "We have to be on our toes. We don't want to get caught by any of the guards or anything."

"Oh, _gee! Thanks_, Captain Obvious."

Gwen gave Heather a dirty look. She was somewhat cowed when Heather reflected it right back, along with added glares from both Sierra and Courtney.

"I'm just saying—you know, this place is serious business. Tons of people have tried to get in and find out what's in there, and nobody's ever made it."

"That's true!" Cody said quickly, seeing how Courtney's mouth was opening to make some sort of nasty comment. "Um—you sure know your stuff, Gwen."

"What? Oh, um...thanks, Cody," she said, giving him a soft sideways look and smiling slightly.

Courtney's eyes burned like fire for a moment—but then her face softened into a simpering smile.

"Oh, well, if _you_ trust her, Cody," she said, drawing closer to him again. "Hey, if Gwen knows so much about this place, whuddya say we make _her_ team leader for this challenge?"

"Huh? Um...sure?"

"But I—um—"

Gwen looked back at them for a moment, only to catch sight of Courtney smiling nastily at her. For added benefit she stepped even closer to Cody, then entwined his arm with hers, earning another confused look from him and a suspicious glare from Gwen.

She failed to notice the equally-suspicious look from Heather, however. Sierra's, on the other hand, had already passed suspicious and was headed to "murderous."

* * *

The walk from Area 52 and around the rock formation was surprisingly uneventful, considering the members of Team Amazon half-expected to be vaporized (or at least arrested) at every step. After about a half-hour of walking they got within sight of the base itself, which was actually pretty anticlimactic—a fenced-in collection of buildings, some house-sized (barracks, Cody supposed) and some larger with showy "51" logos on them. There were spotlights, but all of them seemed to be facing inward, on the buildings themselves—those might be a problem later, but as far as they could tell getting inside wouldn't be particularly difficult.

The group stood behind some rocks about fifty yards away. Crossing to the fence and climbing in looked, if anything, suspiciously easy.

"_Ooh,_ some kind of security vegetable patch," Heather said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Then she grimaced. "Cody, get your clammy hands off of my leg!"

"I'm not touching your leg," he said, confused as he held up his hands to prove it.

Heather (and everybody else) looked down to see a large, purple-and-orange lizard wrapped around her calf, lolling out its tongue with a vague hissing noise.

All five of the Amazons screamed like little girls, Cody included, and Heather kicked the lizard off with all of her strength. The next moment the whole team was running across the field toward the base with the lizard, for whatever illogical reason, chasing after them at a much faster speed than one normally sees lizards accomplish.

That is, until the ground suddenly exploded beneath it, hurling it up and away in the air.

**_BOOM!_**

Everybody froze, except for Sierra, who let out a shriek and tried to jump into Cody's arms. Cody, unfortunately, did not realize she was about to do this, so instead she wound up landing on his shoulders, wrapping her arms and legs around Cody's head and torso. This was very uncomfortable for Cody.

"Since when do lizards _fly?_" Heather asked, watching its path through the air with wide eyes.

"Everyone, _freeze,_" Gwen said slowly, trying to keep from panicking—both she and Courtney had stopped in odd positions, having figured out what was going on before the others. "We are on a mine field."

There was a moment of stunned silence. Sierra was the first one to break it as she angrily tightened her hold on Cody.

"Way to _lead,_ New Heather."

* * *

**Gwen:** (_horrified_) _New_**—**_Heather? !_

* * *

**Heather:** (_indignant_) _OLD GWEN? !_

* * *

"Well—_ugh_—this is sort of—_ugh__—_an awkward situation…isn't it?" Cody strained under Sierra's weight, all while trying very hard not to move his feet even the slightest bit.

"_Ugh…_what are we gonna do?"

"Maybe you should make out with the _mine field's_ boyfriend," Courtney sneered. She was holding her arms out at awkward angles from her body, as if even moving them posed a chance of setting off the explosions—at the moment, the only risk she _might _have been willing to make against her life was tackling Gwen and wringing her throat (which might not be _too_ dangerous—after all, if she was on top of Gwen then the slimy goth's body could serve as a shield if they fell and hit a mine...)

"We're wasting time," Heather snapped, tearing Courtney from her calculations. "Someone do something!"

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, they heard a familiar _DING-DING_ing sound that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once.

"_Ugh._ Anything but _that,_" Gwen said.

Again suddenly, and again from out of nowhere, Chris appeared—and by "appeared" one means that he _flew _over to them, hovering over the mine field via some sort of bizarre contraption he wore on his back. Cody stared.

"…Chris has a _jetpack?_" he said, his tone incredulous and lightly tinged with envy.

"Hey, I'll give you a choice," the airborne host said, ignoring the looks of anger the female contestants were giving him. "What would you rather do: sing a song, or tap dance in a mine field?"

He was suddenly forced to dodge as two lasers similar to the ones that had hit Duncan pierced the air and nearly hit him. "Whoa, _whoa, _okay! I'm out."

He quickly flew up and out of range, just as more lasers flew where he had been. One of them hit the ground close to Cody's feet, exactly where a mine happened to be. It exploded in a smoky blast, making everybody scream.

"_Agh!_"

Courtney jumped, momentarily freaked out that she would land on a mine, then hit the ground and took a moment to realize that she was not, in fact, exploded. She growled under her breath, turning to Gwen as a proper outlet for her frustrations.

"Chris wants a song, huh? Well _I'll_ give him a song alright."

She opened her mouth wide and began to sing:

**"_Boyfriend-kisser!  
__I thought she was my friend,_**  
**_But now it's time to diss her! _**  
**_Sure, we had some fun times,_**  
**_But I'm not gonna miss her now!"_**

Gwen, who had been busy trying to think up some sort of mine-related song, blanched. To make things worse, Heather turned, eyebrows quirked, then glared at her and joined in.

**"_Boyfriend-kisser!_"**  
**"_You're gonna get_**  
**_What's coming to you_**  
**_If it's the last thing_**  
**_I ever do-oo-oo._"**  
**"_That's right! _**  
**_That's right!_"**  
**"_That's right!  
__That's right!_"**

Gwen had the expression of a deer caught in headlights as she looked around helplessly—Courtney was glaring daggers at her, Sierra had lifted her head up to join her, and Heather, while less visibly angry than the others, was singing while giving Gwen her usual look of disdain.

As if as an afterthought she looked at Cody, or at least, what bit of his face was visible under Sierra's arms and legs. Their eyes locked for a moment; his expression was helpless, pained, and sympathetic. At least it was until Sierra's grip on him tightened again, making him wince and look away from her.

Still, for a moment Gwen felt great surge of affection for Cody. Whatever he thought about her and Duncan, he still didn't hate her. She still had _one_ friend, at least.

That relieved thought that came crashing quickly, since the other Amazons hadn't stopped singing yet.

**"_Boyfriend-kisser!_"**  
**"_You're not my new sister! _**  
**_You're a pus-y, gothy, nasty blister!_"**  
**"_Boyfriend-kisser!…"_**

Like Gwen, Cody was doing his best to ignore the song, as well as Sierra's grip on his head and shoulders. He was trying to think**—**how were they going to get out of this mine field? They couldn't just stay here all night while Team Chris went ahead and got to the base—or worse, wait around for some American soldiers to come and ship them off to whatever secret prison they reserved for Canadian teenage reality-show stars caught breaking into top-secret government bases. **[1]**

If only he had some pebbles or something! But there were none by his feet, and obviously he couldn't go looking for some. The only thing he had on him to throw was Sierra, and while tempting, he didn't think—

Wait a minute! Cody's eyes widened and then, trying not to upset the balance he was using to keep Sierra on his shoulders, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of candy, tossing it randomly in the direction of the base.

_BOOM!_

**"…_the last thing _**  
**_I ever do-oo-oo!_"**

Courtney and the others turned in the direction of the blast, but Cody was already running for the spot that had just exploded, reaching into his pocket for more candy and throwing it every which way. With every throw a new blast went off, but Cody dodged to run over the pieces that were intact, with Gwen, Heather and Courtney now running behind him.

"You found the way out! And you sacrificed your candy to do it."

Even without looking Cody could hear the smile in Gwen's voice, and—was that gratitude? A sort of tremble of thankfulness in her voice, that Cody got them out of there before Courtney could pelt out another verse of angry vitriol?

Unfortunately, Heather wasn't feeling quite so generous. "Thank the dork while you run!" she snapped.

"To be fair, that _is_ what she's doing," Sierra said. She suddenly shifted her position on Cody (almost throwing him off-balance and onto an unexploded mine), hugging his head closer. "But that _was_ super-clever, my brilliant little Codykins!"

Courtney scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Yeah. Great work, Cody."

At the moment, he was too high on Gwen-praise to possibly detect the sarcasm in her voice.

* * *

A pair of American soldiers, dressed cap-a-pie in bulky combat gear, ran out of the largest warehouse with their guns at the ready. They were in such a rush to get where they needed to be that they apparently failed to notice a teenaged brunette looking out from around a corner, who motioned to her companions as soon as they were past.

Team Amazon slipped into the building just as the door was about to close. Gwen was the last one in, taking a brief look around as the others were already gazing up at the huge chamber. She grinned.

"Wicked! We beat Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot here!" she said, letting go of the door so that it could slam shut behind them.

It suddenly flew back open, making her jump.

"Think again, Pasty," Duncan said, strolling into the room with Tyler and Alejandro. Gwen recovered from her surprise and grinned at him.

Courtney seethed at this for a moment, then suddenly grabbed Cody's arm and pulled him towards her, startling him.

"Hey, _Cody,_" she said loudly, her eyes looking away from him toward her adulterous opponents, "I think you and _I_ should look around together…okay?"

"Um…yeah, okay," he said.

Courtney grinned triumphantly as Cody gave a small smile.

* * *

**Cody:** (_tapping chin thoughtfully_) Courtney's been really nice to me ever since this challenge started. I guess it kind of makes sense, though—she's probably just grateful that I punched Duncan in the face back in Greece. (_chuckles_)

* * *

**Sierra:** (_grimacing_) Okay, I don't know _what _Courtney's up to, but I don't like it. She better not think that just because she's single now, she can start honing in on _MY _Cody. Nuh-uh...I'm gonna have to put her in her place!

* * *

Cody's smile was abruptly cut off when Sierra grabbed his arm, pulling him toward her.

"Heh-heh…um, _actually,_ Courtney, Cody's going to be working with _me_ during this challenge. Right, Cody?"

"Well, uh—um—"

He looked nervously from one girl to the other; Sierra was glaring at Courtney, who returned the look with one that seemed both annoyed and somewhat confused. Off to the side Duncan looked away, growling under his breath; Gwen noticed this and frowned, looking in the opposite direction.

Heather was also quietly watching the proceedings, mostly lingering on Courtney with distrustful eyes. However, after a moment she looked away and scanned Team Chris again, noting something odd. She turned to Tyler, who seemed more interested in looking around nervously than watching the fight. "Aren't you down a dork?"

"They stole Owen and brought him in here somewhere," Tyler said, throwing open his arms to encompass the vast room. "We gotta find 'im!"

"Well, _that _won't be easy," Cody muttered, taking the chance to pull away from both Courtney and Sierra to look around some more. "In here" was a huge area, and more to the point, _crowded_—they were surrounded by huge stacks of boxes, some nearly reaching twenty or thirty feet into the air, forming the walls of a gigantic maze. Cody wondered how it was possible that so much could be in here—just how often did aliens crash on this planet anyway?

For the second time in about an hour Cody's thoughts were interrupted by a crackling loudspeaker, and once again Chris' voice came echoing out a second later.

"WELCOME TO THE BLACK BOX WAREHOUSE! FINDING A FUNCTIOING ALIEN ARTIFACT IN HERE IS GONNA BE A BIT LIKE FINDING A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK. A HAYSTACK WITH A _BLACK-OPS SECURITY SYSTEM,_" he added, a barely-restrained chuckle evident in his tone. "WHICH, I SET OFF WHEN I HACKED INTO THIS P.A. _MAH BAD._"

The competitors only had a moment for stunned silence before an alarm began beeping loudly. Instantly everybody yelled, Cody found himself thrown over Sierra's shoulder and the teams ran off panicking in opposite directions.

* * *

Courtney peered around a stack of boxes as a pair of black ops soldiers ran by about ten feet away, then turned around just in time for something to konk her on the head. Rubbing her hair and glaring, she turned to see Heather digging through a nearby crate, throwing out random pieces of equipment in every direction.

She pulled herself out of the box, shaking what looked like a hubcap to see if it made any sound. "Great. More broken junk," she grumbled, throwing it away. It bounced off the floor behind her once, then suddenly righted itself in the air, sprouting a new section so that it looked remarkably like a miniature UFO. Heather watched as it hovered for a moment, then slowly lifted into the air and shot away from sight.

"_UGH!_" Heather raged, spinning around and glaring at the crate. "Can't these boxes have _labels? !_"

Courtney, meanwhile, had already wandered a bit away into the next aisle made by the rows of boxes. Standing in the middle of the floor was what looked like a gray-and-blue robot as large as Chef Hatchet. As far as alien props went, she thought it looked pretty ridiculous—if anything, it reminded her of the toys her cousins liked to play with.

She wondered vaguely if it was even actual metal and gave it a halfhearted kick in the foot. It clanged metallically on her shoe, and then suddenly began to buzz. Its eyes lit up.

"_INTRUDER ALERT,_" the "fake" robot said, as Courtney's eyes widened and she began to slowly back away. "_INITIALIZING ELIMINATION PROCEDURE._"

Suddenly a slit opened in its arm, and to Courtney's utter amazement a _mammoth_ gun turret came out—it looked almost like some kind of futuristic _cannon_, almost as huge as the robot itself. It began to glow blue, buzzing—

Just as some level of Courtney's mind was wondering in shock how such a huge gun could fit in the robot's relatively-smaller arm, gravity seemed to decide it didn't like the lack of logic either. The floor under the robot broke, and it disappeared in a crash, followed by another and another, sounding with repeated mechanical "OW"s. Courtney bent down to look down the hole, watching as the robot crashed into what seemed to be a basement below the warehouse, then crashed through _that_ floor into _another _basement, and into _another…_

Courtney had a moment to a.) consider how lucky she was, b.) wonder if she had just dreamed that impossible occurrence and c.) wonder how many floors this place had that they would have to search when her sundry thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Heather yelling.

It took Courtney a moment to find where her teammate, or at least, _part_ of her teammate was—she had stumbled onto some sort of huge metal ring, standing in the middle of the floor just like the robot, which seemed to be filled with weird glowing blue goop. Half of Heather's body was submerged in the weird fluid, while her stomach, legs and butt were sticking out ridiculously. Her remaining body parts were writhing, and muffled calls seemed to suggest that Heather couldn't manage to pull herself free.

Courtney, being the kind and reasonable person that she is, took a moment to at least consider whether or not she should abandon her. (That may not _sound_ charitable, but let's face it, a lot of people _wouldn't_ have taken the time when Heather was the one who was stuck.)

"Hmm…she is a pain. _Ugh,_ but I need her vote to get rid of Gwen."

She grabbed onto Heather's leg and began to pull. She had no idea what it was that kept Heather from pulling herself out, but it was apparently strong enough that she, too, had to struggle for a moment before Heather suddenly went came free, knocking Courtney onto her back as her teammate went flying and crashed into a nearby collection of boxes.

"_UGH!_ What were your waiting for? ! I'm _covered_ in space snot!" And indeed, when Courtney righted herself enough to look she saw that Heather had blotches of the blue goo all over her skin, clothes and hair.

"Sorry."

"_Hmph._ Well, at least the stupid thing is intact."

Courtney, having risen to her feet, suddenly had an internal panic attack as she realized what Heather meant. Without even thinking her foot twisted to the back of the machine's base, pushing it over with surprising ease. Heather jumped as the ring crashed to the ground, smoking and sputtering.

"Oh _nooo!_" Courtney cried melodramatically, putting her hands to the sides of her face. "Ugh, better keep looking!"

Heather looked at her in disbelief. "Are you _trying_ to lose? !"

"What? ! As if!" Courtney turned away as if indignant, which conveniently hid the smirk that had crossed her face as she began to walk away.

Heather, however, followed.

"And _another _thing…what exactly is the deal with you and _Cody_ lately?"

"Huh?" Courtney stopped, half-turning back to her. "What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ you're flirting is so ridiculous you're making _Sierra_ look normal," Heather sneered, crossing her arms. "What gives?"

"_Ugh…_" Courtney really didn't want to get into her relationship issues—or _former-_relationship issues—with Heather any more than she had to, but she couldn't really think of any specific reason to keep this to herself either. "It's nothing. I'm just flirting with him to try to make Duncan and Gwen jealous. Why, what do _you_ care?"

"_Just _making sure it's not anything I need to worry about. As it is I'm wondering if Gwen might try to throw challenges for her _new_ boy toy like she did last season. We kicked her off for that, by the way," she added, leaning closer to Courtney as her voice lowered threateningly. "Because throwing challenges over a guy is _bad strategy._ _Got it?_"

"Of course!" Courtney snapped, crossing her arms and looking away again. Then, after a brief pause she quickly said, "Let's split up to cover more ground," and moved away. After all, it would be easier to _not_ look for alien artifacts if she didn't have to worry about Heather watching her every move.

* * *

At the same moment another member of Team Amazon happened to be suggesting the very same strategy, and like Courtney he was doing it for his own ulterior motives.

"I'm just saying, Sierra, uh—if we split up, we can spread out and look through more boxes quicker," Cody said, as his psychotic teammate continued to carry him over her shoulder like an oversized purse.

"But there's safety in numbers. I mean, just think what would happen if those soldiers came and I wasn't there to protect you! They'd probably send you off to one of those secret prison camps in Puerto Rico or whatever!" Her voice rose in panic for a moment, then became softer as she patted his butt like a mother burping her baby. "Better just stay with me, okay my adorable little extraterrestrial?"

"_Ugh…_well can you at _least_ let me walk for _myself_ then?"

"Oh, okay, then. I mean, if you _want…_"

She set him down from her shoulder back onto his feet, and he quickly took several steps away from her, bumping into a nearby box and knocking out its contents. He and Sierra both turned; a half-ovoid something clattered onto the floor, rolling away a bit.

Cody went over and picked it up. "It's a head," he observed quizzically, turning it around for Sierra to see over his shoulder. Sure enough the metal object had two large, dull eyes that each extended out like camera lenses and a line across the bottom like a closed mouth. An antenna poked out of the flat top of its head. Sierra quirked an eyebrow.

"It kind of looks like you." Cody turned to stare at her. "You know, the head shape. Looks broken, though." Her eyes widened. "OOH! Maybe you can fix it, Cody! I mean, you _did_ win third prize in the Manitoba Provincial Science Fair last year for your robot display!"

"Yeah, I—!" Cody's face suddenly fell as the creepiness of Sierra's knowledge sunk in. Giving her a look, he nevertheless turned to the robot and began to pry at it with his fingers, trying to see if there was some way to get inside of it. After a moment he managed to get the top to click open, but he frowned as he peered inside. He the head upside down and shook it; instead of circuits or wires, all that fell out was a paperclip, two pennies and a gumball.

The two contestants just stared for a moment.

"…Okay, I'm not good at all this sciency stuff, but I'm guessing you can't do much with that, can you?"

"...No, I don't think so," Cody said, replacing the robot head in the box and picking up one of the coins. "Huh…this is some weird looking money…probably doesn't count as 'functioning,' though…"

They wandered away and found more boxes to search through.

One hour later, they were still searching.

"I'm starting to think this is hopeless," Cody said, repeatedly pressing the trigger of a beat-up ray gun and then tossing it with the other trash now littering the floor around them.

"There has to be _something_ in this place. I mean, Chris wouldn't send us on a challenge if there was absolutely _no_ way to complete it. That'd be boring!" Sierra tossed more things out of her crate, reaching deeper for anything that looked salvageable. Soon her hand was brushing the bottom.

Cody hit his palm against a hand-sized cylinder he had managed to extract; for a moment a glowing green-white beam of energy emerged out of it like a blade, but then it flickered and went dead again. Cody grimaced, tossing it away.

It landed on the floor and rolled away for a moment, before being stepped on by one sandaled foot running down the aisle.

"Wha—_agh!_"

Courtney windmilled her arms wildly, then fell backwards and crashed onto the floor. Cody and Sierra both looked up, startled from their work—instinctively Cody rushed forward, bending down to extend a hand to his fallen teammate.

"Oh, jeez—sorry, Courtney, I guess we've made a bit of a mess here—"

Courtney looked up at him, glaring. For a moment she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to be acting all flirty and stupid with him—but just as quickly realized that neither Gwen nor Duncan was there at the moment. She pushed his hand away, startling him slightly.

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, climbing to her own feet and dusted herself off. Courtney in turn was startled as Sierra was suddenly standing right between her and Cody, putting her face an inch from Courtney's and glaring daggers.

"Hello, _Courtney,_" the loony girl said, using her name as if it were an insult.

"Um…hi?" Courtney backed up a step, giving Sierra a weird look before shaking her head. "So, have either of you two found anything yet?" she asked irritably.

"Not a thing," Cody said, shrugging helplessly.

"_Hmph._ Good."

"Pardon?"

"What? ! Um—I mean, good—luck! Good luck finding anything in this dump," she quickly corrected. "This place is a pig sty. So much for secret government agencies being ruthlessly efficient."

Courtney glared at the boxes, while Sierra glared at her. Cody just looked confused, as usual.

* * *

**Cody:** (_scratching his head_) Well, wherever Courtney's good mood came from, it seems to have disappeared just as fast. Easy come, easy go, I guess.

* * *

"Well, _anyway,_ we should probably split up to see if we can cover more ground," Sierra said, suddenly grabbing Cody around the shoulder and pulling him away. "Come _on,_ Cody."

"But I—_agh,_ Sierra, you're hurting me—!"

"Well—wait!" Courtney's mind was thinking quickly—as long as _these_ two didn't catch onto like Heather did it would be better to keep them around; maybe it would give her a chance to sabotage their own efforts as well. "Maybe we should—"

"_AGH!_"

All three of them jumped as they heard a yell. Cody looked around wildly—Sierra pointed to a gap in the wall of boxes, or rather, the next aisle beyond that gap. "It came from over there!"

All three strained to hear, wondering it the sound had been their teammates, their competition—or something to be worried about.

The latter seemed to ruled out when they heard breathless, nervous chatter rather than terrified screaming.

"Oh, hey—"

"Hey, I can't believe—"

An awkward pause fell, but they had already recognized the voices.

Without thinking Sierra, long used to eavesdropping on people without their knowledge, let go of Cody and knelt down behind a box, peeking over it into the next aisle. Cody quickly followed; a moment later Courtney joined them, staring wide-eyed over his shoulders.

Right in front of them was Duncan, facing the other way. Beside him was Gwen.

Cody suddenly felt cold all over. Courtney's face was frozen, but her heart was hammering in her chest.

"You go first," Duncan whispered, gesturing to Gwen.

"Okay. The kiss was _awesome_" (Cody's eyes widened as some invisible force punched him in the stomach) "even though now everyone on my team thinks I'm the new Heather. _Even Heather!_"

"_I_ don't," Cody whispered, only for Sierra to elbow him in the side. Courtney, meanwhile, continued to watch, her face unreadable and unmoving.

"But I can see that Courtney's _ridiculous_ flirting is getting to you," Gwen continued—Courtney's face twitched the slightest bit, but Cody's insides were twisting too much for him to properly sort out the confusing statement. "So if you've changed your mind about our sit—"

Gwen was surprised when before she could finish her sentence, Duncan was kissing her.

All three of the watchers gasped, followed by a soft squeal from Sierra, her determination to hate the couple momentarily overwhelmed by her natural shipping instincts. Gwen's own eyes went wide, but then slowly closed as she melted into the kiss, as her hands drifted up to press against Duncan's chest…Cody felt another punch in the gut, harder this time, as the two separated, a contented smile on Gwen's face.

"Was that just to shut me up?"

Duncan chuckled. "Not entirely."

He was smiling at her. Gwen was smiling back at him.

_Gwen_ was _smiling. _At _him._

"Why don't we just…let things happen? No pressure, no planning…_no pookums._" She grimaced for a moment, but then immediately that horrible, hideous smile was back on her face._ "_'Kay?"

Duncan chuckled. "See? That there is why I like you."

**"_NO!_"**

Even in their stunned state Cody and Sierra both fell back in surprise as Courtney flew to her feet and suddenly stormed out of their hiding place. Gwen and Duncan jumped and separated, allowing Courtney to march right up to them with hands balled into fists and an expression so hateful that it could have made a mirror explode.

"_How dare you? !_" she screamed, coming to a stop right in front of them. "_How dare you? !_"

"Courtney!" Gwen said, eyes wide. Duncan, however, just crossed his arms and scowled.

"'How dare we' what? I have an ache in my crotch that says we're both single no, _Princess._"

"And you think that makes it alright? !"

"Uh, _yeah?_" Even Sierra quirked an eyebrow, trying to work through Courtney's logic. Gwen just looked between the two of them nervously; Cody was still frozen in place, feeling like he was watching the scene from outside his own body.

"You just—you two—sniveling, _lying,_ nasty little—**_AAAGGGHHH!"_**

She suddenly stomped down on Duncan's shoe as hard as she possibly could, making him cry out in pain and jump up on one foot, his one good eye clouding with tears of pain. Courtney felt tears in her own eyes as she spun around—tears of fury, tears of anger, _not_ tears of sadness, she told herself, she was through with that, all she wanted was to make these two PAY for all the agony they had put her through in these last few days.

"Well, FINE! I hope you're _VERY_ happy together! An OGRE and a WHORE!" she screamed, pointing at each of them in succession. "You both _DESERVE each other,_ so you can both just ROT IN HELL together for all I care! _AAAGGGHHH!_"

She stormed away, angrily shoving a pile of boxes and knocking their contents all over the floor as she went. Gwen and Duncan followed her with their eyes, listening as each loud step echoed through the aisles, heedless of the tight security. It was a full thirty seconds before she was too far away to hear.

Once Courtney was gone the two turned back, but neither seemed to want to look at the other. Gwen kicked the dusty floor nervously; Duncan scratched the back of his neck.

"So, um—I-I better go and…find some alien junk or something."

"Yeah, ditto. Yeah."

"...Try not to get eliminated?"

"Same to you."

They went off in opposite directions, each hazarding a quick look back when the other wasn't looking. It was only when they were both out of sight that Sierra lifted her head from her hiding place and let out a soft whistle.

"Well, the Americans are definitely going to censor _that_ if Chris lets that into the final cut. That was really—Cody? Cody?"

Cody had slumped to the floor, arms limp at his sides, staring off into space. His eye twitched; his mouth hung slightly open, apparently frozen in shock.

Unlike Sierra, Cody wasn't focused much on Courtney's freak-out. His mind was still stuck on the moment before that, and the happy, love-struck smile that had been on Gwen's face.

* * *

**[1]** He later found out that America did not have a special prison catering to that specific demographic; they went to the same facility as every other teenage reality-show star caught breaking into top-secret government bases.

* * *

**A/N:** I'll be happy if I get to where I won't have to copy canon details so much. Anyway, update next week, until then, please send me reviews! I'll be here, trying to force myself to do homework while I wait.


	4. The Ex-Files, Part 3

**"The Ex-Files," Part 3**

(_Gwen kissing Duncan._)

"And you know, Cody, this is really for the best when you think about it."

(_Gwen kissing Duncan._)

"I mean, Gwen's a fool if she doesn't realize what a catch you are—she and Duncan are great together, no question, but she's turning down an _amazing _opportunity here. She _totally_ doesn't know what she's missing."

(_Gwen _kissing_ Duncan._)

"And just because _she's_ throwing you away, I mean, that doesn't mean _you_ have to be depressed! You could get, like, _any_ girl you want—or any guy, according to some fans. Ha-ha—but seriously, you just need to find somebody smart enough to _realize_ what an absolutely _awesome _person you are! And I know one person like that right off the ba-at!"

(_Gwen kissing Duncan, _smiling_ as she kissed Duncan, that look in her eyes, the look he had seen her use for _Trent _and now _Duncan_ but never for _him—)

"Sierra?"

"Yes, my sweet?"

"Please let go of my arm now."

"Um—sure."

As soon as she released him Cody stopped walking and fell onto the nearest box, slumping with his head supported by his hands. He felt dead. That was the best way to describe him—his face looked melted, his tone was flat and emotionless, his eyes were downcast. He was in a dull, dead depression, the initial pain in his stomach fading and spreading into a hallow, full-body ache.

Sierra, however, didn't seem to fully understand that. And she _certainly_ did not understand that Cody did not want her around while he wallowed in his misery, instead opting to take the seat on the box next to him.

"I mean, there are _plenty_ of other fish in the sea," she continued, saddling closer to him so that their knees touched and Cody had to scoot over further. "Just because one person doesn't like you doesn't mean you can't find the _right_ person for you. Know what I mean?"

_Oh, so you're _finally_ going to go bug somebody else now?_ is what Cody wanted to say. Instead he just sighed. "Uh-huh."

"And you know—sometimes finding the right person is a lot easier than you'd expect! Why, they might be _right under your nose!_" she said, giving him a sly look and scooting closer to him once again. "Know what I—_oh!_"

"_Oof!_"

Cody had slid away from her again, only to find that he was out of box to sit on, falling onto the floor on his backside. Sierra bent down and helped him to his feet.

"_There_ you go, my clumsy little Codykins! All better?"

"Yeah, sure. Um…I'm gonna go see if I can find a bathroom, okay?" Bathrooms were the only place he could be (fairly) sure that Sierra wouldn't follow him; as you can imagine, Cody lied about having to use the bathroom a _lot._

"Oh…do you need me to come with you to help you find one? You know, in case the Army men are guarding it or something?"

"No, that's okay. You just…look through boxes while I'm gone. Or something."

"Oky-doky! I'll come to check on you if you're gone too long."

"Of _course_ you will…"

He trudged off, dragging his feet behind him as he walked. He didn't even bother trying to look for a bathroom to hide in; who knew if this place even had one anyway? He just let his feet carry him blindly through the aisles as his mind wandered just as aimlessly.

This shouldn't have been a big deal, Cody thought. After all, he had _known_ that Gwen kissed Duncan, this wasn't a surprise…but somehow actually _seeing_ it, and seeing that it _wasn't_ just a one-time thing, no, she did it a second time (or maybe it was the third, fourth, tenth, hundred-thousandth, how was he supposed to know for sure?) and apparently intended to keep doing it. Whatever she had said, the two of them were basically dating now.

And she looked so _happy_ about it. So happy because…what? Because he was such a nice guy? Because he had proved to be such a great boyfriend to Courtney? Or was Duncan just that great a kisser? Was _that _all that mattered? Cody had been trying all _season_ to make Gwen smile at him like that. Heck, she never even gave him a chance to see if kissing would do the trick!

It was like he had already lost in a contest that he didn't even know about. And worst, it was the _second time_ that had happened. And losing to Duncan wasn't the same as losing to Trent. What kind of a boyfriend was Duncan going to be for Gwen? She deserved better than Duncan, she deserved someone like _him_ who would be a good boyfriend. After all, Duncan had cheated on Courtney, chances were he'd cheat on Gwen eventually too. Or just wind up in juvie again.

Maybe _then_ Gwen would finally think to give him a chance.

Cody looked up as his path was blocked by a dead-end made of large crates almost as tall as he was. Several of the boxes had been opened, and spilling out there were these sorts of…pods? They sort of resembled pea pods or something, though their yellowish color and dark markings almost made them look like weird bananas or coccoons made out of dying leaves.

Curiosity momentarily taking Cody away from his depressing thoughts, he approached the nearest pod/banana/leaf thingy leaning against a crate, rubbing his chin as he examined it. Was this some sort of alien thing? Could it count in the challenge? It looked more like a plant than a machine—but then, did that matter? Hard to say—it seemed close enough to him, but Cody could totally picture them bringing Chris some amazing alien organism, only to be rejected on the grounds that it didn't count as an "artifact."

Cody reached out to touch the whatever-it-was with one finger. Suddenly he felt a powerful bolt like static electricity and withdrew his hand, sucking his injury to relieve the burn.

The pod, meanwhile, began glowing as an odd sound emanated from within.

As Cody looked up curiously as the light and sound died down—and the pod split open with a sickening _PLOP!_

Cody froze as a pair of arms emerged, followed by a head, then a body and legs.

_Cody's _arms, head, body and legs, to be precise, clothed in an identical outfit and dripping with slime.

Cody stared in horror at the creature's face—a face that was paler than his own, with growing green eyes and a nasty, evil grin missing the same tooth as Cody did. He began to back away slowly. The not-Cody's grin only grew wider as it stepped forward, arms in position to grab him and force him to the floor.

Cody was scrambling in his head for some idea, trying to remember any of the countless movies he had seen involving alien monsters, when he suddenly heard a shrill, familiar voice.

"_EEEEE!_ Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, _TWO CODIES!_" Sierra screamed, running down the aisle as both Codies gave her a look—one fearful, the other quizzical. "I'm _confused,_" she admitted, looking from the fake to the real one, "and excited! _AAAGGGHHH!_"

She threw an arm around both Codies, squeezing them with all her might. Cody's lungs were crushed, but he was better off than his doppelganger—the bewildered alien expanded and then popped like a balloon as Sierra's grip tightened, rupturing his fake skin and sending an explosion of green slime over both of the humans.

Sierra froze, still hugging the real Cody, as the two dripped with protoplasm. "Okay, now I'm just _confused,_" she said.

"You're—_ugh,_ not the only one," Cody admitted, gasping for breath and almost puking as he accidentally let alien guts dribble down into his mouth.

* * *

Questions of whether the weird pods counted as an "artifact" aside, Cody couldn't think of any way that either he or Sierra could touch them without possibly creating another evil twin, so the two were forced to abandon that idea. Instead, they decided to _actually_ go in search of a bathroom, since they were so covered in alien clone-slime that it was almost impossible to move. Cody suspected this was a regular problem for the soldiers there as well, since they wound up finding an "emergency decontamination station" fairly close by. It was essentially a row of shower heads sticking out of the wall, sort of like in the school locker rooms. He stood under it with his arms spread out, fully clothed except for his shoes and socks, trying to ignore Sierra's comments about how "naughty" it was that they were "showering together, hee-hee-hee!"

Once they were clean again they went back to searching for artifacts; unfortunately, this time Sierra wasn't letting Cody out of her sight. He resigned himself to that fact, listening to her blather more and more "subtle hints" that they should get together while he tried to focus on his search.

Of course, he only _tried _to focus. In reality, his mind kept going back to Gwen, to Duncan, to Gwen _and _Duncan, their playful tones, their smiles, that horrible, ugly kiss they had shared…

Eventually, Cody checked his watch and did the math to determine that it was almost dawn in Roswell time. They abandoned their piles of alien junk, only able to hope that one of their teammates had managed to find something instead.

No such luck.

"Tell me you two found something!" Heather cried. Her hands on her hips and anger was in her eyes, trying to cover up the rising panic she was feeling.

"I found a…_penny?_" Cody said lamely, showing the coin he had found inside the broken robot's head.

"_Ugh!_ So we have _nothing? !_"

"Well, it _might _be an alien penny," Sierra said.

"Having someone other than the Queen on it doesn't make it alien!" Heather snapped, throwing up her heads. "I can't believe this—and Alejandro and his team are probably already back at the plane with the freakin' mother ship by now!"

"That's great!…ly bad for us," Courtney said, looking away from Heather's suspicious glare. Again Cody stared at her, marveling at how her mood had changed from the last time he saw her—though admittedly, that had been several hours ago. Apparently she had had time to cool down.

And admittedly, he didn't see the vicious, triumphant grin she was making with her face turned away from him, or the graphic fantasy she was having of Gwen hitting the ground after being pushed out of the plane without a parachute.

"Guys!"

Everybody turned. Gwen was walking toward them, holding a large cube in her hand.

(_Gwen. Gwen smiling at Duncan, Gwen kissing Duncan, Gwen lost forever now__—_)

"One working alien artifact, totally intact! _Ta-da!_"

"_Hmph!_" Courtney and Sierra said together, as Cody took a moment to push down his inner rant and process what she had said.

"So—we win?" he said stupidly.

"Only if we _get there _in time," Heather snapped. "Now save it for first class, let's _go!_"

* * *

Team Amazon ran out of the building and away from the base as fast as they could, carefully following their own footprints through the mine field and then rushing around the rock formation as fast as they could. It was still dark and chilly out, but it was only about an hour until dawn, and for all they knew Team Chris had already arrived back there hours ago.

Courtney could only hope so.

Gwen was out in front, with Courtney shortly behind. She had an eye on that artifact Gwen was holding, but she was carrying in both hands in front of her, trying to make sure she didn't drop it…how was Courtney supposed to get rid of it? !

The plane came into view, and with it, Chris and his eponymous team.

"_Ugh,_ the guys _beats us_? !" Gwen cried, catching sight of them all. However, Courtney's eyes widened, taking a moment to fully examine the scene—Tyler and Owen were both face-down in the dirt (Duncan holding up Owen's ankles) as Alejandro was stomping angrily and screaming indistinctly—they were back but they weren't victorious, the _Amazons_ were victorious, at least, they were unless she could do something quick to stop that from happening—

Courtney's foot flew forward, tangling with Gwen's. The nasty, promiscuous Goth-freak tripped, the cube went flying, and everybody's eyes widened.

"_NO!_"

"_Oops,_" Courtney said, putting on her most mockingly innocent look.

The cube flew through the air, set to hit the ground…

…when Chris calmly reached out and let it fall into his hands. Almost instantly it began to glow, as if recognizing that it was finally in the hands of an evil, inhuman overlord once more.

"_And_ the Amazons win again!" Chris said, tearing his eyes off of the cube long enough to flash his shiny TV-host smile.

"_WHOO-HOO!_"

"_EEEEE!_"

"_¡__Aw, __qué demonios!_"

Alejandro stomped the ground furiously as Duncan dropped Owen's ankles, cursing. The Amazons, meanwhile, burst into cheers with the exception of two—Courtney, who openly balled her hands in anger, and Cody, who _would_ have been celebrating if Sierra hadn't grabbed him and begun crushing his windpipe.

"That's the third loss in a row for Team Me. Seriously, guys, _not_ doing my reputation any favors," Chris chided, shaking his finger at the losers. "And there'll be no interns to take the fall this time, let me tell you. Got a lot of union complaints last time. So drag these two onto the plane and start thinking about who you want to vote for."

He turned and walked away, leaving the two conscious members of his team to grumble angrily to themselves. Duncan turned and scanned the opposing team for Gwen, but she was too busy celebrating to notice—instead he caught Courtney glaring daggers at him.

He scoffed, then turned away, his blood boiling almost as much as hers was.

* * *

"I want Gwen gone too, but _strategy_ is key. Right now we need to focus on picking off the _guys._" Heather gave Courtney a look as she continued to scribble over her to-do list, making no sign that she was paying attention. "_Hello? !_ Are you even listening to me?"

"Gothie's going down, Gothie's going _DOWN,_ Gothie is going _down..._"

Heather drew back as if afraid she was going to catch Courtney's growing insanity. Gwen, watching the scene from behind her own seat, turned and slumped down miserably.

Chris voice came through a P.A. system for the third time that day.

"_Attention all players and brooding goth chick! It's time to throw a guy out of the plane!_"

Gwen sighed; she had a pretty good idea who it was going to be, too, especially if Chris had decided to call for her specifically. She slowly rose to her feet and dragged herself to the elimination ceremony.

Courtney glared after her as she went—and then, to Heather's surprise, suddenly stood and followed after her.

* * *

"And Duncan? Making deals _before_ you'll help your teammate?" Chris was saying as Gwen crept into the drop zone, peering out from behind the large, decorative Tiki head; unfortunately, she couldn't see anyone from that angle. "That's low! Tyler?"

"Is stoked that Duncan is outie!" the jock said, speaking through a mask of bandages and motioning with his one uninjured arm.

"No, Tyler..._you're_ outie!"

"What? !"

**"_What? !_"**

Gwen turned and quickly pressed herself against the Tiki as Courtney swept into the drop zone, storming right into the middle of the ceremony. Furious, she lifted a fist right in the direction of Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot, causing the still-made-up Owen to draw back in alarm.

"You're cutting _Tyler_ instead of Duncan? ! _UGH!_ What is _wrong _with you? !"

"Is there gonna be a re-vote?" Tyler asked confusedly.

Courtney suddenly grabbed him by his jacket and threw, sending him flying through the air. He screamed as he fell through the open hatch and out into the night, thankfully still clutching his parachute in his hands.

"_THAT'S IT!_" Courtney screamed, dusting her hands; the last three slaps were sharp and threatening. "No more Mrs. Nice Guy! People are gonna _pay. TWO_ people specifically! You hear me? ! I will have my _REVENGE!_"

Just then Owen, for some reason, gave himself a wedgie and began to dance around the room singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." Chris watched for a moment, amused, then turned to smirk at the camera once agian.

"Will Courtney get her _REVENNNGE? _Find out next time right here on _TOTAL—DRAMA__—WORLD TOUR!_"

"_Oh, shut UP, you hack!_"

Chris drew back in surprise as Courtney screamed at him, not even having a chance to respond before she turned and stormed out of the room again; Gwen had no time to get out of the way this time before Courtney shoved her aside as roughly as possible, pushing her against the Tiki and slamming the door behind her.

"_Hmph._ Lousy little..."

Chris stepped away from his podium and followed after Courtney, muttering to himself. The three remaining members of Team Chris rose and Owen ran off to get dinner; Alejandro followed behind him, looking pensive, his eyes flirting briefly to look Gwen up and down as he passed. Duncan deliberately walked slower than the others, hanging around the Tiki with Gwen as his teammates disappeared. He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Well, that was close."

"Seriously." A pause. "Tyler was the reason your team lost, I take it?"

"Yeah. Plus I got a guarantee earlier than Alejandro wouldn't vote for me," he said, shrugging. "Owen just seems to follow along with however he votes."

"Oh." Another paused. "I was...you know, worried."

Duncan shrugged. His casual tone belied the fact that _he_ had been worried too—even with Tyler's screw-up protecting him, he was nowhere near sure that Alejandro could be trusted to keep any sort of an agreement.

"...Courtney still doesn't seem too happy with us, does she?"

"No. In fact, she—"

"What?"

Gwen hesitated. She didn't want to get into her suspicions—and they _were_ just suspicions, though she was pretty sure they were right. At the very least she didn't want to talk about this with Duncan—he was on the other team, and however she felt about him Gwen was determined to keep her personal and "game" life as separate as possible. She didn't want another Trent situation, after all.

"Never mind." Duncan's brow furrowed, but Gwen forced a smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Talk to you later?"

He gave a little half-smile. "You bet, babe."

* * *

As soon as Courtney got back to first class she threw herself into the nearest chair she could find, crossing her arms so tightly she risked cutting off blood circulation. Coincidentally, Cody was sitting beside her, unwrapping his last few pieces of his candy and trying to enjoy the few minutes of quiet he had before Sierra came back from dinner. He stared at her in surprise as she glowered, keeping her own gaze forward.

"...Did Duncan get voted off?"

She growled. "_No._"

"He didn't? ! But_—aww__—_"

"Believe me, you're not the only one disappointed," Courtney spat.

Cody blinked, then lowered his gaze. A moment later he let his eyes wander up to Courtney's face again. She looked hideous with anger. He thought again about how mercurial she had been lately, going from hysterical to happy to rage so quickly. However low he felt about this whole "Gwen/Duncan" thing, she must _really_ be messed up inside to be going this crazy.

Courtney nearly jumped as Cody suddenly reached his hand out and patted her knee. She turned to glare at him, shocked at the perverted gesture, only to catch sincere blue eyes and a slight, comforting smile on his face.

"It'll be okay, Courtney."

She stared stupidly at him for a moment, then turned away again.

"...Thanks," she grumbled, still sounding angry but noticeably calmer than she had been a moment before. Cody's smile widened as he took his hand off from her leg, returning it to his armrest.

It was a moment too late, though, to keep Sierra from seeing it as she came back in from the common area. Her jaw dropped in horror.

"Well, I gotta go use the confessional," Cody said casually, rising to his feet. "Feel free to tell me if you...I don't know, need to talk or something."

Courtney waved her hand noncommittally as he walked away. Sierra only watched in stunned silence for a moment, shaking with anger, before she suddenly bolted over and grabbed her teammate by the arm, forcing her to her feet.

"_Agh!_" Courtney cried, pulling her arm back and staring at her in shock. "What the hell? !"

"_What are you trying to do with my Cody, witch? !_"

"I _beg_ your _pardon? !_"

"Just because Gwen stole _your_ boyfriend doesn't mean _you_ have a right to go and steal my boyfriend from me!" Sierra screamed hysterically, jabbing her in the chest. "Find your own man, _homewrecker!_"

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"I'm _TALKING_ about the way you've been _THROWING_ yourself as my Codykins all day! Which looks _really_ pathetic, by the way," she added scornfully, crossing her arms and turning her nose up.

"Throwing myself—oh, you're not _serious,_ are you?"

"_Serious as a heart attack, missy!_"

"I'm not_—_I'm not _seriously_ interested in Cody," Courtney said, leaning closer and dropping her voice in case Gwen came back to first class unexpectedly. "I'm just _flirting_ with him to make Gwen and Duncan jealous. Haven't you noticed I only do it when at least one of those two are around?"

"They aren't around_ now._"

"And I wasn't _flirting _with him n—oh, you mean that?" she said, motioning to the seats where she and Cody had been seated moments before. "No! That was just—I don't know, he saw how ticked I was and wanted to_—cheer me up_ or something." She rolled her eyes as Sierra began to relax, but still quirked her eyebrow suspiciously.

"Well..._really?_ You're _sure?_"

"Sierra, _trust_ me, you're the only one here who has _any _serious romantic interesting in _Cody._" She paused, then suddenly turned around, rubbing her chin. "At least..._probably._"

"_'Probably? !'_ What do you mean, _'probably? !'_"

"Well...we _both_ know that Cody has a thing for Gwen," Courtney said, turning back around and putting on her "innocent" face again. "Though she..._probably_ doesn't like him..."

"Of course she doesn't! She likes Duncan!" Sierra snapped, but it was so quick and angry and desperate that Courtney couldn't help but smile. Perfect.

"Yeah, probably. Although...we both _thought _Duncan lov_—liked_ me, so you can never know for sure." Sierra looked terrified as Courtney smiled at her. "But just to be safe, it would probably be a good idea if Gwen got voted off sometime soon. Agreed?"

Sierra nodded vigorously. Courtney grinned. "Good."

* * *

Cody was about to open the confessional when the door swung open from within, nearly hitting him.

"Oh—sorry, Cody."

"Gwen!"

She stepped out of the bathroom, smiling wanly. Cody forced a smile even as he felt the blood drain from his face.

(_Don't think about her kissing Duncan, don't think about her kissing Duncan, don't think about her kissing Duncan—_)

Gwen hesitated for a moment, then cleared her throat. "So, you hear about Tyler getting kicked off?"

"What? ! Oh—um, sort of." So it was Tyler who got the boot? In all his disappointment about Duncan staying he hadn't bothered to ask Courtney who had taken the Drop instead. He felt another twinge of bitterness. He liked Tyler—he had helped him evade Sierra a lot while they were in Jamaica and seemed like a pretty cool dude.

And this, after losing Noah in London. Another friend gets the boot in favor of _him._

Gwen brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, closing the bathroom door behind her. _That's the confessional where Tyler caught her and Duncan kissing,_ Cody thought. He had a sudden wild urge to burst through that door and see if Duncan were in there right now, as if Gwen's simple gesture couldn't be anything but an attempt to cover him up. He shook his head slightly to banish the thought.

"Anyway, Cody...if I didn't get the chance to say it before, thanks for what you did in the challenge today."

"Huh?" He blinked. "What do you mean? _You_ found the artifact."

"Yeah, but if you hadn't thought of that thing with the candy...well, let's face it, if _anything _had kept us from winning, the others would have probably voted me off. In fact..." She hesitated, then leaned to the side a bit as if checking to make sure nobody was down the hall who could hear them. "Honestly? I think Courtney was _trying_ to lose today, just so she could."

"Huh? ! Seriously?"

"That's what I think. I heard her and Heather talking...plus they already tried to do that back in the last challenge"

"Yeah. _I _was the one who saved you from that, remember?"

It was Gwen's turn to look surprised while Cody winced. _Wow._ Those words had come off a lot less subtly than they seemed in the half-second before moving from his brain to his mouth.

"Yeah. That's right. ...Thanks."

"You're welcome," Cody mumbled. Somehow this moment wasn't quite as momentous as he had been imagining.

(_Gwen kissing Duncan, Gwen kissing Duncan, Gwen kissing Duncan__—_)

"No, really." And suddenly, without any warning, Cody felt Gwen's arms wrap around him and draw him into a hug. His eyes widened. "It means a lot to me knowing that I still have at least _one_ friend on our team."

"Oh, well—you know me, Friendly Cody!" he said, wrapping his own arms around Gwen for a moment before the two separated again. He suddenly found that he couldn't help smiling. "And you know, I promise _I'll_ stand by you, no matter what. Even if the others are still mad at you."

Gwen smiled. She had a beautiful smile, Cody thought. She had beautiful lips. Beautiful lips that looked so _hot_ with blue lipstick.

(_As long as he didn't think of those lips pressed against _Duncan's_ mouth, as long as he kept some tiny ember of hope alive that one day _he'd_ get to feel those lips for himself—_)

"I know, Cody. That's one of the things I like about you." She smiled wanly. "Well, talk to you later."

"Um—yeah, you bet, babe!"

Gwen suddenly winced, remembering who had said those same words to her moments before. She carefully stepped around Cody and headed back to first class. Cody watched her go, his mind racing.

Maybe he _wasn't_ doomed, he thought. Maybe he could still beat Duncan. Maybe he did have a chance with Gwen.

_Maybe._ That usually wasn't a word he consciously connected with his love life. Still, a flicker of hope was better than nothing, right? After all, she'd said she liked him!...technically. That was _something._

He went into the bathroom to use the confessional, but not before, being seized by obsessive paranoia, he looked in every corner and hiding spot to make absolutely sure that Duncan wasn't there.

* * *

**Gwen:** Even if I can't rely on Duncan to look out for me, it means I still have _one_ ally to help me outmaneuver Courtney. And it feels so good to know that he's still on my side, even though he knows I'm with Duncan now. (_pause_) He...does know I'm with Duncan now. Right?

* * *

**Cody:** (_looking over his shoulder briefly, then turning to the camera_) So the way I see it, all I have to do is wait it out. _Duncan _is a selfish, _evil _little monster; Gwen's gotta figure that out eventually, right? As long as he doesn't do something to ruin my chances before he ruins his own, I'm set. Heh.

(_he smiles confidently, then suddenly frowns, his eyes quietly glancing toward each of the confessional corners once again_)

* * *

Cody returned to first class to find Sierra scurrying away from his backpack, disappearing out the other door before he had a chance to confront her. He scowled; well, there went another pair of underwear, he thought, glumly taking his seat once again.

Heather was sitting at the table, swirling the ice in her glass of soda and trying to think of her strategy for the next challenge. Gwen was sitting on the other end of the room, behind a chair, listening to her MP3 player and trying, at least for a little while, _not_ to think as much as she could.

Courtney was sitting at the bar, where Cody could see her. She noticed that he and his crush were sitting separately, and she thought back to the way his fist had collided with Duncan's eye, the disappointed groan when he found out he had not been voted off this time, and the way he had tried to comfort her. She smiled and waved at him, her eyelashes fluttering. Cody started to raise his hand, hesitated when Gwen's words came back to him, but gave a small wave before looking away again.

Courtney smirked.

She had two out of the three of the votes she needed to get rid of Gwen.

She couldn't be sure about Heather's help, but there was just a _chance _that she had another option she hadn't yet thought to pursue.

* * *

_**(Meanwhile, back at Area 51...)**_

The Colonel chewed on the butt of his cigar thoughtfully, watching the sight of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet flying away on the screen. His assistant, Major Milquetoast, watched too, peeking out from behind his clipboard.

"Well, I'd say that went pretty well," the Colonel said finally, nodding and turning away from the monitor. "Everything went _exactly _as planned."

"But...sir," Milquetoast said, raising a finger meekly, "I'm still not sure that it was..._wise..._to give a foreign reality TV show access to our country's most well-guarded secrets, was it?"

The Colonel spit at Milquetoast's feet, causing him to jump. "Well-guarded my foot!" he said. "You know everybody and their grandma already knows we got those aliens here! Even the people who believe that show ain't staged ain't gonna be surprised to find _that_ out." He took his cigar from his mouth and puffed a smoke ring, shaking off the ashes in a pensive sort of way. "And besides, it's _them_ who we made this agreement fer. Gotta make sure they're still thrown off-track and believe all of this 'Area 51' hooey."

Milquetoast nodded meekly. "I suppose, sir."

"Yeah." The Colonel replaced his cigar in his mouth, then turned, addressing all the other soldiers watching monitors in the room. "Alright, now, let's git moving! Operation Decoy is over, so we gotta get this alien stuff out of here before any _actual_ conspiracy hunters get in and find it." He pointed to Milquetoast, who jumped once again. "Phone HQ! Tell them to beef up security at home. We're taking this stuff back where it belongs: Area Fifty-_Three!_"

* * *

**Author's Notes:** And so ends "The Ex-Files." Let the record show that I am up to my ears in homework right now and really didn't have the time to be editing this; indeed, I can't promise that next week's chapter (Part 1 of "Picnic at Hanging Dork") will be up on time, because I don't have it pre-written and this week might be hectic. I'll try my best, though. In the meantime I hope you enjoyed, and please review!


	5. Picnic at Hanging Dork, Part 1

**Author's Notes:** Sorry to miss last week; the Australia challenge has turned out to be harder than I expected, as I need to both change plot lines to be more interesting yet makes these new plot lines _as_ interesting as the originals—hopefully I succeeded, and hopefully I can have the next chapter done on time too. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**"Picnic at Hanging Dork," Part 1  
**

It was rare for Heather to feel so safe in the game, and she was thinking hard about how to make the most of this opportunity while she still had a chance.

Her top goal at the moment—or really, practically since this whole competition had started—was to get rid of that loser Alejandro, or barring that, any member of Team Chris that he could possibly be using as a pawn. Meanwhile Gwen was still _persona non grata_ on her own team, but at the moment Heather was more concerned about Courtney and her apparent goal of sabotaging all of the Amazons' wins. As much as she wanted Gwen gone, she couldn't put up with something like that while Alejandro was still a threat.

Playing anyone would be tricky right now, Heather thought, taking a bite out of the chocolate bar she had gotten in first class. She needed to figure out who to try to ally herself with, and how to keep Courtney—

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as she passed the bathroom, and a figure suddenly emerged to pull her inside. Heather let out a cry, her chocolate bar falling from her hand as she was hoisted into the room.

"_HEY!_"

The door shut; Heather couldn't see, but even if she hadn't already known someone else was there she could have sensed how crowded the tiny room felt. Before Heather even had a chance to wonder, the unseen figure spoke in an annoyingly familiar voice.

"Okay, we vote out _Gwen_ next, agreed?"

Heather, quickly recovering from the surprise, crossed her arms. "_Not_ if you're going to try and make us lose on purpose again."

Outside the room, Owen walked by, still licking his fingers from a delicious breakfast of Something Green That Chef Made. Suddenly he felt his foot sink into something soft. He blinked and looked at the bottom of his shoe, eyes growing wide at the sight.

In the bathroom, Courtney gave a loud gasp—too loud, in fact, for Heather to believe it was actually real. "_I did no such thing!_ But…on the _off-chance _that our winning streak _does_ end, I want a guarantee that Pasty McJerkface goes home first. _Okay?_"

Owen took the chocolate bar off of his shoe and looked both ways down the hall, wondering what to do, while inside, Heather smirked to herself, thinking. She crossed two fingers together against her arm as she turned back to the sound of Courtney's voice.

"Sure! _If_ you give me a guarantee you won't vote _me _off instead."

"Deal!"

Inside the bathroom, both girls grinned. Outside, Owen was slowly bringing the smooched floor-chocolate to his face, hands trembling and mouth watering in anticipation.

Suddenly, the door beside him opened. Memories of being caught at fat camp suddenly surging into his mind, Owen let out a scream and threw the candy up into the air, turning and running back to the galley. Heather jumped back in surprise at the noise, shielding her eyes from the light, then rolled her eyes and made her way back to first class, leaving the forgotten chocolate for the rats.

Back in the bathroom, Courtney flipped on the lights so she could use the confessional.

* * *

**Courtney:** I am _so_ ready to push Gwen out the door at 30,000 feet! _Ugh,_ we have _got _to lose the next challenge! Sierra will vote with me, but it'll take three votes to do the job right! So that leaves _Heather,_ who doesn't trust me and isn't even _remotely _trustworthy, or Cody, who _still_ can't see the evil seeping from Gwen's poorly-moisturized skin.

(_sigh_) Neither are exactly great options, so I better make sure I don't leave all my eggs in one basket.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in first class, one of those eggs had already been eyed by another fox in the hen house. Unfortunately, she was finding its shell a bit harder to crack than expected.

"If I can get Heather on-side, the three of us can vote out Courtney!"

"If anyone goes, it's Sierra!"

"Oh, Sierra will go," Gwen reassured him. "_After_ Courtney."

"_She stole all my underwear!_ I'm down to my swim trunks!" Cody cried, holding up his spare bathing suit. Gwen was a bit taken aback by his expression—for the last few days Cody seemed to be getting more and more terrified every time his "girlfriend" was brought up. (This conversation, incidentally, was only happening because Cody had purposefully left his backpack back in the galley at breakfast; Sierra was no doubt sniffing his socks that very moment, but this had been the only way he could talk to Gwen without her constantly around.)

Gwen shook her head. "But we can't waste time, Cody! She won't vote _you_ out, but Courtney's voting against me for _sure!_"

"But—" Cody's brain groped desperately. "She's only got two votes! If we vote off Sierra, wouldn't that be enough to stop her?"

"But Courtney's the ringleader. If she stays, she'll just try to find another way to get me off. And we can't be sure Heather won't side with her _next _challenge or something—we have to get rid of Courtney, and we have to do it fast!"

"But…"

"Come on, Cody! _Please?_"

She clasped her hands together, giving him a desperate look. Something in his heart seemed to jump up and try to seize control of his brain, ordering him to succumb to the power of her puppy-dog eyes.

At the same moment, though, the image of her and Duncan kissing flashed into his mind. He tried to force it away—it kept coming up whenever he most wanted it gone, to his continued annoyance.

"I'll…think about it."

"But Cody—"

"Heh, relax, babe, okay?" Cody said, suddenly forcing a smile as he stood. "The Code-man won't let you get kicked off, okay? Promise."

He put one hand over his heart as he walked away, leaving Gwen slightly surprised and frowning behind him.

Cody sat in the other set of chairs now, sighing as he sunk into the cushions. He felt tired. All this internecine conflict was starting to get to him—he knew it was supposed to be par for the course on this show, but he had never really realized how much plotting and hatred took out of a guy. Plus, he hadn't slept much the night before—Sierra had gotten into the habit of taking off his sweater every time he dozed off, and he wanted to make sure she never got far enough to remove any _other_ articles of clothing. But now that she wasn't around, maybe he could take a moment to relax…

"Cookie?"

"Huh? !"

Cody jerked up in surprise to find Courtney standing behind his chair, extending a fresh plate of cookies from the first-class refreshments . He blinked in confusion for a moment, then smiled as their aroma hit his nose. He took one.

"Oh, um—thanks, Courtney."

"Oh, no _problem,_ Codester."

Cody's smile unconsciously widened a bit as Courtney sat down next to him, placing the cookie tray on the armrest between them. Cody took a bite, letting out a muffled moan of euphoria. "_Mmm, mm_. The chocolate chips are still _gooey!_ First class _rocks!_"

Courtney gave a girlish giggle as Cody took another. Gwen saw this from her seat and scowled. Courtney saw this and grinned wider, purposefully moving closer in her seat to Cody, a fact that he failed to notice.

Meanwhile, Sierra reentered the room, her pockets stuffed with Cody's socks. Like Gwen she scowled at the sight of Courtney cuddling up with Cody (_her _boyfriend!), but she merely growled softly, turning away and storming across the room to sit somewhere else.

Courtney noticed, frowned, then stood up, turning to smile at Cody. "Excuse me," she said sweetly, but he was too observed in other sweet things to care. Then Courtney followed Sierra to one of the tables near the bar, sliding into the seat across from her. The other girl had her arms and was pointedly refusing to look at her teammate.

"Sierra? You okay?"

"_HMPH. Peachy._"

"Oh, come on. I already told you, I'm just doing this to make Gwen and Duncan jealous. Plus, it'd be a good thing if we could butter up Cody right now," she added, dropping her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "We can't trust Heather to vote with us, so we need to get Cody on our side if we can."

"But why can't _I_ do that part? !" Sierra cried too loudly, finally turning toward Courtney as she winced and looked around to see if anybody was listening to her practically shouting. "That job would be _perfect_ for me! Cody hangs on my every word, and I—"

"Are shouting like a banshee! _SHHH!_" Courtney hissed. Sierra blinked confusedly as Courtney rubbing her temples, trying to stay calm. "Look—Sierra. I know you want to…_help _and everything, but we need to be subtle right now. Cody's not going to listen to us if we just tell him to turn on Gwen, so we really need to—"

"But I can be subtle! I wouldn't have gotten around all those restraining orders if I didn't know how to be _sneaky!_" Sierra cried, and Courtney facepalmed as everyone else in the room turned to look at her; even Sierra was bright enough to wince this time, looking back at Courtney nervously.

Courtney sighed, exasperated. "Look—don't worry, alright? I have everything under control. _Believe _me, I don't like flirting with Cody any more than you like watching it," she muttered, rising to her feet. "But this is for the best."

She turned and went back to her seat; Cody had vacated his to go and use the confessional. Sierra watched her go, scowling before she turned away again.

Courtney sunk into her seat, sighing again. She would be so glad when that two-timing lowlife and his new floozy were finally gone—all this work was _exhausting,_ and neither Heather nor Sierra were exactly the best people to work with. At least Cody seem mollified with a couple of snacks...

Her eyes wandered down to the tray on the armrest, and she noticed that he had left a few of the cookies before leaving. Courtney wondered vaguely if he had assumed she wanted them—from the way he was constantly guzzling down candy she assumed he wouldn't have left them otherwise. Courtney, on the other hand, rarely ate anything so unhealthy.

Courtney eyed the cookies for a moment, then reached down to take one. A few minutes later, the tray was empty. Cody was right—they were delicious.

* * *

**Sierra:** I really don't care if Courtney's flirting with Cody. It's just to throw Gwen off, it's not like it _means_ anything. After all, I know that my darling little Codykins' heart belongs only to me. Who cares?

(_Crosses arms and looks away, only to open them a moment later and give a dark look around the room._)

* * *

**Cody: **Of _course_ I don't want Gwen to get voted off, but Courtney's been acting really nice to me lately, and I am _so_ ready to get rid of Sierra. All I have to do is make sure we keep winning until Duncan gets booted. Then, maybe Courtney will drop her Gwen-vendetta, and my new alliance can get rid of Sierra!

(_A knock on the door makes Cody jump. His surprise turns to annoyance when Sierra speaks from the other side of the door._)

**Sierra:** Cody? You okay in there? (_gasp_) There's nobody in there with you, is there? !

**Cody:** _Ugh…_

* * *

The members of Team Chris were having similar problems coming up with strategies for the next challenge.

Duncan was beginning to realizing that the team he had been drafted into for this game wasn't turning out to be the luckiest (although with Team Victory already wiped out they weren't the _un_luckiest either). As it stood the whole group consisted of just himself, Owen and Alejandro, and Duncan didn't consider either of them the best possible allies. Owen tended to do well because of some kind of inexplicable luck, but first-season experience reminded Duncan that that luck rarely extended to anyone around him. As for Al…

Well, Duncan just didn't like Al. Al made him feel wary. There was something snakelike about him, something not to be trusted.

Al, of course, had pretty much the exact same thoughts about Duncan. He was also trying to work out his strategy, and how he could possibly use these two idiots to further his own ends.

"_Ugh, _Loser Class _again? _Pathetic," he muttered, looking up from the rat that was currently nibbling on the toe of his expensive leather boot. "Men! We must rise from the ashes and ignite the fires of victory!"

"I'm _all_ for startin' fires," Duncan said, sitting up slightly from the hard wooden bench he was using as a bed.

Alejandro stroked his chin, thinking. "The Amazons are only powerful because they have both Courtney and Heather," he mused. "We _need_ to break them apart. But _how?_"

"Ooh, ooh, ooh!" Owen said, raising his hand in the air. "Act like you're crushing on Heather and she'll go home, same as Bridgette and Leshawna!"

"Bridgette _and_ Leshawna?" Duncan said, raising an eyebrow. "I thought I was the only guy who snagged double-gold at the Babelympics."

"Uh…yes," Alejandro said awkwardly, silently cursing Owen for letting that information slip. "I was—truly fond of both. Sadly, the fates were against us."

"Yeah. Must really suck that the two chicks you fell for were both already taken."

Alejandro's eyes snapped toward him in an annoyed glare. "Well, you should know better than anyone that the heart often wanders where it shouldn't,_ eh,_ friend?"

Duncan blinked, then rolled his eyes. "Whatever." Like he cared; they was Geoff and Harold's problems, after all. Still, it was something to take note of—Al apparently has a thing with two unavailable girls (from other teams, if Duncan recalled correctly), and the next thing you know they're both eliminated? Definitely suspicious.

Alejandro, meanwhile, rubbed his chin, trying to recover from his momentarily loss of control. "I guess I _could_ attempt a false seduction," he said, "…but it goes against the gentlemen's code."

"There's a code for that crud?" Duncan muttered sarcastically.

"And if I seduce Heather…Courtney will remain unaffected. If only we could weaken both at once!"

"_Pfft, _easy," Duncan said. "Heather's kinda into you, right? So, seduce Courtney."

"But that won't work!" Owen objected. "Courtney's into Cody now."

"Oh my gosh—are you serious, Owen?"

"Yeah! I mean, didn't you notice the way she keeps flirting with him?" Owen said, completely missing Duncan's point. "I mean, Al did alright with Bridgette and Leshawna, but Geoff and Harold weren't there then, so I don't know if—"

"No—what I mean is that Courtney doesn't _really_ like that little loser," Duncan said, waving his hand dismissively. "She's obviously just faking it to try to get me jealous or whatever."

"Oh…you think so?" Alejandro said, his face falling a bit.

Duncan scoffed again. "Well, _obviously._ She ain't exactly winning any Gemmies with that acting of hers."

Alejandro nodded slowly, trying to look neutral. _Maldito_—half the reason for him setting up that little gambit had just gone out the window. _How could Duncan be so insouciant?_ he wondered. Whatever his current situation with her, he would have expected at least _some_ jealousy over a girl he had only recently been so ga-ga for. Though still, there was at least something overly dismissive in his tone—Alejandro had a feeling Courtney was at least annoying him with her antics.

But still, he would have to rattle a few more cages if he wanted better results.

"Well, Duncan…_you_ at least seem successful in driving _her_ into a frenzy, don't you think?" Duncan raised an eyebrow. "I mean, her little…_performance_ during Tyler's elimination."

"Heh…yeah, what can I say? Chick just won't get over me," Duncan said in a tone both dry and prideful, reclining again with his hands behind his head.

"Well, _nothing _seems to distract her more than seeing you and Gwen together. Perhaps we could find a way to use that to our advantage?"

Duncan quirked an eyebrow at Alejandro's smirking face. "That could work," he said slowly. "But what about Heather?"

"Oh, you just worry about Gwen and Courtney, my friend. Leave Heather to me."

* * *

**Duncan:** I don't trust that Al-e-jandro guy as far as I can throw him, but if he thinks flirting with a hot chick and ticking off my ex-girlfriend is good for the team—meh, who am I to argue?

* * *

**Alejandro:** This strategy is bound to throw the Amazons off. I already have Courtney flirting with Cody, which is sure to mess with Gwen and Sierra, and now with Duncan thrown in we're sure to distract them all even further. It's a great way to let _him_ make even more enemies while _I_ court a lovely ally of my own. (_Smirks as he wriggles his eyebrows flirtatiously at the camera._)

_

* * *

_

"_All competitors please move to the common area to prep for landing,_" Chris said over the loudspeaker.

The Amazons were the first ones to arrive; they sat around carefully not speaking, which probably had something to do with the fact that each of them had some sort of plan to manipulate or harm at least one of the others. The only exception was Courtney, who was neither sitting nor making any attempt to hide the furious glare that Gwen was pointedly not acknowledging.

Gwen heard somebody slide into the seat across from her; she turned around to see Duncan sitting on the other side of the table, smirking playfully.

"_Hey,_ Pasty," he said in as teasing a voice as he could manage, shooting a quick look over her shoulder to see Courtney's eyes widen and then narrow furiously. "Have fun in first class without me?"

"Huh?" Without consciously thinking Gwen could detect something slightly off about his tone, throwing her for a split second. "Oh—it was alright," she said, choosing to ignore the anger and machinating that had consumed most of the flight since leaving the United States. "Might have been better if I could have smuggled you up there with me."

"Yeah?" He leaned across the table toward her, trying to look as lovestruck and flirtatious as possible. His eyes were on Gwen, but he got immense satisfaction from the growl he heard escape from Courtney's lips in the process.

What he missed was the angry scoff that came from Cody's. Courtney heard it, though, and without warning she suddenly pushed Heather and Sierra out from their seats beside him on the bench, ignoring their angry cries as she sat down and sidled up to him.

"_Hey_ Cody," she said, her tone even more fake and amorous than Duncan's.

Cody tore his eyes away from Douchebag (er, Duncan), confused to find her where Sierra had been seconds before. "Huh?"

Sierra climbed to her feet, grumbling and crossing her arms tightly over her chest. Heather stood too, casting a withering look from Courtney and Cody and then to Gwen and Duncan. "Oh my gosh, am I the _only_ one capable of keeping my head in the game when _boys_ are around?" she muttered.

"Well good _morning,_ my fine _señorita__._"

"Huh? !" Heather whipped around to see Alejandro bowing to her. "What's so great about it? !" she snapped.

"My, a little on edge today, aren't we?" he teased, straightening up and flashing his unnaturally perfect smile. "I merely wanted to compliment you on how lovely you look this fine day."

"Well, you don't have to, I already know. Now get lost."

"Very well," he said evenly, taking no notice of her scowl. "Good luck in the competition, _mi bella se__ñ__orita._"

He strolled off, surreptitiously eyeing the others as he passed. Heather glared after him.

* * *

**Heather:** Okay, what's with that? Alejandro does not get this chummy unless he's up to something, and he's an idiot if he expects me to fall for it.

(_Looks darkly at the camera for a moment, then looks away, an inscrutable expression on her face._)

* * *

"Okay, contestants! Today's forecast—clear skies with temperatures of 50 degrees Celsius, or say, 300 degrees Fahrenheit."

"I don't think you calculated that right," Cody said, cocking his head and counting quickly on his fingers.

"Yes I did. Anyway, Chef's having some trouble with the plane, so today's landing is going to be more of a _non-_landing flyby."

"Um, what do you mean by that?"

Chris responded by throwing open the hatch; outside a desert scene whipped by as a sudden blast of air threatened to pull them out of the plane. "_JUMP, DROP AND ROLL!_ Go, go, go!"

Sierra instantly picked up Cody (despite his loud objections) and grinned as she jumped with him out of the plane; he let out a scream as he landed on the ground ten feet below them, unable to breath as Sierra's weight landed on his back.

"_Whee!_ Oh boy, that was fun, wasn't it, Codykins? !"

Cody coughed, sputtering as he tried to breath and inhaled burning red dust into his throat, choking him. Sierra didn't notice as she casually got off from his back, reaching down to pull him roughly to his feet.

"I wonder where we are today. And I wonder what the challenge will be. What do you think, Cody? Cody?"

Cody coughed, trying to clear his throat as he glared at her.

* * *

The un-landing meant that the contestants were spread out over a fairly large range of space. Chris gathered them all back together, the two teams standing slightly apart, as he put on a hat and two of the interns set up the cameras.

"Grr…hurry up! What's taking so long? !"

"Just a minute, Mr. Maclean!" Then, in a low voice so only his companion could hear him, "'Cause I just _love_ having to listen to your whining after being pushed out of a plane. _Again._"

"He pushed _me_ out just so he could keep that loser all the fangirls love."

"Hell, dude, at least _you_ had a parachute when he did it! It working now?"

"Let me check…yeah. Mr. Maclean! We're rolling."

"_Finally._ Okay, um…you. Redshirt."

"My name's Nelson, sir."

"Yeah, whatever. You go and get the things for the challenge. And um…you. Guy."

"Billy."

"Don't care. Go find out if Chef managed to land the plane yet," he said, waving vaguely off into the distance.

"Huh? But—"

"Okay, we rolling?" Chris asked, as Nelson rolled his eyes and Billy slumped before trudging miserably off into the desert. "Okay, then. _G'day,_ mate, and welcome to Australia!"

"That accent's terrible," Billy muttered as he disappeared behind a rock formation.

"I call today's challenge _the Marathon of Death!_ Part 1 is an emu race all the way into the Blue Mountains. I'm not saying the trip will be dangerous _exactly,_ but with venomous snakes, killer scorpions and the very real possibility to _sunstroke,_ I hope you all have your affairs in order."

Everyone on Team Amazon exchanged nervous looks (even Courtney, who, of course, _did_ have her affairs in order). A few of them looked off after the intern who was sharing their fate. Meanwhile, Cody had frowned slightly as he considered the weirder, less deadly part of Chris' statement.

"Whoever reaches majestic Hanging Rock first will earn a distinct advantage in the second half of the challenge. And _yes, _I said _emu,_" Chris added, noting the confused look on Cody's face. "_Bring 'em in, boys!_"

Nelson had returned with another intern (who looked remarkably similar to Billy, incidentally), each of them leading a collection of what looked like gray, squawking ostriches wearing leashes and reins.

"No saddle! After all, it's supposed to be a challenge," Chris said, speaking up over the emus' calls.

"_Ugh._ How are we supposed to ride them?" Heather asked.

"I dunno! Guess you'll have to figure it out after you catch 'em."

"Wha—"

The contestants suddenly noticed that the interns were unbuckling the emus' leashes; instantly the birds began running around wildly, squawking and flapping their flightless wings.

"Now _GO!_"

* * *

The contestants ran around wildly, chasing after the wild emus. Fortunately none of them ran off into the desert, but even so they were fast—Cody managed to grab one by the butt-feathers once, but it managed to run free and knock him onto his backside before he could think of how to mount it.

"Ooh! I'll help you, Cody!"

Suddenly he was yanked off of his feet, clutched tightly against Sierra's chest. Before he had a chance to ask what she intended to do she suddenly threw him, causing him to land (painfully!) draped on his stomach across an emu's back. It ran off wildly, trying to shake him as he struggled to sit up and grab its reins.

Courtney, meanwhile, had managed to find a docile one, much to her annoyance. She pushed it away roughly as it stood waiting for her to mount, then turned around far too slowly to catch another one that trotted by, all while pathetically bemoaning her fate.

"Oh _no!_ _Ugh._ This is _tricky!_ Oh, I'll _never_ catch one!"

"Hey, Courtney!"

She looked up; Cody had managed to right himself on his emu, holding its reins in one hand while leading another of the birds beside him. It was, in fact, the same emu that she had just pushed away, inadvertently causing it to run right into the back of his.

"Here's an easy one for you, if you're having trouble," he said, holding out the reins to her.

"What? ! Oh…_grr,_" she said, accepting them with an annoyed look Cody managed to totally miss. "Thanks."

Cody smiled. A short way off, Gwen paused her wild emu chase to stop and watch them warily.

* * *

**Gwen:** On the one hand, Cody managed to stop Courtney's transparent attempt to throw the game. On the other hand…I'm not sure he realized he was doing that. And considering he's the only friend I've got right now, the last thing I need is for the two of them to get chummy.

* * *

"Hey, gorgeous!"

Gwen turned; Duncan was heading toward her, arms wrapped around an emu's neck as he tried to drag it over. His efforts weren't going too well, however; the bird was fighting beak and nail, pecking sharply at his head.

"Hey I—_OW!_—managed to snag a—_agh, stop it!_—stupid ostrich for you. _Get over there!_"

"Huh?" Gwen frowned, looking confused. "Um…no offense, Duncan, but I don't really think you should be doing that. I'm not really comfortable accepting help from the other team. Remember, Trent…?"

"What? ! Oh…um—"

The emu managed to wrestle him to the ground, then started drilling right into his hair. Duncan cried and tried to get it back under control to no avail. Gwen's eyes widened.

"Um…I'm just gonna go find my own bird now," she said, quickly rushing away.

The bird got loose from Duncan's grasp and ran away, leaving the punk glowering on the ground. To his annoyance, Alejandro rode past on an emu just at that moment. "Come, Duncan! Show the emu that you're the boss!" he called, waving after him.

Duncan glared, then managed to spot a docile emu and jump on its back. Before he could fully settle himself, however, Cody ran past on _his _emu, slamming into the side of Duncan's and knocking him off-balance. He fell forward on the feathery back, clutching feathers to stay on.

"_Agh!_"

"_Oops! Sorry!_" Cody mocked, his eyes narrowed in an uncharacteristically amused glare.

"You did that on purpose!"

Cody blew a raspberry, then laughed as he rode off into the desert.

* * *

Courtney's emu squawked as she pulled back on its reins, slowing its trot. Up ahead, Heather looked back in annoyance.

"Come _on!_ Pick up the pace!"

"It's not _me._ It's the _emu,_" Courtney said, trying to sound put-upon herself.

"It has a brain the size of a walnut! _Take charge!_"

Suddenly Alejandro came up from behind Courtney, his emu stopping to trot at their speed without Alejandro making any apparent command.

"_¡Hola, Heather!_ Your emu is the luckiest creature on Earth; it has the privilege of carrying you. See you at the top!"

And without another word his emu sped up again, passing the two of them. Heather watched him go, eyes slightly wider than usual, then angrily stuck up her nose, cheeks burning.

Courtney watched all this with a quirked eyebrow. Heather sensed her gaze and turned around, glaring. "What? !"

"Nothing! It's just…well, are you an Alejandro a, you know…_thing_ now?"

"_What? ! No!_" Heather said, a bit too emphatically to be very convincing. She scoffed, turning up her nose again. "About as much a 'thing' as you and Cody, anyway."

"Oh. Okay."

"What's that supposed to mean? !"

"Nothing!"

Heather shot an angry look back at her. It was obvious how defensive she was being—Courtney felt a strong urge to roll her eyes or say something sarcastic, but remembered that she had to keep Heather on her good side. Must think of Gwen plummeting to her death…

Heather turned away, a foul expression still on her face. "Let's keep going," she snapped, and then pulled on her reins, making the emu run off at a speedier pace. Courtney frowned and followed, making sure her bird still didn't go _quite_ as fast as her teammate's.


	6. Picnic at Hanging Dork, Part 2

**Author's Notes:** This chapter's kind of late, isn't it? Sorry again; this episode really is turning out difficult to work with, plus homework and all the other distractions in my life. (Gah, so much due Monday that I should be working on...) Anyway, I'll try to get next week's done on time, and in the meantime I hope you enjoy this!

* * *

**"Picnic at Hanging Dork," Part 2**

Chef got out of the Jeep; he hesitated, then peeked at the back, where Billy the Intern lay, sunburned and dehydrated. His eyes were closed and his tongue lolled out of his mouth. He looked feverish.

"You gonna be alright, boy?" Chef asked.

"_Ugh..._sun-baked...potato, Mr. Boop-a-doop."

"_Hmm..._uh, OTHER INTERNS!"

"Yes, Mr. Hatch—agh, dang it, Billy! Hey, Willy, get over here, we need to get him to the infirmary quick!"

"_Ugh,_ not again..."

Willy went around and picked Billy up under the shoulders while Nelson grabbed his ankles, working together to carry him out of the Jeep. Chef watched the three go, then turned and climbed the rest of the way up the path to Hanging Rock. He found Chris on the cliff, looking around as an Aborigine man in a park ranger's uniform was trying to ask him some questions.

"Wait, Mr. Maclean, did you say _two_ days?" the man, Tom Wandoon, asked as he scanned his clipboard. "I'm sorry, we only have your reservation set for today."

"Yeah, well, we decided to give those kids a bit longer hike after we made that," Chris said, leaning over the side to peer at the currently-empty animal pen at the foot of the mountain. "Make 'em really work for it."

"But, um—if they're not even going to be here today, how do you intend to—?"

"Yeah, just write us down for this place tomorrow, too, then," Chris said carelessly, waving the man away.

"I'm sorry, but you really can't do that on such short notice—Hanging Rock is a national park, you know."

"Look, we'll fax you the money for it, okay? So unless you want to discuss this matter with Ms. Deville—"

Mr. Waldoon's blanched. "No, no, that won't be necessary," he said meekly. Ms. Deville was the head of the Total Drama Network's legal department, and the one to arrange this little event; she had not been a pleasant woman to talk to. "I'll just...go and make the arrangements, then."

He trudged part-ways down the mountain to a small wooden cabin with _Hanging Rock Recreation Reserve_ written over its door. Inside was a small office empty except for Mr. Waldoon's teenage son Johnny, who was leaning back in his chair and playing a Game Guy. Mr. Waldoon cast him a suspicious look.

"Shouldn't you be doing homework?"

"Finished," he said, not looking up. His father didn't really believing that but decided not to argue. He began to search through his papers, muttering to himself.

"So, that Maclean guy's here?" Johnny asked.

"Yes," Mr. Waldoon muttered. Then he forced a smile. "It's exciting, eh? We get to host international TV stars."

"I wouldn't exactly call that has-been a star," Johnny muttered. There was a pause. "Hey, Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, son?"

"Remember when I was twelve, and you dragged me down here to do that whole 'male initiation' thing that the tribe was putting on?"

"_...Yes,_" Mr. Waldoon said cautiously.

"Remember what you said, 'oh, Johnny, you need to reconnect with our heritage,' 'oh, Johnny, this mountain is sacred to our people,' 'oh, Johnny, you don't know how lucky you _are_ that—'"

"Johnny, do you have a point?"

"Well, I was just wondering, how much money are we getting to sell out our people's sacred heritage to this stupid Canadian reality show that hasn't even been good since it's first season ended?"

"Well, we're not—I wouldn't say we're '_selling out,_' I mean—you have to know your heritage, but—and you know, it's my bosses who approved this anyway, so—um..."

Johnny had finally paused his game to look at his flustered father. Mr. Waldoon stammered for another moment, then grimaced, looking cross.

"Look, they were either going to do this or use Uluru, alright? Now do you really want the Pitjantjatjara to beat us again? !"

Johnny rolled his eyes went back to his video game. His father looked annoyed and stalked off to call his bosses.

"Hey, there are security cameras around the park still, right?" Johnny called.

"Yes, why?"

"No reason," he said, the slightest smirk coming across his face.

* * *

Heather did not care that Alejandro had been flirting with her.

Well, scratch that—she was willing to admit that she "cared" in the sense of being properly suspicious, knowing that he had some sort of scheme but not yet knowing how to foil it. That was the reason she kept thinking about him, why she kept mentally replaying his words, his flirtatious smile, she was just analyzing them, trying to find some clue about his intentions. Obviously.

He was just trying to throw her off, she decided. Trying to get her to slip up and lose the challenge. Well, Heather certainly wasn't going to allow _him_ to hold her back.

Courtney, however…

"Move! Come on, we don't have all day here!"

Courtney growled softly to herself, lifting her head up to glare at Heather through the hot, wavy air. "I'm going as fast as I can," she snarled. Which was a lie, of course, she was making her emu trot as slowly as possible, but did Heather honestly have to call her out on that every five minutes? !

"Well, we don't have time to just crawl along when Al and his lackeys are probably already there buttering up to Chris!" Heather glared off into the distance. "How far away _is_ this stupid rock anyway?"

"How am I supposed to know? We're in the middle of nowhere. For all I know, we might be going in the wrong direction." She paused, an idea popping into her head. "In fact...maybe we better split up. You know, so that we know at least one of us is going the right way."

Heather gave her a suspicious glare. "Chris said the _whole_ team had to get there, not just one of us. And besides," she leaned so far back it seemed she would fall from her emu, eyes narrowed threateningly, "I want to make sure that _you _get there on time."

"_Ugh! _I mean—come _on,_ Heather. Do you really think—"

"Remember what I said the condition of our little alliance was? Although I suppose I _could_ find somebody other than Gwen to vote for if I _had_ to. _Get it?_"

Courtney shut her mouth, pursing her lips tightly. She glared in the other direction. "I'd've thought flirting with Al would have put you in a better mood," she muttered, lower than she thought Heather would have been able to hear.

Heather _did_ hear her, however, and turned away, putting her nose up. Her eyes fell back on the path, and she silently began to ruminate on which of her two feuding teammates she _really_ wanted gone.

* * *

While Heather was trying to show up Alejandro by winning and Courtney was trying to get back at Duncan by losing, Sierra was focusing on her usual sole objective in life: Cody. **[1]**

Her plan, of course, had been to monitor him throughout the challenge, but unfortunately she had fallen behind—her bird was the same one that Duncan had been having such trouble with, and every minute or so it would turn around and start angrily pecking at her head, and occasionally start running off in random directions. She always managed to get it mostly under control, but by now she had lost sight of her beloved Codykins—and who _knew_ what might happen if she didn't find him? ! He might come across a deadly evil beast, a noxious vermin who would strike at his poor defenseless Codyness and take him away from her forever!

By which she meant _Gwen,_ of course.

The thought made her lip curl and her stomach twist into a helpless little knot.

Oh, Sierra knew all about Gwen. She had been watching her all season try to cozen up to her little Codykins, and she didn't like it. But still, she had been so sure that Cody would come around to realize that he was with her eventually, and at the _very_ least give up on Gwen when she got together with Duncan...but no, Gwen wasn't happy just stealing _one_ guy, oh no, she had to have the _whole freaking cast_ to herself, didn't she—well, Sierra wasn't going to give up, she was going to find Cody and make him come over to the right side! And Courtney didn't think she could do it—she'd show her, if there was one thing Sierra could do, it was train her boyfriend right!

The emu started pecking again; Sierra let out a cry and batted it away, then blinked up through the scene and caught sight of another emu climbing a hill ahead of her. Who was that on its back? ! It looked like...yes, it was! It was her Codykins! She let out a high-pitched squeal, waving wildly.

"Hey Cody! Cody! _OW,_ stop that! Cody, Cody! Cody Cody Cody Cody Cody Cody—_OW STOP THAT YOU STUPID BIRD!__—__CODY!_"

"Oh, no." Cody ducked down vainly, pressing his heels into his emu's feathery side. "Faster, Jerry. _Faster!_"

"Omigosh, Jerry! Just like the name of that stuffed emu you've had since you were a baby!" Sierra said excitedly as she ran up right beside him. "How adorable! By the way, why didn't you bring it with you to the show? I've searched in every compartment of your backpack thirty or forty times and I've never—_would you stop it, you mangy bird? !_"

Sierra wrapped her hands around her emu's long neck as it started pecking at her again. Cody looked around quickly, hoping that this distraction would give him an opportunity to get away, but Sierra managed to swat the bird away after a moment and instantly turned back to him, smiling.

"So, do you like the name Jerry? Like, for a hypothetical future child or something?"

"Er..." Cody's mind was racing; this was his punishment for wishing he had some company, wasn't it? "Um, hey, have you seen any other people from our team? We should probably all try to stay together, you know, if we can...so that nobody gets lost or anything." _And so I have someone to buffer me against your insanity,_ he added silently.

"What? Oh...no, I haven't. But does that really matter?" Sierra asked flirtatiously, leaning to the side so that she snuggled against Cody's shoulder; instantly he drew back the other way, almost falling off of Jerry in the process. "After all, we have each other."

"...Yeah. Great."

"And besides, it's not like we need them anyway," Sierra added quickly, scoffing. "I mean...we don't really want to be hanging around with _Heather_ or anything, do we?"

"No, I guess not..."

"Or Courtney. I mean—she's _okay,_" Sierra tried, remembering the alliance she was supposed to be drawing him into, "but still. And whatever she tells you, she's still _totally_ into Duncan, you hear me? Her flirting is all _lies!_"

"I—wait, huh?"

"And other than them, all that's left of the team is _Gwen._" Sierra pronounced the name like it left a very bitter taste in her mouth. "And it's not like she needs any of us around."

"Well...no, I guess not." _Though I don't see why that means I can't _want_ to be around her._

"After all, that would just get in her way of flirting with nasty old _Duncan,_ now wouldn't it?"

"Huh? !" Cody blinked, that increasingly-familiar "punched in the gut" feeling came back to him once again.

"Well, I mean, you _saw _how much they were flirting with each other before the challenge began. Don't get me wrong, they're probably in, like, my top ten favorite TD pairings and everything, but the way Duncan was just going on like that...and she just laps it up!"

"Uh..._yeah._" Cody dropped his head down, eyes downcast, a dark look on his face. Ooh, this was good, Sierra thought—Cody looked really depressed! Maybe now was the time she could finally give that stupid Gwody ship it's well-deserved sinking.

"I mean, _I_ don't get why some girls go for that sort of thing, you know? But I guess Gwen is just the type, falling for a few slick moves and a 'bad boy' image. I never understood what was so attractive about people like Trent or Duncan when you have a _Cody_ sitting right next to you." She giggled, ignoring the way Cody's shoulders fell lower and his eyes turned harder, more icy. "I mean, just the look she had the other day during that _kiss_ was— "

"You know what, Sierra? !" Cody suddenly barked, pulling on his rein so that Jerry took a step around to block her emu's path, making it cry out and flap its wings in confusion. "I think you're right, we don't really _need_ any teammates right now. In fact, I think I'll see you later. Come on, Jerry!"

He kicked his emu's side a bit harder than was necessary and the bird, squawking, turned around and ran off, leaving a cloud of dust in Sierra's face. She coughed and blinked as it cleared, watching as Cody vanished into the distance. She looked her emu in the eye as it regarded her silently.

"Was it something I sa—_agh, stop that!_" she screamed as suddenly it began to peck at her hair again. It began running around in circles again, squawking in victory as she dropped its reins.

* * *

"Okay...the sun's going down," Courtney observed, looking off at the horizon; the bright orange-and-pink glow might have seemed beautiful if the two girls hadn't been so worried at the moment. "Did Chris say anything about it taking this long?"

"No, but we're going in the right direction," Heather mumbled, using the sunset to gauge their trajectory. She hesitated, then bent down over her emu. "Let's keep going."

"But shouldn't we stop for the night or something?"

Heather scoffed. "And let Al and the others get ahead? Fat chance!"

"But—"

"Look, I am getting sick of your constant attempt to stall us, Courtney!" Heather snapped, turning in her seat to glare at her surprised teammate. "So either we keep going or _you're_ on the top of my own personal 'do not fly' list from this episode on, got it? !"

She turned around and leaned forward again, grumbling quietly. Courtney hesitated, then looked down at her emu; both it and Heather's were going much slower now, their long necks turned down, an occasional gasp escaping their beaks. Courtney doubted they would _last _through the night if they kept going; she opened her mouth for a moment, then closed it, girning at the dusty ground.

"It's to get rid of Gwen," she muttered, patting the bird sympathetically on the head. "_Anything's_ worth it to get back at those two."

* * *

"Okay...that should do it."

Cody stood back, observing his handiwork. Jerry pecked at the ground for a moment and then tried to step away from the tree, only for Cody's makeshift leash to hold him back. The emu struggled for a moment, but the line and Cody's three knots held. Hopefully Cody could trust Jerry not to peck off the line, or slip out or anything else that would screw him over. Then again, he was just an emu; they don't do much, right?

Cody stretched, his body sore from hours scrunched over the bird's back. "I'm just gonna stop for a couple of hours," he muttered, plopping onto the dust and opening his backpack. "Then we gotta keep going. Man, I _really_ hope I'm still going in the right direction...Chris didn't say anything about it taking so long..."

Jerry responded by pecking a grasshopper off of the ground. Cody wrapped himself in a blanket from his backpack; it was nowhere near warm enough. Man, were deserts supposed to be this _cold?_ Maybe it had something to do with the seasons...it was March, so what would that be in Australia, early autumn?

Cody's stomach growled angrily. He didn't even have any more candy with him; he eyed Jerry jealously as he continued to peck up all the grass and bugs within his reach. Trying to ignore his discomfort, he rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky. It was too cloudy to see many stars, and the crescent moon didn't cast enough light, giving the whole view a dull, empty look. He sighed.

He wished that someone else were here with him. Like Gwen. That thought brought a smile to his face. Yeah, him and Gwen, cozying up to each other for warmth in the cold Australian Outback...nice. He wasn't picky, though—at the moment he would have settled for _any_ other company. Like...well, a lot of the people he would have liked most weren't in the game right now, like his bandmates or Noah or Tyler...but Owen, maybe. Not an ideal cuddling companion, granted, but at least he would have had a lot of body heat to share. Or even Courtney or Heather would have been alright. Heck, even Sierra—

...Well, no, not Sierra. Actually, the thought of waking up without her thumb in any of his bodily orifices was actually the one up to this situation. But just about anybody else. Especially Gwen.

Yeah...

He tore his eyes away from the blank sky and looked at his watch. It was currently about 7 AM Toronto time. Which meant that here it was...who the heck knew. He sat his alarm to wake him in five hours. Which would probably _still_ be the middle of the night here, but even this short break might get him too far behind, depending if anyone else decided to stop.

Cody wrapped his blanket tighter around himself and kept shivered. His stomach growled again. Jerry kept pecking.

Cody closed his eyes, trying to imagine that Gwen was curled up in another blanket nearby and idly wondering if Gwen was out there somewhere, thinking about her only ally and wishing that he was with her right now too.

* * *

Not all that far away Gwen was wrapped warmly in a blanket from the plane, looking up as the starlight twinkled above her, the moon in a beautiful crescent. She was tempted to take out her sketchbook but instead lay still, watching the scene quietly and trying to ignore the honks and cries of her tied-up emu.

An idle memory came to her. She tilted her head a bit, smirking slightly.

"I wonder if Duncan is looking at the stars right now," she murmured.

She closed her eyes and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

Somewhere nearby, Duncan stopped scowling for a moment as his eyes seemed to unconsciously flicker upwards toward the sky.

* * *

Something was trying to eat Courtney's hair.

Once she realized this her eyes jumped open, and her soft cry made the emu honk loudly, releasing her hair as it flapped its wings in annoyance. Courtney looked around wildly for a moment, trying to figure out where she was—she was expecting a plane but instead saw a stretch of desert on every side, painted gray by the dim morning light. A little ahead of her another emu was sitting on the ground, Heather still leaning forward on its feathery back. Both still seemed to be sleeping, given Heather's slow breathing and the way the emu's neck was folded onto itself.

Courtney's memories slowly returned. Right—Australia. Emu race. Heather had wanted to go all the way through the night— which was a stupid move, Courtney thought bitterly, because it didn't even work anyway—the birds obviously needed rest and eventually just refused to walk anymore, collapsing on the ground and just snapping angrily whenever Heather tried to disturb their slumber. They would get up throughout the night, but the girls couldn't even get them to go for half an hour before they would fall back down and sleep once again. **[2]**

Courtney looked around, thinking for a moment. The sun was starting to rise**—**presumably that meant the birds wouldn't be so intransigent anymore, which meant that she and Heather had better be going.

Except, Courtney really didn't _want_ to go with Heather.

She paused, considering. She wanted to keep Heather on her side, but...she looked around as if afraid she was being spied, glanced at Heather once again and took the reins of her emu, pulling gently. It let out a cry—Heather stirred before Courtney quickly grabbed its beak and forced it closed, "shhh!"ing.

"No, no, little fella—don't wake up the nasty girl, let's just go for a little walk, okay? You don't even have to go very fast...come on."

She dug her heels into the emu's side and it set off in the direction of the rising sun, leaving Heather still sleeping behind them.

* * *

**Courtney:** I'm not sure if it was a great idea to leave Heather, but her whole "rush rush rush" attitude was driving me _crazy._ And as long as she and the other Amazons were back there snoring, she couldn't blame _me_ for holding the team up.

Still, Heather's starting to look more and more like a long-shot for this alliance. Which means I'm going to have to go for my _other_ long-shot instead.

* * *

Duncan was in a foul mood.

He had been up and trudging through the desert again for hours, and even though he was pretty sure it was still morning the sun was starting to beat down on him like a hammer. And this freakin' birdbrain wasn't making things any easier— he had lost track of how many times the thing had started wandering off to pick at the grass for bugs or whatever, an annoying distractions from a task that would otherwise be _nothing _but mind-numbingly boring.

He hated this challenge. He hated Chris. He hated this whole freakin' season and everyone else in it. Well, except Gwen.

He spotted an emu up ahead through the heat-hazy air. He leaned forward, squinting—at first he thought it was just a wild emu, but when he looked harder he could tell that somebody was lying face-down on its back. They were obviously too small to be one of his bulky teammates, though—it was...

He blinked. Cody.

Duncan scowled, remembering the last time he had seen the little runt. He kicked his emu hard in the side.

Cody was too dazed to notice anything at first— he was exhausted and sore all over and generally as miserable as Duncan was, and the heat was keeping him in a perpetual lethargy that made it hard to do anything but take in those various unpleasant sensations. It was only when he heard somebody yell "_Hey, pipsqueak!_" that he looked back and noticed Duncan barreling toward him on his emu. Cody sat up in surprise and grab his reins, which he quickly pulled as he saw _another_ wild obstacle appear snarling right in front of him.

"_Here comes the pain, ha ha!_"

Cody's emu turned and came trotting back toward Duncan, catching him a bit off-guard so that Cody easily ducked under his fist. Cody turned back as Duncan scowled, grinning as their birds took them in opposite directions.

"You don't know the half of it!"

Duncan glared back, but before he could figure out what that meant, let alone figure out how to turn his own emu around he was suddenly shoved off its back by a powerful force, knocking him to the ground. When Duncan looked up he saw the bird running off as a kangaroo stood nearby, holding its little paws up like fists. Duncan gasped, momentarily stunned, then growled and jumped up, aiming another punch at its face in retaliation. The kangaroo dodged as easily as Cody had, and responded with its own punch (which was surprisingly painful) and another kick (which was _much_ worse), sending him flying once again.

Duncan saw Cody double around and race past again. "You little twerp, you'll get yours!" he shouted, raising his fist threateningly.

Cody smiled and waved as the kangaroo jumped forward, lifted Duncan up by his hair and began to punch him mercilessly with his free paw. Cody laughed as Jerry carried him away.

He kept chuckling for another minute before he became aware of another voice laughing behind him. "Well, that _was_ funny, wasn't it?"

Cody spun around, nearly falling off of Jerry in the process. "Oh—hey, Courtney!"

She smiled, driving her emu forward so that she was trotting beside him. _Just the person I was looking for,_ she thought, her smirk widening.

"Hey, Cody," she said, giving a flirtatious wink. "That was really _smart_ what you did with Duncan back there. And tough, too!"

Cody drew himself up proudly. "Believe me, it was my _pleasure_ to do it," he said, flashing her one of his ridiculous, gap-toothed grins. She giggled again, and Cody couldn't help but feel his heart swell a bit. "It's nice to know that not everybody loves that little weasel," he added without thinking.

Courtney blinked as if confused, an act that distracted Cody away from the widening of her grin. "Huh? Like who?"

"Er, you know...like all those fangirls he has, and the way Chris seems to be trying to keep him on, and, er..."

"Gwen?"

Cody winced, looking away with something that looked almost like shame.

"Well, _I_ don't know _what_ Gwen was thinking," Courtney said, leaning nearer to Cody; he suddenly realized that the two of them were riding about as close as they could without Jerry and her emu bumping into each other. "Picking someone like _Duncan_ over someone like _you. Pfft!_ What an airhead."

Cody shifted his shoulders uncomfortably. "Well, uh...I mean—you know—"

"Especially after how nice you were to her! I mean, I saw the two of you hanging out together all season, and then she and Duncan are together for, what? A day? Less? And she just—goes and starts sucking face with him!" Cody was beginning to be reminded of his talk yesterday with Sierra, but Courtney's tone was so bitter that what she was saying came off awkward rather than insulting. "Can you believe that? !"

"Well...um..."

"Hey." She leaned forward even farther, practically whispering in Cody's ear. "Wanna know a great way we could tick off Duncan even _more?_"

Cody sat up straighter and grinned, relieved to return to this more pleasant topic. "What?"

"Well, Sierra and I were thinking—what if we voted off _Gwen_ the next time we lose a challenge? I mean, it's not like she deserves to still be here anyway," she added, as Cody's eyes widened. "Nasty, philandering cow. I mean, she practically cheated on _both_ of us if you think about it! We gotta stick together through this, _don't_ we, Codester?"

Courtney's sense of triumph shattered as Cody suddenly drew away from her, looking at her like he'd suddenly realized she had the bubonic plague. "Um...I don't know about that, Courtney," Cody said slowly, his eyes drifting away from her as though fearing or hoping to find somebody else around. "I, uh...don't really think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" The girlish smile and the flirtatious teasing were gone in an instant; Courtney's smile had curled into a grimace, her bright eyes dark and hard as they glared at him.

"Well, it's just that, um...the truth is, I was sort of hoping to vote out Sierra next," he stammered, turning to look forward so he wouldn't have to see Courtney's furious face. "And...I sort of don't want to participate in any alliances if I can help it. You know, Team Switzerland and all that?"

"Oh, _really?_" Courtney said, and Cody found his eyes slowly turning back to her; her anger was like a car crash that you just couldn't look away from. "So you're telling me you don't have an alliance with anyone _else,_ then? Like maybe a certain sneaky, nasty little traitor who wants _me_ gone?"

"Um...well, uh...not...exactly?" That was technically the truth; he hadn't promised Gwen anything.

"Yeah, right! _Hmph!_"

She suddenly stuck her nose up in the air, kicking her emu so hard it squawked in pain. It took off and ran past him.

"Wait, Courtney! I just—_ugh._"

A second later all that was left of her was a dust cloud, leaving Cody alone once again.

* * *

**Courtney:** (_glares for a moment, then just looks annoyed_) Well, _that_ could have gone better.

* * *

**Cody:** (_sighs wearily_)

* * *

Courtney was still fuming when she began to ascend Hanging Rock. She wasn't even paying attention to her speed—she had simply been pushing her emu to go faster so that she could avoid running into any of these other idiots in the contest, giving only a passing thought to her original plan of losing. As a result she reached the top to find only Chris, Chef and Alejandro already arrived, along with two interns wrestling an emu (presumably Alejandro's) away from the scene.

"Good, another contestant," Chris said, standing up as she arrived. "Maybe we can finally get a move on with this competition already!"

"Gee, sorry if that fifty-mile hike through the _burning Australian Outback_ didn't go quickly enough for you," she snapped, stretching as she dismounted her emu and the interns came to take it away.

A moment later Heather ran up. "I hate you so much right now!" she growled, passing Chris.

"Ah, I knew the view would be _beautiful,_" Alejandro sighed, reaching out to help Heather dismount.

"Oh, go jump in a lake," Heather snapped, ignoring his hand as she climbed down. She seemed to notice Courtney for the first time, spinning around to face her. "And you! Where did _you_ run off to, huh?"

"What? ! Um—well, _here,_ obviously," Courtney said, looking away. "I tried to wake you when I left, but _you_ wouldn't budge."

"Huh! And you expect me to believe that?"

"Well, why would I lie? Maybe I just didn't want _you_ slowing_ me _down."

Heather opened her mouth to retort, then closed it, glaring suspiciously before storming off.

* * *

**Courtney:** Well, the good news is, Heather can't accuse me of anything if I got here first, and with Cody out, she's the best chance I have of getting rid of Gwen. The bad news is, coming in first for our team _really_ runs counter-intuitive to my whole long-term plan here. _Grr!_

* * *

The next animal to arrive wasn't an emu, but a kangaroo. She hopped up, reached into her pouch, and suddenly threw out a beat-up, disheveled teenager covered in mucus. Duncan moaned as the kangaroo began to hop away, forcing himself to his feet.

"_Ugh, _sick! You get back here, one more round! I didn't hear no bell!"

_POW!_

The kangaroo, insulted by his posturing and/or use of a double negative, jumped back and punched Duncan in the face again, making him stagger back a step as it hopped away once more. Courtney and Cody both burst out laughing—and then turned away from each other when they noticed, looking respectively annoyed and sheepish.

Duncan slipped in the puddle of slime the kangaroo had left, trying unsuccessfully to climb to his feet again. At that moment Gwen arrived, hopping down from her emu to help him up.

"What _happened_ to you?" she asked, her voice so full of concern that it made Cody wince.

"Nothing I will ever _admit_ to."

Sierra arrived next, grumbling as her emu continued to peck wildly at her head. Chris grinned, motioning for the camera. "And Team Amazon takes the lead!" he announced.

Courtney groaned loudly. Alejandro did too, blocking the sun from his eyes as he searched the horizon for Owen.

"_Bah!_ Where is that butter-donkey? !"

Duncan quirked an eyebrow as he imitated him. "'Butter-donkey?'"

"Don't even think of going back for Owen this time," Chris said mockingly. "You'll just have to sit tight and wait for him to arrive. Team Amazon, get ready to buckle up and take a long walk off a short cliff. What exactly are they jumping into? _Find out when we boomerang back_ on _Total Drama World Tour!_"

He posed dramatically for the cameras, paused for a second, then unfroze, motioning to the contestants. "Okay, everyone, gather into your respective teams so we can start..."

* * *

**[1]** Yup, pretty much every female character's strategy in this challenge involves making some sort of point to a guy. They're such strong, independent women this season, aren't they?

**[2] **Emus sleep in shifts of about 90-120 minutes at a time, waking up periodically throughout the night. Yes, I looked this up, just like I looked up the Aborigine tribes and traditions touched on earlier in the chapter. Contrast this to how much effort I put into my actual homework assignments.


	7. Picnic at Hanging Dork, Part 3

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the very long wait! I was stuck on this chapter, and when I finally forced myself to return to it I had to sort of make things up as I wrote. Hopefully it's still enjoyable.

* * *

**"Picnic at Hanging Dork," Part 3**

"Okay, teams! Get ready to look death in the face and live to tell the tale! Or not. You know, I'm easy."

The Amazons exchanged wary glances. Chris motioned to the cliff. "The challenge—Part 2. Teams must take turns bungee-jumping off Hanging Rock and plummeting to the bottom far, far..._fa-a-ar_ below to try to grab one of Australia's finest sheep."

The contestants looked over the side of the cliff, blanching—the cliff was nearly 350 feet high, the sheep pen barely visible beneath them. Sierra was so scared that she quickly reached out and grabbed Cody, hugging him tight for protection. Cody quickly forgot what it was that had been scaring him before.

"Three of those sheep have Team Chris is Super Hot logos tattooed on their side. Another three have Team Amazon logos under their wool, not too far from their lethal jaws."

"Did he say _lethal? !_" Granted, "lethal sheep" sounded like a ridiculous concept, but experience gave Cody no reason to believe that Chris _wouldn't_ have given them steel dentures and injected them with rabies just to make the challenge a little more interesting.

"First team to catch and shear one of their own sheep wins first-class tickets to Nextville. And the losers head to Elimination Town." He grinned, motioning to the teams. "As the last to arrive, Team Me-Me-Me gets a pair of gardening shears."

Alejandro took his prize from Chef, eying it skeptically; the shears were small, which would probably help them work without cutting off the animal's head, but they were also so rusty and old that Alejandro silently wondered whether it would be easier just to pull off the wool by hand.

"And, as the first team to arrive, Team Amazon gets this advantage: _battery-operated sheep shears._"

Chef held up what looked like an electric razor, which buzzed to life with the press of a button. Four of the Amazons automatically grinned and called out in excitement; Courtney narrowed her eyes and growled.

* * *

**Courtney:** How am I supposed to accidentally-on-purpose lose like _this? !_

* * *

As Alejandro and Duncan stared desperately out at the horizon for some sign of Owen, Chris turned to their opponents. "Time's a-wasting! Team Amazon—you're up!"

_Well, better do the worst I can with a good situation,_ Courtney thought wryly. "I'll go first."

"Hmph." Heather scoffed, but didn't press the issue as Chef showed Courtney how to hook herself to the bungee cable. "Here goes," she said, taking a nervous breath before jumping off the cliff. What followed was a very long scream that made most of her teammates wince.

"_Aaaaaggggghhhhh!_"

Even though the fall seemed to go on forever, the ground was rushing up at Courtney at an amazing speed. She barely had time to register the sheep when she was near enough to grab one—fortunately she didn't even need to _purposely_ drop it, because her fingers had only managed to snatch at the wool when gravity suddenly reversed itself and she was flying upwards, the fluffy beast slipping out of her grasp. She screamed again as she ascended, landing back on the cliff with a painful crash on her backside.

The other Amazons winced again. Courtney herself was momentarily stunned whimpering on the ground, her hair and clothes disheveled. She quickly snapped out of it enough to glare at Chris and Chef.

"That is so _WRONG!_" The sadistic pair only chuckled and gave each other a high-five.

"You got this, Gwen!" Duncan called as she hooked up the bungee cord, earning glares from both Cody and Courtney.

Gwen covered her face as she stepped off the ledge, only screaming when she peeked halfway down. A second later she snapped back up, clutching something tightly to her body. Cody and Heather grinned excitedly—before discovering that she had accidentally grabbed a _cactus_ growing in the sheep's pen. She screamed, throwing it away as Courtney snickered under her breath.

"_Are you kidding me? !_" Gwen screamed, trying to pluck needles from out of her clothes.

"Good try," Duncan called nervously. Cody shot him a look as if it were his fault before bending down to help Gwen.

* * *

**Courtney:** (_laughs, wipes tear from eye_) Okay...sometimes karma just gives you a freebie!

* * *

**Chris:** Notice that that specimen was actually an immature _saguaro _cactus, which does not, in fact, grow in the Australian Outback. (_chuckles, grins_) We imported it _special._

* * *

"Cody, you're up," Heather snapped, casting a nervous look over at Duncan and Alejandro.

Gwen winced as Cody plucked a needle out of her shoulder. "Okay, just a sec. There are only a few more—"

"No,_ not_ a sec! Owen could be back any minute! _Move it!_"

Gwen sighed. "Don't worry, Cody, I've got this."

Cody shot Heather a look. "Okay..."

"_You can do it, Cody!_" Sierra screamed as Cody attached the bungee chord. He had already determined not to look over the side—without giving himself a moment to think and get freaked out he jumped straight over the edge, arms out to his side as if he were jumping from a diving board.

"_Aaaaaggggghhhhh!_"

He held out his arms and, by a wonderful coincidence, they landed right on the woolly back of a sheep, which he grabbed onto with all his might. It stayed in his hands as he flew back up, letting out a "_WHOO-HOO!_" before he crashed back onto the cliff, his fluffy prey cushioning his fall.

Cody gasped for air, feeling his heart pound and adrenaline race through his veins. "The Code-man delivers!" he crowed, punching the air with both fists. "You can call me The Wool! _Agh!_" He scooting back quickly as the sheep tried to bite him.

"_Quick!_ Start shearing!" Heather called, activating the razor as the Amazons all clustered around the sheep. But, before she could actually start—

_DING-DING!_

"_Ohhh..._"

Chris shrugged mischievously. "How 'bout a song to make things go faster? _Hit it!_"

A guitar riff began to play out of nowhere—several contestants glanced over at the interns, but they were looking around with as much confusion as anyone else. Heather was the only one who didn't seem to care—ignoring the mysterious sound, she dove at the sheep and began to cut through its thick, clampy wool as fast as she could manage.

_**"Shearing sheep, don't be a creep**_  
_**It's the only way we'll fly first peeps—**_  
_**Win the game, don't be so lame**_  
_**Try to lose this and your face I'll maim!"**_

The other Amazons looked started as she turned to give Courtney an angry poke in the shoulder. Courtney sputtered indignantly for a moment, then turned up her nose, deciding to ignore the accusation for now.

**_"Shear the sheep, then, with a smile_**  
**_Make yourself a giant, woolly-woolly-woolly pile—"_**

"_Ugh!_"

Duncan turned away from the Amazons to glance at Alejandro, who was ignoring the song as he shielded his face from the sun and glared off onto the horizon. "That _pendejo_, _guatón, retrasado..._"

**"**_**We are shearing sheep,  
We are shearing sheep,  
We are shearing—YEEEAAAH!"**_

The guitar music went on for another ten seconds, then ended. And, as if on cue, that's when Heather withdrew the razor with a look of horror on her face. "_UGH!_ No logo!"

Cody groaned. Heather quickly turned to Sierra, pointing to the cliff. "Okay, quick! Get yourself harnessed and—"

"Uh-uh!" Chris said, striding into the middle of their group. "Not until you kiddies finish with the song!"

"But the music_—_"

"What, you thought a video of _sheep shearing_ was going to be enough for that number? We need something cooler to splice in with this one! Now get down to the base of the cliff, we've got an impromptu stage set up, and some instruments..."

The Amazons all groaned. "_Ugh..._"

"I hate when he makes us do this..."

"Hey! Our interns worked very hard to set that stage up, _one of them_ while suffering from sunstroke! I'd hope that you all would be more appreciative. And besides, you all got a nice break last challenge when we threw together some Flash animation. Now come on, get moving..."

* * *

Music played down at the base of the cliff while Team Chris was left waiting at the top. Alejandro growled, eyes flickering to the desert every few seconds. Production was on break for a moment; Mr. Waldoon, the park ranger, and Billy the intern were putting the sheared sheep into a cage while the other interns, Willy and Nelson, were filming down below.

"You're not holding up your end of the plan," Alejandro said testily, eyes flickering over to Duncan. "_You're_ not flirting and _Courtney_ isn't ruining."

"Oh, like you've done such a great job with Heather. She seems _real_ unfocused."

Alejandro's eyes narrowed a bit, but he let the comment go. "Just step up the seduction, would you? We're at a severe disadvantage until Owen gets back, and Courtney's anger is the Amazons' greatest weak point."

Duncan rolled his eyes as he heard the Amazons' music cut off in the distance. A moment later the team came staggering back up the cliff, with Chris following cheerfully behind in a golf cart driven by Nelson.

"_EEEEE!_ That was fun, wasn't it?"

"Try annoying."

"Remind me never to take off my shirt around Sierra again..."

"Okay, that was great work, Amazons!" Chris said, stepping out of the golf cart with his eyes glued to a PDA. "Excellent footage we got here! _Ooh,_ nice ass-shot of Courtney..."

"What? !"

"Nothing!"

"_Hey!_ Wait up!" a gasping voice called from behind them.

Everyone turned as Owen appeared behind the Amazons, gasping for air as his two emus strained under his massive bulk. Finally their legs gave out and they collapsed, depositing Owen at Chris' feet; the large teen let out a cry and then looked up, grinning stupidly.

"Oh—good! Everyone else is just getting here...I thought I was late."

Alejandro ground his teeth. Heather quickly turned to the rest of her team.

"We just lost our advantage!" she hissed. "Quick—we need another diver before they have a chance."

"I'll go!" Cody volunteered. "I got one last time—"

"No, no, me, me!" Sierra raised her hand and jumping up and down, eager for a chance to impress him.

"Alright, fine," Heather said. "Just hur—"

"_This one's for Cody!_"

She immediately ran off and dove off of the cliff. The others stared after her. Then, Cody bent down and picked up the harness lying next to his foot.

"Um..."

"_Aaaaaggggghhhhh!_"

**_CRASH!_**

The Amazons all rushed to the cliff, staring down at shock at the perfect Sierra-shaped hole in the ground below them. Chris sauntered over to join them, giving the scene a look of polite interest.

"_MEDIC!_" he called.

* * *

After Sierra was taken to the infirmary, Owen was the first to go for Team Chris. He actually did surprisingly well—no scream, no broken bungee chord (to Alejandro's relief _and_ disappointment), and he came back actually holding something from the sheep pen. Just not something that belonged there.

"Hey, check it out, I caught one that's already sheared! _Whoo,_ ha-ha-ha!"

Alejandro gave Duncan a look, trying hard not to chuckle. "Uh, how long before he realizes it's a dingo?"

"Three, two..."

"_Grrr..._"

"_AGH!_"

Owen's suffering (and his teammates' laughter) went on for about thirty seconds before it attracted the attention of the interns, who ran up to help. Nelson got a black eye and Billy received a lot of bites and scratches, but eventually they were able to pry the beast from Owen and stuff it into one of the spare cages. The beast was put off to the side with the sheared sheep, which it eyed hungrily through the bars of its prison.

Owen staggered to his feet, holding his head and wincing at his various bites and bruises. "Hey...why didn't you guys help me?" Duncan and Alejandro were laughing too hard to answer.

Courtney went next for the Amazons; she failed to catch anything (on purpose, this time), but though Heather glared it wasn't suspicious enough to accuse her of anything. However, she let out a growl when Duncan came up with a sheep, and as Team Chris went to work she dove herself, coming up with one of her own. Alejandro noticed this and elbowed Duncan; he nodded, leaving his teammates to deal with the shearing as he casually made his way over to Gwen.

Gwen moved forward to help Cody and Heather shear, but before they could Duncan caught her by the elbow and held her back. Courtney was standing nearby, looking bitter. The pipsqueak was just a few feet away too. _Perfect,_ he thought.

"Hey, babe!"

"Oh! Duncan. Hey." Gwen quickly glanced at her other teammates; Courtney's eyes had widened, then narrowed into deadly slits. To Duncan's delight, of course.

"Finally managed to catch one, I see," he said, turning back to Gwen quirking his unibrow.

Gwen pulled her arm away, turning back to her teammates. "Um, actually, Heather caught it."

Duncan only grinned in response, crossing his arms and with a slouching, faux-casual pose; Heather couldn't account for Gwen or Courtney's tastes, but to her it looked ridiculous. Cody had also paused in his work, hand tightening around the buzzing, motionless razor. Their distraction gave the sheep a chance to crane its neck and bite at Heather's top—she let out a cry and jumped back, then growled, glaring up at the other girls.

"We could use a little _help_ over here!"

Courtney blinked, then turned to go assist her team, casting another dark look over at Gwen. She tried to break away too, but Duncan grabbed her by the elbow. "Where ya going, Pasty?"

She gave him a look. "My team needs my help."

"What, they only need one person to hold the razor, right?"

Courtney was glaring over at them as she held the sheep down (but not too tightly—it wouldn't be a bad thing if it got away), sparing a quick look at Cody's handiwork. "You're not shearing right."

"Huh? What do you mean, 'not right?'"

"I mean you have to dig _into_ the wool for the root, not—_ugh,_ stop that! Have you ever even _used_ a razor before?"

"Sure I have!" Cody snapped, before turning away to rub his chin self-consciously.

A few feet away, Duncan was giving Gwen his most suave, debonair grin. To his surprise, however, she only snatched her arm back and gave him a suspicious glare.

"You're trying to distract me from helping my team, aren't you?"

"What? No!" Well, okay, he _kind of_ was, but honestly that red tint coming over Courtney's face was his main objective.

"Yes you are! Jeez, yesterday you were trying to _help_ me and now you're trying to—" She took a deep breath, then lowered her voice. "Look, I thought you already understood this, but just to be clear: I want our relationship" (Team Amazon's sheep suddenly let out a cry as Courtney's fingers dug painfully into its wool) "and this contest to be _separate._ I had enough trouble with Trent last season and _believe me,_" she dropped her voice even further, "things with my team are difficult enough as it _is_ because of us."

She spared a look over at Courtney, biting her lip. Courtney was looking pointedly away, though, glaring down at the ground with an ugly sneer on her lip.

Duncan had to struggle for a minute to come up with an appropriate response. "It's just—I've missed you, babe," he whispered, and before even really thinking about it he had suddenly reached out and swept Gwen into his arms, drawing her close. She gave a small gasp, feeling her heart suddenly race. Courtney gave a much larger gasp and instantly everyone was staring at the two. Heather's face instantly hardened, Cody looked horrified, but it was Courtney who Duncan was mostly staring at over Gwen's shoulder—she looked almost apoplectic with rage. The only one on the cliff not watching the scene was Billy, who was currently wondering if the hungry dingo's cage was a bit too close to the sheep.

Smirking, Duncan drew Gwen toward him, puckering up for a kiss which she was too stunned to resist—

**_"GAAAUUUHHH!"_**

Later on, Courtney would not be able to say for sure whether or not she had been thinking consciously at that moment or just acting purely on instinct. Either way she suddenly dove at Cody and snatched the razor from his hand, then threw it at the couple with all of her might.

"_Agh!_"

Gwen heard the razor coming and ducked; Duncan tried to too, but the shears flew grazed his hair as it flew by, slicing off the top half-inch of his mohawk. It kept flying toward Owen and Alejandro; the latter ducked out of the way while Owen let out a cry and stumbled backwards as it hit him...right into Billy the intern, who had been huffing along as he carried the dingo's cage to a safer location.

"_Whoa!_"

Billy fell and the cage went flying, falling right onto his chest ("_OOF!_") and bouncing off to crash into the ground. The lock broke open and the dingo—confused, rattled, angry and hungry—leapt out, running around the production area and letting out cries halfway between a bark and a howl.

"_Agh!_"

"_Out of the way, out of the way!_"

"_EEEEE!_"

Chris jumped up into Chef's arms as Owen wrestled with the razor and Gwen instinctively grabbed onto Duncan in fear. Heather and Courtney dove in opposite directions as the dingo ran at their team, while Cody only managed to jump up and stagger backwards. The sheep they had been shearing bleated in terror as it tried to climb onto its hooves. The dingo leapt—it was unclear if it was aiming for the animal or the boy, but Cody was the one it hit. He let out a scream as the dingo slammed into him, sending him stumbling right to the edge of the cliff. He stumbled over the bungee chord, which twisted around his leg as he tried to wrestle the dingo off—he let out a cry and slipped, windmilled his arms and then went flying, the dingo still clinging to his sweater and savaging him with its teeth.

"_WHOOOA! WHOOOA!_"

"_RUFF! RUFF!_"

"_CODY!_"

Chris climbed down from Chef's arms, quickly straightening out his shirt and smiling at the nearest camera. "And the Amazons are experiencing a slight delay," he said simply. However Nelson, the cameraman, was paying much more attention to the commotion than to anything the host was saying.

To Duncan's surprise Gwen broke away from him, running back to where Heather was trying to hoist Cody up by the chord. Owen, forgetting team loyalties, ran to the edge of the cliff to help the two girls—Alejandro, meanwhile, was ignoring everything now, snipping at his team's sheep as quickly as possible. One last tuft of wool at the belly, and—

"Victory at last! Behold!" he cried, grabbing the surprised lamb and holding it above his head.

"Team I'm Totally Smokin' Hot _wins!_"

"_WHAT? !_"

Heather let go of the bungee chord (the others gasped slightly while Cody kept screaming below) and rounded on Courtney, who held up her hands in surprise. "This is all _YOUR_ fault!"

"What? ! _Me? ! Gwen_ was the one—"

"_FORGET IT!_ You are _so_ taking the drop tonight!"

Courtney sputtered indignantly; even as she struggled to hoist her friend up, Gwen couldn't help but give a soft "_Yes!_" under her breath. As Heather stormed off, Courtney shot a look at Duncan. His grin went from ear to ear.

* * *

**Duncan: **_Ah,_ I love the smell of burnt ex in the morning. ...Or afternoon. Whatever.

* * *

"Nurse Hatchet? Is it possible for Cody and me to—hee-hee—_share_ a bed?"

"_Quiet, _Crazy Girl!" Chef snapped, applying iodine to the last of Cody's scratches.

"_Ghleebleh,_" Cody responded, head sinking back into the medical cot.

Gwen bit her lip, turning back to Chef. "You sure he's gonna be okay?"

"Should be fine in a couple 'a hours," he said dismissively, packing up his medical equipment. "He's just in La-La Land. Gave him one of the strongest painkillers you can get outside of a hospital."

"It worked wonders for me! _Ow._" Sierra had tried to motion with her hands, but couldn't with one arm still in a sling. "Heh, it's mostly worn off, though. Anyway, I think Cody needs his bed-rest. Visitors should _leave now._" She shot Gwen a venomous look.

"No, _you_ need to leave now. Ain't nothin' more I can do for that sprained elbow. Come on, get," Chef said, pointing to the door with his thumb.

"But—"

"_Now!_"

Sierra pouted, but reluctantly slid off of her cot and slumped out of the room. "Can I stay?" Gwen asked meekly.

Chef scoffed. "Fine. For a minute. As long as _you_ don't go tryin' to lick his face or somethin' while he's sleepin'. Crazy children..." He walked out of the room, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

Cody smiled up at Gwen and gave a long, gurgling noise. Gwen shook his shoulder. "Cody. Cody, listen to me, alright?"

He giggled. "Sure thing, Mommy."

"...What? Cody, look—I'm sorry you got hurt today. Especially since it was _kind of_ my fault," she added, giving a guilty, sideways look. "But anyway—I still need your help, okay? I know that Heather wants Courtney off, but we still need your vote or it's a tie between me and her."

"Orange juice?"

"_Ugh—_okay, Cody, listen! When you vote in a little bit, I need you to vote for _Courtney._ Got it?"

"Got it," Cody said, head bobbing. "Vote for Cody."

"Right!" Gwen smiled, then blinked. "No—_you're_ Cody! Vote for _Courtney!_"

Cody just started giggling, head falling to his chest. Gwen facepalmed and groaned.

* * *

Cody was the last to stagger out of the confessional at voting time, practically tripping over his feet as he came. He also had several stamp marks on his cheek. Gwen didn't take that as a good sign.

He was feeling a little better by the elimination ceremony, however—a bit fuzzy, but lucid enough to speak in coherent sentences, at least. He sat next to Gwen, with Sierra scooting over to invade the opposite seat. On a lower row of the bleachers Courtney and Heather each sat away from each other, the latter looking nervous, the former shooting her venomous looks every few seconds.

Meanwhile, Duncan had slunk unnoticed into the drop zone, casually leaning against the same tiki statue that Gwen had used the previous challenge. His arms were crossed, a smirk set on his face. "Time to see Princess take the plunge," he murmured, his teal eyes twinkling with excitement.

"It's been a tough day for many of you, but one of you is about to have the worst day of all," Chris said. "Sierra," he said, motioning to her, "last to arrive, first to get injured." She looked away in embarrassment. "Courtney—wound up eliminating your own team due to a petty feud." Her eyes shot daggers in response. "Cody—went spinning off a cliff all the way here." He just blinked blearily. "Heather—not your most focused performance." She looked away disdainfully. "And Gwen—_Duncan? Really?_"

She gave Chris a deadpan glare, while Duncan rolled his eyes. "He's not wrong," Cody muttered, too low and slurred for anyone else to hear.

Chef opened the hangar door; Chris took out the passports, laying them out on the podium before him. "Okay—one vote for Courtney...one for Gwen."

Both girls took a deep breath, Courtney digging her fingers into her seat.

"A _second_ for Courtney...a _second_ for Gwen."

Both girls leaned forward; Duncan quirked his pierced eyebrow, grin growing wide across his face once again.

"And the last vote is _fooooor.._." Chris paused, relishing the tension on everyone's faces. "_...Sierra!_ It's a tie!"

"_Nooo!_" all the Amazons called, as Duncan's face fell into a look of confusion.

"It was an accident, Gwen! I swear!" Cody cried, trying to rub the last vestiges of confusion from his eyes. Beside him, Sierra had begun sobbing loudly.

Chris rolled his eyes. "My favorite cop show is on via satellite in ten, _SO_ let's make this tie-breaker snappy! _Chef!_"

Chef had brought out a large, rectangular something covered by a white sheet. Whipping it off, he revealed two cages, each containing one furry, adorable animal.

"You each have to feed a hungry baby koala bear!" Chris gave a broad grin, then frowned. "Wait...is that really the best tie-breaker we could come up with? What happened to the kick-boxing kangaroo? !"

"Hey, I told you—_you_ want a kangaroo, _you_ wrestle it onto the plane!"

"Where did you get those anyway? Aren't there _laws_ about just transferring random wild animals out of their native country?"

"Shut up, Heather." Chris sighed, waving his hands. "Let's just get this over with."

"No problem," Courtney said confidently, strutting across the room without sparing Gwen a look. "If a can feed my brother's colicky twins, then I can sure feed a hungry teddy bear."

"Sure. But unlike _human_ babies, koalas eat 2.5 pounds of eucalyptus leaves _a day._ And these guys haven't eaten in a _week,_ so they're nice and peckish."

"Aren't there laws about TV studios _starving_ animals that—"

"_Shut up, Heather._"

"But I'm allergic to eucalyptus!" Gwen cried.

Cody sputtered. "_What? !_"

Chris smiled. "_Rough._ And _certainly_ not something that I would use purposely use to make this challenge more interesting."

"But you're not allowed to do that!" Cody objected, jumping to his feet.

"Yeah!" Gwen said, rounding on Chris. "You gave Cody an EpiPen in Peru, you're not allowed to just—take advantage of medical conditions like that!"

"Correction—I'm not allowed to take advantage of _life-threatening _medical conditions. I mean, have you ever _read _your contracts? I can pretty much to anything as long as I don't kill you. Oh, and by the by—you have to do this_ without your hands!_"

Chef tossed a small platter of leaves to each of the two girls; both caught them, but Gwen immediately reeled back. "Oh no—_ACHOO!_"

Courtney took a step away from her, but her smile only widened. Cody and Duncan faces had each twisted into a look of horror.

"First bowl empty wins! _Aaaaand_—go!"

Courtney transferred her platter to her mouth, gritting her teeth hard to hold it straight. She got down on her hands and knees—carefully, carefully, victory was too close to get sloppy now!—and crawled toward the first cage, where the koala grinned broadly at the sight of its long-awaited meal.

Gwen copied Courtney, but gave another loud sneeze that wound up spilling the leaves all over the second koala's cage. The allergy had taken effect fast—her eyes were both red and puffy now, and parts of her face were starting to swell.

Courtney's koala veritably attacked her, but though she cried out and retreated, the little animal quickly pounced on the leaves and began to devour them like Owen in a pie-eating contest. By the time Gwen's koala had managed to grab half of its meal off the floor, Courtney's was already burping and kicking its empty bowl.

"_Yes!_ I win!"

"_No!_" Cody cried, as Sierra grinned triumphantly beside him.

Chris had already pulled a parachute out from behind his podium. "Gwen! Eleven o'clock. Exit's right behind you," he said, tossing it to her.

Gwen caught the parachute, then slumped her shoulders—she felt horrible, and not just from the swollen, teary eyes that came from her allergic reaction. She glanced over at Courtney, wanting to say something—she didn't know what, but whatever it was, it was instantly cowed by the look of hard, merciless triumph on her former friend's face.

She looked away and slid on her parachute, turning toward the open hatch—

"_No!_"

Cody suddenly jumped up and ran over to her—or tried, except that he stumbled on the first step and fell face-first onto the bleachers. Gwen heard the noise and turned—but then slipped, letting out a "_WHOOOOOAAAAA!_" as she was sucked out of the airplane and plummeted down to the ground.

Courtney put her hand to her ear to listen, a wide, manic grin on her face. "_YES!_" she said, punching the air. "_Ha!_"

Over by the tiki head Duncan scowled, then spun on his heel and marched out of the hangar before anyone could see him. Over on the bleachers, Cody put his head in his hands and moaned.

Chris turned toward the camera. "If you think _that_ was fun, you're gonna _love_ what I do to these guys NEXT time, right here on _TOTAL—DRAMA—WOOORLD TOOOUUUR!_"

* * *

After about a minute of desperate struggling Gwen managed to get her parachute to open, which was honestly sort of surprising, given that it came from Chris. But once the terrifying plummeting ended, she had nothing to do but think as she slowly drifted down hundreds of feet to the ground below.

Another lost season. Another lost chance for a million dollars. She rubbed her swollen eyes and sighed. Oh, well. At least she wouldn't have to put up with that stupid game anymore. And it wasn't like she hadn't been expecting this anyway, on a team where everybody hated her—well, everybody but Cody, at least. This wasn't the way she wanted to go, though. Just like last season—kicked off in disgrace.

She thought back to Cody, tripping over himself to try to get to her. She sighed again—a loyal friend, but she still didn't know what she was going to do about that crush of his. She was going to miss him. She was going to miss Duncan. And she was going to miss...well, that was it, she guessed. They were the only two people left on the show who liked her. She had no idea how she kept racking up potential boyfriends, but other than them she didn't seem to have very many friends this season.

Well, except Courtney. But she'd screwed that one up, hadn't she?

About halfway to the ground Gwen thought about Courtney, and saw that cold, angry look of triumph on her face. She sort of wanted to hate Courtney right now...but honestly, she couldn't quite do it. Not without feeling like a jerk and a hypocrite, at least. And hell, Gwen realized, she was going to miss Courtney too. Or rather, she already _had_ been missing her since back in Greece.

Replaying that last moment on the plane, suddenly it dawned on Gwen exactly what she should have said. It was so obvious, but fear and guilt and confusion had somehow kept the words from coming every chance she had had to use them.

Gwen looked down at the ground, closing her swollen eyes as she continued to fall to earth. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

* * *

"But...buh..._no..._"

Cody's face was contorted into an odd look, his forehead wrinkled, eyes dropping, mouth hanging open slightly. His eyes were glassy, unfocused. He was sitting on the wooden bench of loser class completely alone, despite Heather and Sierra sitting on either side of him.

"But_ yes,_" Courtney said smugly, stretching out her legs on the seat opposite of them and grinning triumphantly. "That little _traitor_ is finally gone. _Good riddance._"

Sierra nodded emphatically, then frowned when she noticed Cody's face. It was hard to tell if he even heard anyone else talking; his mouth just kept trembling wordlessly, as if he was trying to speak but couldn't quite come up with anything to say. She gave his shoulder a little shake. "Um...Cody, honey? You okay?"

He made a vague, non-committal noise.

Courtney glanced up. "What's wrong with _him?_"

"I dunno. You don't think that bump to the head did anything _too_ bad to him, do you?"

"He's probably just suffering from Loser Withdrawl Syndrome," Heather snapped, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes. "He'll be fine once he gets all the Goth out of his system."

"She better not have gotten anything _in_ his system," Sierra muttered. Then, sweetly, "Come here, my little Codykins—I'll snuggle up with you and make you feel better!"

"I—no," Cody muttered, but gave no active resistance as Sierra drew him in. Courtney gave another askance look, then turned away. Hmm. She wondered vaguely what he was going to do about Gwen's elimination—without Gwen around to goad him, would he be a neutral player or target her out of spite? It was hard to say, but it didn't matter now—her mission was complete, and tomorrow's issues would come tomorrow, she decided.

And she already had plans for that. Now that Gwen was out of the way, Courtney was going to move on to her next objective.

It was time for her and Duncan to have a little talk.

* * *

Back at Hanging Rock, Johnny Waldoon sat at his dad's computer, searching through all the footage from the security cameras. Casting a quick glance over his shoulder, he quickly transferred the day's files to the Internet, then headed over to the first _Total Drama_ blog that an Oodles search brought up.

He smirked. _Hey, _he typed,_ anybody want spoilers?_

* * *

**A/N:** Ha, a joke about how Australia posted the episodes to Youtube before anybody else did. That is so clever and funny, I in no way regret bothering to set that up in the last chapter.

I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter...Cody and Courtney don't even really interact, and overall this whole episode is sort of hard to adapt for my purposes. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. "Sweden Sour" is up next; not sure when, because I want to get all three chapters written before I start posting them (for pacing reasons). I'll try to make it soon.

In other news, because of my long delay, this story's doppelganger, "Candy for Your Thoughts," has already concluded. If you haven't read that, I recommend you do; same basic plot as this story, but fortunately Strix Moonwing and I take it in different directions. (She, for example, actually _works_ on the songs.)


	8. Sweden Sour, Part 1

**Author's Notes:** So it's been about a year since I updated. Uh, sorry. ^^; I've procrastinated a lot because a.) this whole challenge is paced differently from the others and b.) we're coming up on important stuff that I need to get just right. But at this point it might just be better if I get it out at all, eh?

* * *

**"Sweden Sour," Part 1**

_It had always been like a dream. _

_The good kind of dream, that is. The far-off happy kind, the sort of thing your mind wandered to when you were staring out the window or doing your chores. Fame. Fortune. Friendship. The kind of dream where things could only go right, where the basic little problems of the real life were decidedly absent._

_Dreams are really just nightmares with the little problems taken out._

_But nightmares were still dreams, too. And that's how it felt now, being here: horrible yet dreamlike, where you wander around doing things that make no sense except they make perfect sense to you because you're not thinking straight, except there's a little part of you that is and it doesn't know what's going on or how to deal with everything. You know it's a dream but you don't, so you keep doing it. And then it becomes a nightmare and you wake up in a cold sweat, heart hammering until you realize that you're safe in your bed and everything's fine._

_Unless the nightmare-dream is real, and you're thousands of miles away from your bed with no way to ever wake up again. _

_"Will you stop talkin' 'bout that stupid show already? You're gonna drive yourself crazy if you don't come back to reality." _

_Hmm. _

_Maybe Dad knew what he was talking about, after all._

* * *

Courtney's happiness about Gwen's vote-off had dissipated by the next morning, to be replaced by worry as she planned her next move.

Heather was in a decidedly foul mood, and accident or not, she and Courtney were enemies now. Sierra was still fretting over Cody, and Cody was just moping. He never really interacted with the rest of the team and maintained a flat, hangdog expression on his face. He sighed for what must have been the eighth time that morning.

"Cody?" Sierra had been playing with one of the rats, basking in Gwen's elimination, but every peep out of Cody sent her back into mother-hen mode. "You okay?"

His eye twitched. Courtney looked away, then turned again to avoid Heather's accusing stare. Her brow furrowed.

* * *

**Courtney:** (_annoyed_) Well, I finally got rid of Gwen, but the costs are higher than I thought they would be. There's no point in even trying to buddy up with Heather anymore, and flirting with Cody turned out to be as _pointless_ as it was _annoying_. Sierra might still back me against Heather, but I can't be sure that Cody won't try to bring her over to his side instead. _Ugh._ (_rubs temples_) I hate my team.

* * *

Well, there was some consolation, Courtney thought—with only seven players left Chris was bound to dissolve the teams soon, maybe even this very challenge. That could potentially give her more allies in the form of Alejandro and Owen…even though it would also force her to bring Duncan into the equation.

Courtney took a deep breath and set her jaw. She had every intention of confronting _that _issue as soon as possible.

Courtney's brooding was interrupted as the door to Loser Class opened and a familiar smirking face poked in.

"Hello, lovely ladies," Alejandro said brightly as he slid into the room. "Just thought I'd stop in and say good morning."

Cody gave a slight twitch. Heather's glare quickly switched targets. "Enjoying first class?" she growled.

"It's quite wonderful, excepting the lack of two comely contestants such as you." Courtney was surprised as Alejandro suddenly leaned down to her, flashing her a crooked smile. "And what about you, Courtney? I hope these meager accommodations are not too disheartening for you?"

Courtney scoffed. "I wish I was up there. The air back here is so—stale and annoying. Not to mention the benches are like rocks, the lights are all broken, the—"

"Perhaps I can make your journey a little sweeter," Alejandro interrupted. "Wait here."

He disappeared back into first class for a moment, then returned carrying a plate of huge, steaming chocolate chip cookies. He held it out to Courtney. She blinked, her expression brightening slightly.

"My mother always said the way to a woman's heart is a long road. But shortcuts are made of chocolate!" He smiled at her, then offered the tray to Sierra and Cody. "Oh, would either of you care for one?" It sounded like an afterthought.

Sierra smiled as she took a cookie, but Cody did not even seem to notice Alejandro's presence. Sierra frowned, taking a second cookie and trying to coax Cody into taking it. Alejandro ignored them and smirked, offering the plate to Heather.

She glared up at Alejandro for a moment, then pushed the plate into his chest before turning her face away.

* * *

**Alejandro:** Courtney would normally be a much greater challenge. But being dumped by Duncan has completely thrown her. Now I need only give her a cookie to secure her trust. This is what I will do with that trust.

(_crushes a cookie in one hand and lets it crumble to the floor_)

* * *

**Heather:** _UGH!_ Back in Loser Class _again_ thanks to Courtney! She should be _home_ right now, not flirting with Alejandro. She's just trying to mess with me, and _him,_ fawning all over—_ugh!_ Courtney.

…And what are all these crumbs doing everywhere? Has somebody been eating in the _bathroom? GUH-ROSS!_

* * *

CRASH!

"What the—_whoa!_"

"_Hey!_"

The Total Drama Jumbo Jet had just arrived at its destination, if one took "arrived" to mean "crash-landed on a field of ice and spun out of control for the next thirty seconds." The contestants were thrown, tossed and battered, with the occupants of Loser Class ending up in a heap.

"_Ugh…ay caramba,_ I hate when that happens."

"Here, Cody, let me help you up…"

Sierra managed to untangle herself and lifted Cody out of the pile. He sighed wearily as she put him on his feet; Courtney glared up from the floor. His constant moping was really starting to get to her.

The intercom crackled to life before anyone else could rise. "_Attention,_ _passengers! Please report to the common area and prepare for departure. We're in for a_ cool _competition today, ha-ha-ha!_"

Courtney groaned as she struggled to her feet. "Great; super-villain puns. Why do I get the feeling that means something really, really bad?"

* * *

"It a-a-alw-ways m-means s-something r-really r-really b-b-bad!"

The contestants stood together in a mixed group on top of a frozen lake, hugging themselves and shivering in their woefully inadequate clothing. Chris strode forward, grinning out from the hood of a fur-lined white coat.

"_Vrelcome to Shveden!_"

"Where are those jackets you ordered for us in the Yukon?" Heather demanded as she felt frost developing over her eyeballs.

Chris frowned. "Um…I worked pretty hard on that accent. It would have been nice if somebody had commented."

"Dude, it's _freezing_ out here!"

"_Sweden! Hello?_" He sighed, muttering "_Ingrates_" as he turned on his heel and went to go talk with Chef. The two blond interns were busy unloading boxes from the plane; Courtney figured this was as good a time as any to talk to Duncan, so she gave him a rough push on the shoulder.

"Okay. Let's hear it."

"Hear?"

"Your apology?"

"_For...?_"

"For?! _Ugh! _For_ Gwen!_"

"_Haaah,_" Cody sighed.

"For who?" Now Courtney knew that Duncan was just trying to aggravate her—as if there was ever any time when he wasn't. She found herself screaming anyway.

"FOR _GWEN!_"

"_Haaah._"

"_Agh!_"

"_Haaah._"

"STOP BREATHING SO LOUD!" Courtney snapped, her patience finally exhausted.

Cody flinched and took a step back. This was, admittedly, the most activity he had done all day, but it didn't last long; instead he just slumped over and began to gaze off in the opposite direction.

Alejandro suddenly strode up, pushing Cody roughly out of his path. "May I offer my...Latin warmth?" He tried to pull Courtney into a hug, but she pulled away, scowling.

"Thanks, but I'm just as 'Latin' as you are, you know." Alejandro frowned as she turned back to her apathetic ex-boyfriend. "Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about! After what you did, I think I deserve—"

"Good news!" Chris said, striding toward them again. "The jackets are—" He paused as he noticed Courtney wagging her finger at Duncan, who was pointedly looking away toward the snow dunes. "Huh. I'm not interrupting something that'll increase the ratings, am I? Redshirt, you're getting this on film, right?"

Nelson the Intern sighed, poking his head out from behind his camera. "Yes, Mr. McLean."

Courtney sputtered for a moment, then dropped her arm, glaring at Duncan. He just gave an infuriating eye-roll before turning away and rubbing his arms for warmth.

Chris frowned, disappointed. "Fine, be that way. Follow me over to part one of the challenge. And watch your steps on the ice," he snickered, as Sierra pushed Cody along and caused him to slip and fall on his face.

* * *

**Sierra:** Okay, so maybe he's still a _bit_ sad about Gwen. But I'll cheer him up! That's what a good wife _does. _We've been married fourteen times in my head and twice in my blog, "I Dream of Cody," hee-hee! So it'll happen for real eventually. (_crosses fingers_)

* * *

Cody was out of it today.

He just felt so..._ugh._ He wasn't even sure how to describe it. Miserable? Yeah. But numb, too. And hopeless. And hollow. And just sort of...gone. His body was there in the snow, shivering, but his mind felt like it was far away. Or nowhere. Or something.

He was only half-listening as Chris described the challenge, where each team would be given a set of I-Build-A-Tools and tasked with making some indeterminate item. Normally this would be the sort of thing to excite him—Cody had experience building models, so this was the perfect opportunity to show off his talents and impress everyone and maybe even win the challenge except...no. None of those things would happen. He _knew _that they wouldn't happen. Because things like that _never_ happened.

In some ways, this was a massive revelation. It seemed to burst in his mind like an explosion, shattering his entire worldview.

Yet it faded into embers seconds later. _Whatever._

He dimly noticed as Heather began digging through the equipment, eying it quizzically. "We should lay out the pieces, try to figure out what we're building," Courtney said.

"Is that how you plan on slowing us down _this_ time?"

Courtney glared; her conversation with Duncan had left her in a foul mood, as hard as she was trying to focus on the task at hand. Her patience snapped as Heather experimentally turned a rotating piece. "_Stop!_ We don't even know what we're building yet!"

The two began to struggle over the piece. Cody watched insouciantly.

Sierra popped her head out from the other side of the pile, oblivious to her teammates' tension. "What do _you_ think, Cody?"

He sighed. "Who cares?"

Sierra frowned, then saddled up to him. She began to massage his shoulders; he grimaced slightly but couldn't quite draw up enough energy to shrug her away.

"Oh, come _on,_ honey! I know you have lots of experience with this kind of thing. You have six different model spaceships on display in your room, including the _Expedition_ from _Space Trek,_ a fighter from _Spacedoor_ and—"

Cody gave a loud groan and slumped so low that his head was almost between his knees. Somehow this was enough to convince Sierra of how disinterested he was; she bit her lip and turned, taking in her arguing teammates and then the pile of untouched pieces.

A sudden idea struck her. She picked up two pieces and began to work.

* * *

Heather stopped struggling as she noticed Sierra, who was suddenly working at a feverish pace. Courtney followed her gaze.

"Sierra, stop!"

"Let her go! She's obviously figured it out," Heather said, dropping the piece that they had been fighting over. "Maybe you should try _helping_ instead of _complaining_ for a change."

"I _am_ helping! Just because I don't—"

It was too late for a comeback, though, as Heather had already already started grabbing pieces at Sierra's instruction. Courtney grimaced, but moved over to join her. After all, she _did_ want to win this challenge, and more than that, she wanted the others to know that she did. _I'm next on the chopping block if we lose,_ she reminded herself. _I can't give Heather or Cody a chance to kick me off before the merger._

Speaking of Cody...she glanced at him now, sitting on a rock, faced away from the rest of them, slumping. Her frown deepened. "Why isn't _he_ helping?" she grumbled, passing a plank from the pile to Heather.

She spared a quick glance. "Who cares? Let him mope over Weird Goth Girl if he wants." Her tone was dismissive, and also disdainful. _Hmm,_ Courtney thought. Cody and Heather both probably wanted her gone, but at least there wasn't any sort of natural friendship between them.

She heard noise coming from Team Chris' work area; looking up, Courtney saw the boys talking excitedly as Owen held up a large U-shaped piece. Duncan glanced over his shoulder; for a moment, their eyes met. Courtney stopped working to watch as he quickly constructed a screen out of their canvas and set it up to block them from view.

Courtney suddenly felt her blood boil; the next time she picked up an I-Build-A-Tool she practically threw it into Sierra's chest. "Hey!" she cried, nearly falling into the snow.

"Let's hurry up," Courtney snapped, ignoring Heather's glare as she helped Sierra to her feet. "We need to win this challenge."

Win so that Courtney could stay in the game.

And more importantly, so that she could watch Duncan get eliminated instead.

* * *

"Hey, guys, I'm gonna take a little break, okay?"

Alejandro looked up from his work, nails in his mouth and a hammer in his hand. "Uh, sure, buddy!" _It's not like you were really helping anyway, you _burro de mantequilla, he thought bitterly.

Owen moved to the edge of their work area and plopped down in the snow, ignoring the unpleasant rumbling of his stomach. He noticed that Cody was sitting nearby. He must have been taking a break too, since Owen could see the rest of Team Amazon working hard on their project (though oddly it didn't look very much like theirs).

"Hey, Code! How are things goin' with the girls?"

Cody mumbled indistinctly.

"Yeah, it must be pretty cool," Owen said wistfully. "But things are going really well on my team too. I mean, I've been sort of depressed ever since Noah left, but Al and Duncan are both being super nice to me today."

Cody made another vague sound, though his blank gaze hardened slightly as he heard his enemy's name.

"I'm just trying to get along with the both of them, you know? Like I know Al isn't really a fan of my gas, so I've been holding it in all day. Not that it's easy," Owen added, rubbing his stomach painfully. "And I'm not sure if they like each other too much, but _I_ like both of them. So I guess that even though you get to be on a team with a bunch of super-cool chicks, I sort of lucked out too. You know?"

Cody's sense of ennui only seemed to be getting worse now; his shoulders slumped lower as if laid down with the weight of his depression.

"Uh, hey, Owen! I need someone _really strong_ to help me with this! Come give me a hand?" Duncan called.

"Be right there! I gotta go," he said, rising to his feet. "Nice talking to ya, buddy!"

He trotted back to his team, leaving Cody alone again. Meanwhile, Heather was handing the last plank to Sierra, who hammered it into place with a broad, crazy smile on her lips.

Chris sauntered over, looking amused. "Alright, Amazons. Whatcha got?"

"_TA-DA!_" Sierra said, standing atop her creation and motioning to it proudly. "Whuddya think?"

Courtney and Heather took a few steps back to examine their work.

It was a seven-foot-tall replica of Cody's head.

Heather stared at it. Courtney stared at it. Sierra stared at the back of the real Cody's head expectantly. Cody gave it the briefest of looks, rolled his eyes and stared back at the snow dunes.

* * *

**Cody:** (_sigh_) ...Whatever.

* * *

"_That's_ what you made us _build?!_ Another stupid idol for the freaky stalker shrine you have back home?!"

"It's an _homage!_" Sierra said pointedly. "An artistic testament to my love for—_hey!_"

Heather interrupted Sierra by picking up a sledgehammer and swinging it at her head. Sierra dropped to the ground and grabbed an Allen key, holding it in front of her like a sword. Courtney moved forward to stop them, only to get accidentally hit by Sierra's backswing and fall to the ground. The boys of Team Chris watched in fascination.

_Ding-ding!_

"Time for a song!" Chris cried.

Alejandro gave Owen a look. "As you sing, do _not_ mention we're building a boat."

Owen's eyes widened. "WE'RE BUILDING A BOAT?!_"_

Alejandro cursed himself—but more importantly, Owen—as the girls all glanced over. Duncan facepalmed and moved the tarp aside, revealing the Viking-style longboat Team Chris had constructed.

The disembodied music began as the girls began to consult with each other.

"_They're way ahead,/So we've got to go."_

"_We've got to build something to sail,/Something we can ro-ow,"_ Courtney agreed.

"_It doesn't have to be a boat,/As long as it stays afloat,_" Sierra said defensively.

"_Oh, why..._"

Cody watched his teammates for a minute, then turned away; he made no effort to join in their singing, and in fact, had given _that _up long before he even gave up everything else. He saw a stick on the ground; it captured his attention more than anything on the show honestly could. He picked it up and began to draw lines in the snow. Soon they began to take on a shape.

"_Yeeah-yeeah-yeeah-yeeaaaaah!_"

Sierra finished their song by sliding across the icy ground on her knees, arms poised dramatically in the air. She turned to glance at Cody just as he was finishing his drawing.

It was Gwen. A simple doodle, but just as clear as Sierra's own sculpture of Cody.

Sierra scoffed and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest.

As a result, she didn't notice as Cody suddenly swiped his stick across the drawing, ruining it. His expression remained sullen but otherwise unreadable.

* * *

After forcing everyone but Cody to redo the song while wearing ridiculously sparkly outfits, Chris gave his eponymous team their reward, which turned out to be a bag of rocks of all things. He then declared that both teams had to drag their vessels to the water, as the next step of the challenge involved sailing north to received instructions from Chef.

Which was slightly difficult for Team Amazon, since they had a massive Cody-head instead of an actual boat.

"_Hey! Focus!_" Sierra snapped, as Heather had been distracted by Alejandro dragging the ship along with his shirt off. (_Why_ Courtney had no idea; it wasn't as if he was afraid of working up a sweat in this weather.) "Thank you. Now, even though this isn't the 'correct' design" (she used air quotations) "we can still use it, no problem! We can just lop off the top of Wood-Cody's head and ride in him like a boat!" She let a manic little giggle; this was, in fact, #62 on her list of Top Cody-Related Fantasies.

The girls got a saw and began to slice through Wood-Cody's forehead; Courtney paused in her work to glare at Flesh-and-Blood-Cody, who was still off in his own little world. "Cody sure seems to do a lot of _watching_ and very little _helping._"

"And you seem to do a lot of _whining,_" Heather snapped. "Now keep cutting before the boys get their boat to the water!"

Speed, as it turned out, didn't matter; Owen, who had been holding his stomach painfully as the others worked, suddenly screamed something and ran off, slipping on the ice and falling onto his rather wide backside. A loud fart sounded, echoing loud enough for Team Amazon to notice twenty feet away; and since Owen's gas has a proven track record of possessing magical powers, this was soon followed by the sounds of ice splitting as cracks began to snake their way from the rotund teenager towards the two teams' vessels.

Nelson lowered his camera. "What the he_EEEECK!_"

_SPLASH!_

The intern fell into the freezing water as Owen ran past, clambering quickly into Team Chris' boat. Sierra quickly grabbed Real-Cody and threw him into Wood-Cody with Heather and Courtney, grabbing its side just as the ice fractured beneath them.

"_IT FLOATS!_ Phew." Sierra grinned. "_Let's get 'em!_"

Team Chris' boat was already ahead of them; from here Courtney could just see the back of Duncan's head. "Let's," she growled, raising the sail and feeling her hand ball into a fist.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter wound up notably shorter than the others. I kept trying to figure out things to add to it...the thing is, this is a Team Chris-centric episode and those scenes are pretty much irrelevant to this story's plot. Whatever. I hope you enjoyed, and please review!


	9. Sweden Sour, Part 2

**Author's Notes:** I'm really surprised that this story has so much positive attention; I feel like it's not as good as I want it. However, I'm hoping it will get (even more?) interesting after this challenge, so I need to stop with year-long hiatuses. For those who've given this fic so much love, enjoy your early Valentine's Day present!

* * *

**"Sweden Sour," Part 2**

_It was cold now, but the cold didn't bother him much anymore. Nothing bothered him much, except everything._

_The plane was as empty as his hopes and dreams, allowing him to move freely now until the enemies got back. Not that there was anything to do. Take some food, stretch his legs, all so he could keep from fainting. Because _that _would make such a difference._

_Part of him knew that his thoughts don't even make sense anymore. That little part of him was in the back, tiny and alone and scared, sniffling like a lost child._

"_But I doon't _want_ too goo among mad people!" it moaned._

_The monster gave a horrible smile filled with yellowing teeth._

_"Ooh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. Yoo're mad."_

"I'm_ not!"_

_"You must be," said the monster, "oor yoo wooldn't have come here, eh?"_

* * *

Chris and Chef calmly got in their motorboat and made their way to the dock, completely ignoring the intern that was flailing in the water.

"Help! I can't swim!"

"_Hang on, Nelson!_" Billy turned to Willy. "Do we have anything to pull him in?!"

"Like what? We gotta dive in after him!"

"Is that safe in water this cold?"

"Do you have a better idea?!"

"Oh, wow! You guys need help?"

They spun around. Behind them was a young woman wearing a thick jacket, standing next to a sled. How she had managed to ride up without them hearing was a mystery, but she was now shrugging off her bulging backpack, taking out a long coil of rope.

"Here!"

She tossed it to Billy, who caught it on instinct, still a bit stunned. He and Willy quickly uncoiled it, then yelled to Nelson as they threw it into the water. He managed to grab it, and a moment later they had pulled him onto the ice, where he collapsed, gasping and shaking.

"Here." Billy looked up just in time for the woman to throw a towel at his chest. "And he can use my jacket, too—no offense, but you guys should have checked the weather before picking your wardrobe today."

"We didn't really have a choice about that," Billy muttered, as he took the jacket and helped pull it onto his shivering friend. Even without it the woman was more appropriately dressed than any of the others, with a thick sweater, scarf and earmuffs. And goggles, which he supposed might be useful if a blizzard started.

"Come on, man, we gotta get you back to the plane—" said Willy. The three began to shuffle through the snow. "Thanks for your help!"

"No problem. See you around!"

"Well, probably not, we're only gonna be here—huh?"

The three interns looked back in confusion.

"...Where'd she go?"

* * *

"You're zigzagging on purpose to slow us down!"

"I am not!" Courtney snapped, trying to work the rudder that had been hastily attached to their vessel. "It's impossible to steer in this stupid geek head!"

Cody ignored his teammates as he stared over the side of their "boat." He had quickly gone from feeling "depressed and hollow" to "depressed and hollow and seasick." It didn't help that Sierra was standing next to him, running her fingers through his hair in a distinctly creepy manner.

"Let me cheer you up by taking you to a _happy_ place. It's a beautiful mountainside filled with _Codies._ Some are giant, others are small, enough to tuck in your pocket, hee-hee! And some are chocolate-covered marshmallow Codies."

The image of Sierra eating a tiny, chocolate-covered version of himself—and probably _getting off on it_—was enough to make Cody throw up over the side.

"There!" Sierra said, like a mother talking to her toddler. "Feel better?"

Cody did, physically, but he didn't answer. His eyes were focused on the water as his vomit slowly flowed out of sight.

It was so cold, he thought, as a random breeze blew made him shiver. Back in Canada, winter would just be starting to melt back into spring. He tried to picture his friends walking home from school past trees that were turning green. It felt weird just to remember that they'd _be_ at school, that that was still a thing. Between this season and TDA, and the Drama Brother tour in-between, he'd barely _been_ to school this whole year. Let alone, like, home in general.

He wondered what his friends were doing right now. Or his parents. Or anyone fortunate enough to live outside of this stupid show.

Cody kept staring at his reflection in the water, and Sierra's beside it.

"What are you looking at, honey?"

He sighed. "Nothing."

From a few feet away, Courtney looked at the pair and scowled.

Then she looked off toward the dock where the other team—including _Duncan_—were getting briefed by Chris and Chef. Her face hardened.

* * *

Team Chris had already taken off before Team Amazon arrived. Chef loaded their cannon while the host quickly gave them the challenge—get the flag or sink the other team's ship. There was only one problem.

"No way is _she_ captain!" Courtney and Heather said in unison, each pointing at the other.

"Well, _someone's_ gotta wear the hat!"

"I nominate Cody!" Sierra said, surprising absolutely no one.

"Fine!" Heather snapped, taking the horned helmet and tossing it onto the deadpan boy's head.

Courtney, who was holding the meat-/cannon balls, gave Chris and annoyed look. "We need matches to light the cannon!"

Chris laughed. "_Matches?_ The best we gave Team Me were some flints, and _they_ actually won the challenge. You're going to have to find some other way to win."

"_How?!_"

He shrugged his warm, furry shoulders. "I'm sure you'll think of something. _Buh-bye._"

He gave them the most sarcastic wave and the Chris-iest grin he could muster. Courtney's lip curled, and she threw the meatballs to the ground in anger. (Cody snapped out of his daze just long enough to jump back—they were so hard he half-expected them to break through the wood.) Chris actually drew back in surprise as Courtney screamed at him.

"Listen here, you diminutive little—"

"_Hey! _We don't have _time_ for this!" Heather snapped, picking the meatballs off the dock.

Courtney redirected her rage from Chris to her. "Well, how are we supposed to beat them without any way to light the cannon?!"

Unlike Chris, Heather didn't back down. "I don't know! How are we supposed to beat them when they already have a _five minute head-start?_ Unless you _want_ Duncan and the others to win?"

Courtney growled, glared at Chris, but then followed Heather back into the Cody head.

Sierra followed, along with Cody, but only because she was holding his hand.

Chris scoffed as soon as they took off. "Man. That girl needs to work on her anger issues." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Unless she blows up at another contestant, that would be cool."

* * *

"Great! We'll _never_ catch up with them! Just look how far away they are!"

"We _have _to," Courtney growled, tightening her grip on the (for lack of a better word) rail.

"Well, we're not _going_ to. Though maybe we _could_ have, if you hadn't been stalling us every chance you got—"

Heather was surprised as Courtney suddenly pushed her, sending her against the _S.S. Cody's_ side. "What is wrong with you?! You don't think I want to win?! You don't think I want to get _Duncan_ off this show?!"

Before Heather could get over her shock enough to respond, the boat suddenly swerved. She spun around to face Cody, whom they had put to work manning the rudder. "Hey, twerp! Watch what you're doing!"

"Huh?"

Cody had started glaring at the ground at the mention of Duncan's name, but now looked up suddenly, righting the rudder in the process. It was at this point that Sierra suddenly pointed off the bow, catching everyone's attention. "Look! They're turning around!"

Courtey followed her finger; indeed, Team Chris' boat was making a slow turn toward them. "Why would they do that?"

Heather thought for a moment, came up with no logical solution, so instead fell back onto Grade 5 logic. "Because _boys_ are _stupid! _Battle stations!"

"But they were in the lead! What if this is some kind of trick, or—"

The others didn't wait for Courtney to finish; Sierra found two twigs on the floor and quickly rubbed them together, creating a fire. She lit the fuse just as Heather loaded the meatball, and the cannon fired, sending the volley right at Team Chris' ship.

It missed, but Courtney could hear distant yelling, as if indignant that Team Amazon had attacked when they were clearing planning the same thing.

When she looked up, she noticed that it was _Duncan, _specifically, who was doing the yelling.

Her gaze hardened. She felt her fingers curl into fists, and the next thing she knew she was pushing Heather out of the way, taking hold of the cannon for herself.

"Hey! What are you doing?!" Heather said, trying to grab it back.

"Fixing the aim!"

"_I_ was doing that!"

"Well, now _I'm_ going to do it right!"

"Uh, guys?" said Sierra. "I already lit the fuse."

Heather and Courtney both blinked, then jumped out of the way just as the cannon fired. Unfortunately, the girls' struggle had managed to point it exactly nowhere useful, meaning it missed by an even wider margin.

Then Team Chris fired back and struck, blowing a hole right in Wood-Cody's face.

Sierra gasped. "_NOOOOO!_"

She quickly joined the fray with the other girls, struggling over the final cannon ball. Cody watched them dispassionately from the back. He was only vaguely wondering if their team would win, and in all honestly, did not care if they did.

Team Chris fired their second shot.

Right toward Cody, who was too out of it to notice.

Sierra gasped. "_COOOOODYYYYY!_"

She abandoned the struggle with the others and dove through the air, just as Cody finally looked up.

The cannonball collided with her stomach, and she fell to the deck, gasping in pain. The volley bounced off and fell over the side, splashing in the water.

The other girls knelt beside her, dropping the cannonball to the ground. "Are you okay?!" Courtney asked.

She gasped and nodded, looking hopefully at Cody. He only blinked owlishly, as though not entirely sure what he had just seen.

* * *

"She must have been a tourist or something," Billy mused, once they had Nelson in the interns' quarters wrapped up in an electric blanket. "She didn't have a Swedish accent or anything. Plus she was Asian."

"I thought she looked First Nation, personally."

"Whatever." Billy regarded the jacket in his hands with a frown. "Not sure how we're supposed to return this to her."

"Well, she let us take it and took off. She probably doesn't mind."

"I guess. Hey..." Billy blinked, bringing the jacket's collar close enough for him to read. "_Jenn-ee-ee?_"

"Huh?"

"There's a name on the jacket. _Jenny E._"

A sudden _THUD_ made them both jump. Willy spun around and could have sworn he saw a blur disappear into the common area.

"Did you see that?"

"See what?"

* * *

Before Heather had time to react, Courtney had scooped up the meatball and Sierra's kindling to light up the cannon again. She spun it around, aiming straight for Duncan (and the rest of Team Chris)'s boat.

_BOOM!_

And it...missed by about three feet.

"_What?!_" she said, outraged.

"_That was our last cannonball, you idiot!_"

Fortunately for them, Owen's third shot was even worse—not only did it miss them by a mile, it went right through their own mast, crippling their ship.

Courtney and Heather looked at each other, then burst out laughing. Alejandro and Duncan looked frozen with horror.

"Thanks for turning back to fight, _suckers_!" Courtney mocked, enjoying the expression on Duncan's face as they sailed past.

"We'll enjoy first class for you!" Heather agreed.

Courtney heard Alejandro and Duncan arguing as she grinned to herself. She was safe now. Team Amazon would win, and with their team so small Chris would probably pull the merger next week. She already had ideas about what to do next—she couldn't rely on Team Chris voting Duncan off, given how Owen just screwed up, but Alejandro kept trying to cozy up to her, so if she could get him into an alliance and convince Cody to vote with them—_  
_

"There's the flag! We did it!" Sierra gasped. Despite her injury she poked herself out of the Cody-eye window, trying to reach the buoy where they goal was stashed.

That's when Courtney heard Cody sniff and, for the first time all day, say something with any trace of emotion.

"_Owen?_"

She looked up just in time to see him fly through the air, fist out like a superhero, then collide with their vessel and blow it to smithereens.

* * *

"I—h-hate—all of y-you," Heather gasped once they were back on the plane, wrapped in warm towels and taking hot water bottles from the interns.

"Believe me, I can sympathize," Nelson mumbled, sniffling as he walked away.

"This is all _your_ fault!" she added, glaring daggers at Courtney. "If you had just let _me_ fire the cannon—"

"Like you know how to use it any better than me!"

"_You_ were the one who wasted our last meatball! Oh, you are _so_ taking the drop this time, I _swear!_"

"Me?!" Courtney thought quickly, looking for an out. "Well—what about _Cody?!_"

"Huh?" he said, looking up from the floor.

"Yeah, '_huh?!'_" Courtney mocked, feeling a surprising tide of anger suddenly well up. "What is _wrong_ with you?! You've done absolutely _nothing_ ever since your Goth girlfriend got dumped! Not _even_ your girlfriend! You didn't help us build, you didn't help us sing, you got _Sierra_ sent to the Infirmary just because you were too busy staring off into space—"

"Well, at least he didn't _actively sabotage_ us like _some_ people," Heather snapped.

"I did not—"

"Ladies!" came a familiar voice, and Courtney looked up to see Alejandro poke his head into the room. "There's no trouble in paradise, I hope?"

Courtney scowled. "It's _you_ guys who are in paradise, remember?!"

"Ah, the pleasures of first class are fickle, but how could they compare to such..._beautiful_ company?"

He gave Courtney his dreamiest smile. She looked down at the ground, grumbling sarcastically.

Heather's eyes narrowed.

"Well, I must be off. Good luck with the elimination, my dears!"

He left. Heather glanced after him, then got up.

"I'll be right back."

She swept after Alejandro. Courtney watched her, then turned back to Cody. His face was as blank as ever, though now it was a different _kind_ of blank—his eyes were wide and distant, and his lip was trembling the tiniest bit.

"What are _you_ looking at?" Courtney snapped.

Cody looked down at the floor. "I don't know," he whispered.

* * *

_He finally understood: __It was all fake. All of it. Everyone. Everything. And if it _wasn't _fake then it would be, in time. The already-fake things would make sure of that._

_Like look at those people, right now. Bad-Girl had tracked down Bad-Man, and pushed him angrily against a wall. She was mad, and that was real. But Bad-Man was fake, everything he _said_ was fake. He could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, smell it on his soul like rotting sugar in the hot sun. _

"I am _not_ jealous, you arrogant—"

"Of course I refer to Courtney," Bad-Man quickly lied. "I must make her believe that no one else exists for me. If she is focused on _us,_ then _you_ can blindside her."

Bad-Girl scoffed. "Puh—please. She doesn't even _notice_ you. What are you—"

"Believe me, Heather," he said, and his voice was _lies, lies, LIES,_ "the only woman I want to look at is you."

"That's—you're so—whatev," Bad-Girl stammered, as he edged closer to watch them.

Bad-Man took her face in his hand just as HIS voice sounded throughout the plane.

"_All losers please report to the elimination area._ All _losers!_"

"Now go vote her off already," Bad-Man said, and Bad-Girl's gaze matched his own.

_And it was done. Bad-Girl's real turned into Bad-Man's fake. Because fake was real, and in the end, everything was fake._

_Ezekiel almost had to snicker, laughing as he disappeared into the shadows._

_He finally understood everything. It was only his sanity that had been standing in the way. _

* * *

**Heather:** I am _not_ voting for Courtney because of Alejandro. But if he wants to believe I am, then that's fine with me. Whatever. _(beat)_ Shut up!

* * *

Courtney had a bad feeling as she waited on the bleachers for the elimination. The fact that Heather, Sierra and Cody were sitting together didn't really help matters.

"Cody and I are voting for Courtney," Sierra told Heather in a stage whisper. "We trust you'll do the same."

Heather smirked, not even pretending to hide the conversation. "Bye-_bye,_ Courtney."

She felt her insides freeze up—there went her last hope that Heather might have voted for Cody and given her another tie-breaker challenge. Before she could respond, however, Chris began his speech.

"Ah, the elimination room. _This_ is where one of you will be tossed into the darkness, to plummet out of my life and possibly to the end of your own. _And,_ if this weren't a reward challenge, that would happen _tonight. PSYCH, _no vote tonight! You're all safe! For now..."

"Yes!" Courtney said, as Heather and Sierra protested.

"Yes sirree! As we speak, Team Perfect Me is getting their reward: Swedish massages performed by a genuine, registered massage therapist." He turned to the camera, ignoring their groans. "What other kinds of therapists will our competitors need before the season's over? Find out..."

Before he could finish Heather stood and stormed off, grumbling to herself. Cody, who had remained expressionless through the entire speech, slowly slid off the bleachers and began to walk away.

"Oh, Codykins! Do you want to maybe get dinner, or—"

"Bathroom."

"Oh. Okay." Sierra looked disappointed, but followed him placidly out of the room.

Courtney stood slowly, walking away with shaky steps. She wasn't eliminated. _She wasn't eliminated._ She still had a chance at the million. She could still win this contest. She had plans—she was trying to remember them, but her salvation had come so suddenly that she was still in a state of shock, happy shock to be sure, but still it was hard to think—

She suddenly bumped into someone.

Duncan.

For a moment she just stared at him, confused. She felt...nothing, except a dim reminder that she was _supposed_ to be feeling something. It was odd, really. Duncan had conjured a lot of emotions in her since the pair had met, but never _nothing._

Duncan, however, had no confusion toward her. He scowled.

"Oh. _You're_ still here. Who took the Drop of Shame for you this time, Princess?"

Courtney's daze was shattered instantly. She blinked, and looked at him again, and then she wasn't quite sure what happened, except that she let out a scream and suddenly was holding him against the wall.

"_WHAT IS YOUR _PROBLEM?!"

He scoffed. "_My_ problem?!" he said, pushing her away and straightening his shirt. "Says the psycho who just attacks people at random?!"

"_AT RANDOM?!_ What about when you _randomly_ decided to start sucking some other girl's face?!"

He scoffed, turning away. "Whatever—"

"No, NOT whatever!" she screamed, and even she could hear the hysterical squeak in her voice. She grabbed Duncan's shoulder and spun him around. "I've put up with this crap long enough! I want to know what is going on!"

"What is going on with _what?_"

"WITH EVERYTHING! Why are you pretending you don't know?! I want to know why you suddenly deciding that you like Gwen more than me! Why you decided to _cheat on me_ and have been acting like it's my fault ever since! Why—why we didn't see each other for _weeks_ and then when you come back you're suddenly acting like a completely different person! You said you _cared_ about me!" Her voice cracked for a moment. "Whatever happened to _that,_ huh?! Do you even _realize_ what a total _jerk _you're being?!"_  
_

"I'm not dealing with this right now."

"Yes you are! Get back here!" He kept walking away. "I said _get back here!_"

He stepped into first class and slammed the door shut behind him. Courtney stared at it for a moment, then suddenly let out a howl, kicking the wall beside her.

"_OW! _Oh..."

She spun around and stormed back toward Economy Class, then stopped, breathing fast. What was she doing? She didn't want to go sit with those three right after they tried to vote her off, and _definitely_ not when she was in a mood like this. So what _should_ she do? Maybe find Alejandro or Owen, and lure them into an alliance? But they were in First Class right now...with _Duncan, _getting their _Swedish massages._ (Courtney closed her eyes and rubbed her temples as she literally began seeing red.)

There was no one she wanted to be around right now.

In fact, she suddenly realized, there was no one on this plane she actually liked at all._  
_

She took several deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart. And then she went off to find some part of the plane where she could go and think by herself.

* * *

**Cody:** _(walks into the bathroom, turns on the light and stands in front of the camera)_

_(takes a deep breath, opens his mouth to speak, then closes it)_

_(looks down at the floor for a long moment, his eye twitching)_

_(turns around, turns off the light and walks out of the room)_

* * *

**A/N:** The theme of this episode seems to be "everyone's going crazy, one way or another."

The next chapter is supposed to be a major turning point in the story; hopefully I can get it out within the next couple days.

And, for this chapter and the rest of the fic: _The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed._


	10. Sweden Sour, Part 3

**"Sweden Sour," Part 3**

The Total Drama Jumbo Jet's lowest deck was the Cargo Hold, filled with large boxes of food, electrical equipment and other supplies. Chef and the interns occasionally came in and out, but nobody bothered to guard it. Just about every contestant had been in there at least once, if only to look around before leaving in boredom. Owen had once tried to sneak snacks from there, only to run away screaming that he had seen a monster. Noah had used it as a reading room before his elimination. Heather had confronted Alejandro in there less than half an hour before.

Now it was empty—or so Courtney hoped. She didn't put much stock in Owen's "monster" claim, but couldn't discount the possibility of one of Chris' wild pets. And she wasn't quite sure if she was allowed to be in there anyway.

The only sounds she heard were her own breathing and heartbeat, both still quick from her encounter with Duncan. She tiptoed in as quietly as possible, then sat down against the nearest row of boxes. She took several slow breaths, trying to calm down.

Then she heard a moan.

"_AAAGGGHHH!_" she screamed, jumping to her feet.

"Huh?!"

She looked down on the other side of the boxes—and saw Cody blinking blearily up from the floor.

"_Ugh! You!_" she snapped. "What are you doing here?"

For a moment he stared at her like he didn't understand the question—which, combined with how much of a zombie he had been all day, was seriously starting to get on Courtney's nerves. "Hiding from Sierra," he croaked before looking down at the floor.

"Of _course_ you are," she said, crossing her arms. "Though I notice the two of you were still chummy enough to form an alliance against me," she added.

"No." He spoke so quietly that at first Courtney wasn't sure she had heard right, but then he continued "I voted for Sierra. I _always_ vote for Sierra."

"Huh?"

For a moment that information gave Courtney a surge of excitement...before she realized that that wouldn't have changed anything anyway: it would still have been two votes to kick her off against one for Cody and Sierra each. That thought immediately made her bitter again, and she glared down at Cody, semi-consciously looking for some justification to vent her anger on him.

"So she jumps in front of a cannonball because you were too _stupid_ to move, and you thank her by trying to kick her off the show." Her face suddenly hardened, her fingers digging painfully into her tightly-crossed arms. "You know, I can't stand _any_ of you people. It's like everyone on this plane is just—_looking_ for opportunities to turn on everybody else! You! Heather! _Duncan!_ And that—lying _tramp_ who you just won't accept strings you along for your vote without _ever_ actually being interested in you!"

Cody looked up at her. His face, like hers, was set in a hard expression, albeit one that was still oddly blank.

Courtney expected him to yell at her. And when she looked back on the scene later, she could even think of all the things Cody _could_ have said: that Gwen wasn't like that, he _totally_ really liked her, or that Courtney had done plenty of sneaky things last season herself, that _she_ had been turning on the Amazons by throwing challenges, that she had been trying to use flirtation to manipulate _him_ while plotting with Sierra behind his back.

Cody didn't say anything like that. Instead he did something that caught Courtney completely off-guard.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs and began to cry.

* * *

_**(Bus to the Toronto Airport, just before the start of "Walk Like an Egyptian")**_

_"The Zeke is goonna _dominate_ this season, eh!"_

_"If you say that one more time, I'm going to _defenestrate _you before you get the chance," Noah said, glaring down at his book. __  
_

_Cody rolled his eyes. "Come on, Noah. Aren't you excited? We're finally back in the game!"_

_"I'm 'excited' at the prospect of winning a million dollars. But '_The Zeke'_ here is acting like my two-year-old niece on a sugar rush."_

_Cody had to admit that was an apt comparison—Ezekiel kept bouncing around in the seat behind them (and occasionally falling out of it), talking a mile a minute about what kinds of challenges might be coming up, the places they might go and whether or not any of the eight languages he knew might be useful. ("I can speak Mandarin, but what if we goo somewhere where we need Cantonese, eh?") Cody had a hard time keeping up, especially when Ezekiel lapsed into his impenetrable attempts at 'teenspeak.'  
_

_"Hey homeys, I have an idea! What if the three of us form an alliance, eh? Get a drop on this biz befur the game even starts!"_

_"That's a great idea!" Cody said._

_Noah looked up from his book to stare at him. "No, it _isn't_. Chances are the three of us won't even be on the same team."_

_"Ooh, yeah." Ezekiel looked worried. "I haven't really thought about the teams that much, eh. What if I wind up with, like, Heather oor Duncan oor Courtney oor something? OR EVA?!" he said in sudden horror._

_"Eva isn't in this season."_

_"Ooh. Good."_

_"Don't worry about it, Zeke. No matter what team you end up with, it's not gonna be the end of the world. And even if Noah and I are both on the other team, the three of us can still hang outside of the competition. Right, Noah?"_

_"Sure, 'hang.' Whatever." He turned the page of his book._

_Ezekiel was finally quiet for a moment, resting his head on the top of Cody and Noah's seat. "Doo you really think I have a chance to win?" he asked, his tone uncharacteristically solemn._

_Cody shrugged. "_All_ of us have a chance. Just because we got voted off early last time doesn't mean we can't go farther now."_

_Ezekiel smiled. "Yeah. Yoo'r right. I'm goonna prove that I'm not a loser this time." He suddenly jumped to his feet, raising his fist in the air. "Look out, _Total Drama_—__this season, THE ZEKE is goonna__—"_

___"WILL YOU BE QUIET?!_" Courtney snapped from a few rows ahead.

_Ezekiel jumped, then noticed that several other passengers were also giving him annoyed looks. He slowly sat back down._

_Cody chuckled to himself as he put his hands behind his head. "Personally, I don't even care that much if I win. To me it's all about having a good time, hanging out with cool people and all the fame that comes with being an international TV star."_

_"Yoo're lucky. Yoo already have a band and a record contract and everything. I've been trying like crazy to get my rap career ooff the ground."_

_"He's a spare body in a second-rate boy band. Be _happy_ you haven't achieved such an Uncanny Valley of fame," Noah groused._

_Cody glared at him for a moment, then turned away, letting his gaze wander to the other denizens of the bus._

_Three guesses on which denizen that gaze finally stopped at._

_Gwen was sitting in a seat by herself, reading a magazine. Her blue lips were turned into a small, cute frown. Cody watched her for a moment, smirking to himself. Noah noticed, rolled his eyes and went back to reading._

_A good time, hanging out with cool people, fame and finally getting another chance to hook up with Gwen._

_This season was going to be _awesome.

* * *

Courtney blinked hard, stared at Cody for a moment, and said "Uh..."

Cody sobbed three times, sniffled, paused, then went back to sobbing.

"Um—Cody, look—I didn't really mean that. I mean—after all, voting for Sierra is a lot better than trying to get _me_ eliminated, right?"

Cody's crying only seemed to be getting louder.

"And I didn't mean that about Gwen, either! Well—I _did_ mean that lying tramp part, but not the—not-actually-being-interested-in-you part. She might be, one day! I mean—"

"This isn't about _Gwen!_" Cody said, finally lifting his face up from his knees.

Courtney froze in mid-sentence. "Oh," she said, for want of anything better.

"I m-mean—not t-totally about her," Cody gasped. He wiped his hair out of his face and kept his hand there, as if hoping he could somehow hide his tears at this point. "I don't know. I mean—yeah, there's everything with Gwen, but everything else...I just don't..."

He trailed off. Then, just when Courtney thought he was through talking, he lashed out with one leg and kicked the box across from him with the sole of his foot.

"This whole season _sucks,_" he said with sudden venom. "It's just so many little things. Almost all of my friends were on another team—Noah, Ezekiel, Owen, Harold—I mean, I got Gwen, but now _she's_ gone, and—all these challenges are _terrible,_ I almost got poisoned in the Amazon, and now it's like you said, this whole team has just fallen apart—everybody trying to vote each other off, scheming against each other, and I'm no good at that, I don't want to pick sides, I don't _hate_ any of you guys, not even Heather—except Sierra. Oh _hell,_ Sierra!" He kicked the box again, but sniffled at the same time. "She is the _worst!_ She won't let me do _anything_ by myself! She steals all my things! She _never_ listens to anything I tell her! She—she—"

He covered his face again, and again Courtney didn't know what to say. It was uncomfortable; since she _always_ had an idea of what to say, whether or not anyone else wanted to hear it.

When he spoke again his voice was back to a croak, now muffled by his hand. "I know it probably seems pretty low, voting her off like that. Even today, when she took that meatball to the gut. But I—just—can't—_stand her!_ Sure she doesn't something like that once in a while—I mean, she _always_ makes a show like she's trying to do things for me—but it's just not _worth it. _One big gesture doesn't make everything else she does tolerable. Do you know what I mean?"_  
_

Courtney bit her lip and thought for a long moment. Then she sat down on the floor beside Cody. "I think I do."

He looked up. "You do?"

"Yeah." Without thinking Courtney pulled her legs up to her chest, imitating Cody's former posture. "Actually, it kind of reminds me of Duncan."

Cody blinked as Courtney looked wistfully away.

"Like, for example...a little before last Christmas, he and I had a huge fight. I honestly can't even remember what started it. I'm pretty sure it was his fault, though," she added, as though worried Cody might think otherwise. "Anyway...we weren't talking, weren't calling each other, and I honestly wasn't even sure if we were still together anymore. I was kind of a mess about it—but don't let him know I said that.

"Anyway...about noon on Christmas day, he just shows up, out of nowhere. And keep in mind, we don't even live in the same province—he must have been driving all night just to come see me. And he had a dozen red roses, and he even brought another half-dozen for my mom—probably because my parents both hate him...and he apologized for whatever we were fighting about, and he acted like a perfect gentleman the whole day...he even wore a decent outfit. And it was...wonderful."

She smiled wanly, remembering the two of them curled up on her couch by the fireplace, enjoying the last hour or so before he had to drive home. Then her face fell and her eyes clouded.

"But then, after a few weeks, everything just went back to how it was before—he would act like an ogre, and we'd start fighting...and then we had our big breakup, and then we got back together, or I _thought_ we did, but then he—left—" Her voice started to break. "And I—I missed him so much, because when you're not fighting you kind of just _forget_ that you fight all the time, and then he came back—and wound up with _Gwen—"_

"Um—Courtney, it's okay—I-I get it—"

"—and now he's acting, I don't even know—he's not _apologizing_ this time, he's acting like the whole thing is _my_ fault, when I didn't—" She suddenly sniffed. "I didn't _do_ anything, but he's—acting like a totally different person now, and I—I don't even know—"

She suddenly gasped, feeling the dam of anger in her mind finally crumble. A strangled sob escaped her throat, and before she knew it she was crying into her hands.

Almost instantly she felt Cody's hand on her shoulder.

"Courtney, hey—don't cry, don't cry, okay?! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—make you think about all that again, or anything. I'm sorry, alright? Jeez, look at me—crying about my stupid problems and forgetting what _you've_ been through this season."

She tried to answer, but the best she could do was suck in a breath to stop crying, only to start again a second later. She waved her hand and finally managed to sputter "It's—n-not y-your fault. I just—I just don't _understand._ He and I—I thought we had something _special._ I know we fought all the time, but—I d-don't know, we'd always make up, after a week or two at most. I don't know why he suddenly decided—I mean—I thought we _had _something! Something special!"

Cody slumped back down. "Me too," he murmured. He glanced over at her. "Remember last season, when you thought he and Gwen were sneaking around?"

She sniffled. "Yeah. And _you_ kept telling me I was overreacting," she accused.

"Yeah. Well...I wasn't lying when I said that. I really did think you two were crazy for each other, even with all the fighting." His eyes fell to the floor.

Courtney sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Me too." She hesitated. "Or maybe I didn't. "_Gwen,_" she grumbled. "What does she have that I don't, anyway?"

"Nothing," Cody said with a lethargic shrug.

"Well, there has to be _something,_" she said, a bit crossly. "_You're_ obsessed with her. What's so great about Gothy McNasty that made Duncan choose her over me?"

Cody glanced over at her, looking thoughtful. "I don't like her because she's better than anyone else," he said finally. "I mean—yeah, she's hot, but you're hot too. She's smart and tough, but _you're_ smart and tough. She's just my type," he said, shrugging again. "I don't know Duncan well enough to say why _he_ chose her over you."

From her expression, Cody could tell that Courtney didn't like that answer. He looked away, and the image of Duncan and Gwen kissing came unbidden to his mind once again. He grimaced.

"What about Gwen?"

"What _about_ her?" Courtney asked scornfully.

"I mean—why would _she_ pick Duncan instead of me?"

Courtney scoffed, blowing her bangs out of her face. "No offense, Cody, but she _did _let you down once before."

"But that was with _Trent._ Trent's a good guy, and he was a good _single_ guy." Cody gave the box a third, if rather halfhearted, kick. "But she picks _Duncan_ over me? _Duncan?_ A—stupid jerk who already has an awesome, hot girlfriend and then winds up cheating on her? I can't even win against someone like _that?_"

"I guess not," Courtney said wistfully.

But Cody only seemed to be riling himself up—his spine straightened, his eyes turning hard. "I'm a hundred times better than that guy! I'm Cody Jameson-Anderson, dang it! I'm a _rock star!_ I'm the President of the Albert Einstein Fan Club at Upper Crust College! I won third prize in the Manitoba Provincial Science Fair!"

"Really? That's pretty cool."

"_Thanks!_" Cody said, still sounding angry. "And what does _Duncan_ have? A prison record and a bunch of stupid piercings? Gwen chose _that_ over me?!"

Courtney sighed. "Well, it's like you said, isn't it? Duncan likes Gwen more than me, Gwen likes Duncan more than you. It doesn't have to make sense."

She sounded bitter. Cody slumped down, a sour look on his face too. "I guess you're right. It's just...not the way it's supposed to be, is it? When I started this season—I dunno, I just had all these plans of how things were supposed to go. I'd hang out with all the people I like, and manage to win a bunch of challenges, and Gwen and I would get closer and finally hook up. Instead I've been Sierra's prisoner all season, and then I lose out to...freakin' _Duncan._"

"Tell me about it. _I_ had plans, too, you know. Duncan and I would dominate the game, and I'd get to the million and finally prove that I can win this thing. Now I'm single and about an episode away from being voted off."

Cody gave a humorless chuckle. "I guess we both have to change our plans, don't we?"

"I guess so."

A long pause came over the two. It was broken when Courtney sniffled.

"I really thought Gwen was my friend, too. Can you believe I actually miss her?"

"You do?"

"Yeah."

He looked away. "Me too."

"Well, duh."

"No, I really do. But...not like that, exactly. She's my friend. Even if..." He sighed, and when he spoke again his voice cracked. "Even if she's never going to like me the way I like her."

She regarded him for a moment. "And you're okay with that?"

"I guess. I mean—I'm not happy about it, but...I'm actually more okay with it than you might expect." He laughed again. "That always seems to surprise everyone. Even when she was with Trent, a lot of people—on fansites or whatever—just didn't seem to get that I could be bummed out and happy for them at the same time. And it's weird, because now..."

He trailed off. She looked at him expectantly. "Now what?"

"Now I'm..._not_ happy for her and Duncan. But...I don't know. I guess I'm just...resigned. I thought I could make her like me after Trent, I thought I could make her like me after she got with Duncan, but now after all that's happened, and she's off the show...I kind of don't want to bother anymore." He hunched over again. "I don't think I'm miserable because I want her to be my girlfriend anymore. _Now_ I'm miserable because I realize it was always a lost cause."

"Oh." And then, realizing that sounded inadequate, "I'm sorry."

"Thanks." He bit his lip. "I still miss her, though. And Noah, and Ezekiel, and Tyler..." He sighed. "Owen's still in the game, but he's on Team Chris. You're pretty much the only friend I have left, now."

Courtney blinked. She almost said something, but then stopped herself, looking away.

It surprised her to hear him call her that. She didn't really think of Cody as a _friend_.

But then, she remembered: all of her friends were gone now. Bridgette had never been on the same team anyway, Gwen and Duncan could go to hell as far as she was concerned, she had botched any hope of an alliance with Heather or Sierra...with a start she realized: Cody really _was_ the best friend she had in the game.

"You're not ticked at me?" she asked suddenly. Cody looked confused. "About getting _Gwen _kicked off?"

"No. I mean—I didn't want you to, and I would have done just about anything to stop it, but...I get why you did it. And believe me, I would do just about anything right now to get _Duncan_ out of the game."

She scoffed again. "You and me both."

A very long silence fell between them. Suddenly Cody rose to his feet.

"Well...I better go. If I stay here too long Sierra will come looking for me, and then I'll have lost this hiding place for good. You coming?" He held out his hand to help her to her feet.

"I don't think so. _You_ may not have tried to vote me out, but to be honest, I'd rather be alone than around Heather and Sierra right now."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. But hey—maybe come tell me if the two of them nod off before you do?"

He smiled at her. "Good idea."

Despite herself, Courtney smiled back. "Thanks."

He turned and walked away, head still bowed to the ground. She listened as Cody shut the door behind him, leaving her alone.

She waited a long time, just to make sure he was gone. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled something out.

* * *

___"WILL YOU BE QUIET?!_" Courtney screamed, turning to stare at the idiots in the back of the bus.

_Ezekiel jumped, finally noticed how many people were glaring at him, and slowly sat back down. Courtney sighed, turned around in her seat and rubbed her temples. "I swear, my head is going to _explode _before we ever get to the airport."_

_Duncan wasn't listening. He was leaning across the aisle, talking to Gwen in the next seat over._

_"So anyway, then the killer guy takes off his mask, and guess who it is?"_

_"Who?"_

_"Honestly, I don't know if I want to give it away."_

_"Come on, just tell me."_

_"Okay, it's—"_

_"AHEM."_

_Duncan turned around. "Yeah?"_

_"I thought we were discussing our plans for the game?"_

_"Well, _Gwen and I_ were discussing _X-treme Bloodbath,_ which is honestly a lot more interesting."_

_"You know what?" Gwen said nervously, putting up her hands. "I didn't mean to interrupt. We can talk about this later, Duncan."_

_"Thanks," Courtney said, a bit sarcastically, as Gwen picked up her magazine and went back to reading. Duncan rolled his eyes as he turned to his girlfriend, who had picked up a clipboard from the seat. "Alright, I made a list of possible alliance partners—those new contestants are wild cards, but in the 'dumb and easy to manipulate' category we have Ezekiel, Cody, Harold on a good day, Izzy—"_

_"Princess, we don't even know what teams we're gonna be on. Don't you think it's a little early to start working on alliances?"_

_"It's _never_ to early if you want to get something done right," she said determinedly. "You want to win this, don't you?"_

_He shrugged. "I still have half a million in the bank. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to add to it, but I'm not sure it's worth another season of this hell."_

_"Well, _I_ haven't won _my _million yet. Don't you want to help me so we can join the country club together?"_

_She said it teasingly, but Duncan just groused. Courtney's eyes narrowed._

_"Come on, I'm serious here! I really want to win this. And even if you _don't_ win, I want you to be there with me for as long as you can." She laid her head on his shoulder. "I missed you when we were broken up, you know."_

_He sighed. "Yeah. I missed you, too."_

_"Then help me out with this." She held up the clipboard with one hand, using the other to play with the string she wore around her neck. "Of course, you're right__—we don't know if we're even going to be on the same team, and if we aren't then there's not much we can__—"_

_____"Hey," he interrupted. "Is that my skull?"_

_____"Huh?"_

_____She looked at the string, and indeed, pulling on it had revealed the little wooden skull he had carved for her back in the first season. "Oh, right," she said, carefully patting it under her shirt. _

_____He kept staring. "When did you make it into a necklace?"_

_____"I don't remember. Some time after we finally got home from season two. I didn't know what else to do with it. Didn't I ever tell you?"_

_____"Nah."_

_____"Oh. Well, I thought it was a nice way to keep it close to my heart____—without clashing with my usual wardrobe."_

_________She smirked at him. He rolled his eyes, but smiled back._

_________She nuzzled up a bit closer to him, lifted her clipboard and went back to talking about the game._

* * *

Courtney turned the skull over in her fingers, her lip quivering.

She stopped wearing the necklace whenever the pair broke up, but she had been been carrying it in her pocket since the Greece challenge, because...well, she couldn't quite say _why._ She just didn't like the thought of being without it. Maybe she had been hoping to wear it again, one day, when Duncan finally apologized and the two got back together.

But that was never going to happen, she realized. The two were broken up. Permanently. Forever.

She wrapped her hands around the skull and brought them to her face, feeling a new wave of tears slipping out onto her cheek.

* * *

Cody returned to Economy Class to the most amazing, beautiful, miraculous sight that he could have ever hoped to see: Sierra had fallen asleep before he arrived.

"Where have _you_ been?" Heather grumbled, looking up from a magazine that she had read about a dozen times since the season started. "And where's Courtney?"

"Huh? Oh...I don't know. Around."

"...She's not plotting with _Alejandro_, is she?"

"What?! No. I just think she's—in the bathroom or something."

"Hmm. Good."

She went back to reading as Cody sat on the opposite bench, leaning against the wall. According to his watch it was about noon back in Canada, but it was early evening for them. Either way, it might as well have been the middle of the night as far as he was concerned. He would try to stay up for a little while, though, and get Courtney if Heather drifted off before him.

Cody wasn't sure how he felt at the moment—but, for the first time since Gwen's departure, he wasn't listless and miserable. Now he felt...drained, in a good way. Talking to Courtney had been cathartic, relieving the stress that he had built up all season. And weirdly, he actually felt sort of _free_ now that he had declared the end to his Gwen-crush. Somehow the thought that they were just friends, that he didn't need to steal her from Duncan or prove that he could get her, made him feel like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

He hadn't gotten the girl, and that sucked. But Courtney lost her guy, too. These things happened. It was okay.

Sure, he still had Sierra to deal with, and most of his friends were gone. But...that was okay, too. Right? He had Owen, once the teams finally merged. And he had Courtney.

He glanced out the window, smiling wanly.

_This season may have sucked so far, but I don't know...maybe it'll get better from here on out._

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm almost tempted to end the story here, on a cautiously-optimistic note. I won't, though. XP

This is supposed to be a major turning point in the story, so I can only hope it came out as well as it needed to. I almost feel like I should have started the story here, but those first 40,000 words were kind of necessary to set up the emotional arcs. After this we start to build more legitimate romance and AU elements.

About half of the Cody/Courtney fics I've seen are him comforting her after the events of "Greece's Pieces," only for his issues to come out as well. Here I sort of inverted it, which wasn't really intentional but I sort of like doing.

I'll try to update soon. I'd like to get this back to weekly updates, but I want to get the whole Niagara challenge done first so we'll have to see how it goes.


	11. Niagara Brawls, Part 1

"**Niagara Brawls," Part 1**

There was a longer-than-usual interval between the Swedish boat race and the next challenge; apparently they were filming an Aftermath, and they needed the extra time to fly the interns to Toronto and back. ("Isn't that a ridiculous waste of money and**—**" "Shut up, Heather.") As a result, the Total Drama Jumbo Jet was just sitting in a Stockholm airport, waiting for a few days. It was better than having to endure more challenges, but unlike when they were stranded in Jamaica the contestants weren't even allowed to get out of the plane. ("Don't wanna risk anyone running off again, _do we?_" Chris said, giving Duncan a pointed look.)

Cody spent most of his time with Sierra. Against his will, obviously.

"You seem so much _perkier_ today, Cody. Finally gotten over that nasty old temptress Gwen?"

"Um," he said vaguely.

"Great! So" she leaned across the breakfast table, batting her eyes seductively. "Any idea who _else_ you might want to pursue? Hmm?" She giggled coyly.

"_Um…_"

Courtney, who had just gotten her tray of slop from Chef, rolled her eyes. Then she thought for a moment, turned her face into a scowl and headed over to their table.

"Ugh, _Cody?_ Are you the one who left a huge _hairball_ in the bathroom sink?"

Sierra instantly turned, her eyes widening. Cody merely blinked.

"Huh? No."

"Well, it _looks_ like your hair. It's all**—**soft and silky-looking, and has that**—**adorable shade of chestnut that no other mere mortal could _possibly__**—**_"

"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" Sierra said, jumping to her feet before scurrying away.

Cody blinked again as Courtney took Sierra's seat. Then he noticed her smirk and grinned back at her.

"_Heeey!_ Thanks, Courtney!"

"I'm surprised it worked, to be honest. I wasn't sure even _she_ was crazy enough to want a disgusting hairball."

"Please. If anything, _I'm_ surprised she hasn't just started chopping off my hair while I sleep."

Courtney snickered.

* * *

**Cody:** I admit I was going through a funk for a while, but I'm feeling a lot better now. The only problem is Sierra. She's _still_ acting like a total lunatic around me. _(sigh)_ But Courtney's pretty good at reeling her in. It's nice to have someone on this team who isn't evil or crazy. (Most of the time.)

* * *

"So…how have you been?" Cody asked, lifting a spoonful of gruel toward his face. "Since…you know. We talked the other night?"

Courtney looked down at her food and gave a small shrug. "I don't know. Alright, I guess."

"Yeah. Me too. But, um…if you want to talk again, I'm, you know…here. Probably being dragged around by Sierra, but still here."

She rolled her eyes, giving a wan smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

He looked away, and Courtney looked over her shoulder, in the direction of First Class. She hadn't seen Duncan since their argument that night. She should probably be happy about that, but honestly it just felt like a sword of Damocles hanging over her head; one way or another she wanted to confront him and get the whole issue over with. She just didn't know how it would go when she did.

One resident of First Class _was_ in the dining area, however. "Greetings, friends," Alejandro said, walking over and leaning with his hands down on their tabletop. "And how you are two this fine day?"

He flashed his winningest smile, specifically at Courtney. She merely shrugged again.

"Alright, I guess. What are you doing out of First Class?"

"Oh, just stretching my legs and seeing what my Amazonian _amigos _are up to. I heard you and Duncan had a fight," he added, making his face into a mask of sympathy. "I do hope that you are doing alright?"

Courtney scowled. "I'm _fine._"

Alejandro nodded sagely. "That's good, though I hate to say that Duncan was acting quite…_rude_ about it afterwards. I do not know the details, but I can understand being angry. Feel free to find me if you need a shoulder to cry on?"

"Thanks," she said, with an implicit _but no thanks_ tacked on.

"You and Duncan had a fight? When?" Cody asked as Alejandro moved away.

"Right after the not-elimination. I don't want to talk about it."

Alejandro frowned thoughtfully as he went to the confessional.

* * *

**Alejandro:** I can't believe I'm saying this, but…I do not believe that Courtney is falling for me. Which is**—**_bizarre,_ honestly. I mean, she dated Duncan, so clearly... _(frowns, rubbing chin)_ I suppose I will have to find a new strategy to deal with her.

**Sierra: **_(sticks head up from the floor) _Deal with her how?

**Alejandro:** _Agh!_ What are you doing here?!

**Sierra:** Looking for Cody's hair that's supposed to be in the sink! Have you seen it? None of the interns will fess up to taking it!

* * *

The next morning (in whatever time zone they were in) saw the interns hard at work setting up the next challenge. Which meant they were dragging unconscious bodies around the plane, because of course that's what Chris wanted them to do.

"Ow! Ow…"

"Man, you still sore from that Beth girl beating you up?"

"Yeah…" Billy said, dropping one of Owen's ankles so he could rub his bruised side. "That little girl packs a _wallop._ Still…can you believe they're making _Blaineley_ join the show instead? _Blaineley?_"

They went back to dragging Owen across the floor as Nelson shook his head. "What _I_ can't believe is that they flew us all the way from Sweden to Toronto, then back, when our next stop is just back in Canada again! Wouldn't it just be cheaper to hire some new interns for the Aftermath?"

"I'm pretty sure we're the only ones stupid enough to take this job."

"True. Okay, we're here."

They dragged Owen into the middle of the Cargo Hold, where the other contestants were already sleeping. Two swan boats were placed nearby. Nelson sighed, wiping his brow. "Any idea why Chris wants the kids in here anyway?"

"No. Let's just be glad none of them woke up."

"Think Mr. Hatchet drugged their food again?"

"I don't know; do you think any of them eat it? Aside from this one," Billy added, prodding Owen with his foot.

A crackling sound came from Billy's pocket. "Hey, Guy, we're almost at our destination! Are you and Redshirt done moving the victims yet?"

Billy took the walkie-talkie out, scowling. "This is _Billy,_ sir. _Nelson_ and I have moved all the contestants as you requested."

"Good, finally. Hey, Chef! Do the thing!"

Nelson frowned at Billy. "What 'thing?'" he asked. Billy shrugged.

Suddenly the floor of the Cargo Hold opened like a massive trap door, sending the seven teenagers and the two swan boats falling hundreds of feet through the air.

Billy and Nelson's jaws dropped. After a long minute Billy mumbled, "The hell?"

"The hell? _THE HELL?! BILLY, WE JUST BECAME ACCESSORIES TO MURDER!"_

"Calm down, Nelson! It's not that big a deal! I mean, working on this show has already made us accessories to all sorts of other atrocities, right?!"

* * *

Considering she was still stuck in Economy Class with a team that mostly hated her, Courtney had been sleeping surprisingly well since her talk with Cody. Which is why it was extra annoying when she woke up to the sound of Owen practically screaming in her ear.

Then she opened her eyes and noticed she was plummeting out of the plane toward the ground and decided to let that frustration slide for now.

"_AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!_" she screamed, along with Owen, Cody, Sierra, Alejandro, Heather and Duncan.

"HEY KIDS!" she heard Chris yell from far above them. "You better get into your paddle boats!"

Courtney looked up and noticed a large, swan-shaped ship falling right beside her. Choosing not to question it, she grabbed onto its neck and pulled herself herself in along with Owen and Sierra. Glancing over she noticed Cody, Heather, Duncan and Alejandro grab onto another vessel.

She looked over the side of the boat just in time to see it collide with a river.

_SPLASH!_

A huge wave from the impact flooded their vessel, drenching Courtney from head to toe. She groaned in anger as she and the others slowly climbed to their feet.

Sierra glanced up at the plane high above them. "I'm starting to question my mom's crush on Chris, just a _little._"

Courtney was about to respond**—**she had about five sarcastic barbs to choose from**—**when Owen suddenly flung his arm around her shoulder. "Wa**—**wa**—**water**—**!"

"_Yes,_ Owen. We _know_ we're in the water."

"Wa**—**wa**—**"

"_WATERFALL!_" Alejandro screamed, and Courtney's eyes widened as she glanced over and saw it for herself. "Quick, paddle!"

Courtney and Sierra quickly got their feet onto the peddles as Owen screamed in terror. As she rowed, Courtney put her hands together and looked up toward the sky.

"If You let us live, I will tutor _any_ brain-dead person who requires it. Even Duncan!"

"If we live, I'll forget she ever said that!"

"If we live, I promise to kill Alejandro!" Heather said.

Despite his fear, Alejandro grinned. "Why, _senorita,_ I**—**wait, did you say 'kiss' or 'kill?'"

"I don't know, which do you think the Big Guy wants more?!"

"IF WE LIVE, I'LL LET _SIERRA_ KISS ME."

Cody's boat mates were so shocked that they forgot to paddle as they turned to him. "What?" he said, motioning to the approaching cataract. "Like we're gonna make it!"

But over in the other boat, Sierra let out a strangled gasp. "_I__**—**__want__**—**__my__**—**__KISS!_" she screamed, jumping to her feet and punching the air.

Courtney only had a second to look up before Sierra had found a rope, tied it around Owen and, with impossible strength, lifted him over her head and threw her over to the boat with Cody and the others. Owen grabbed onto its neck as Sierra put the other end of the rope in her mouth and began paddling with all her might. Courtney was so shocked she forgot to help, but it turned out that wasn't necessary.

"_AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!"_

Just as they were about to go over the falls the two vessels began rocketing through the water like motorboats, sending Courtney flying against the back of her swan. Within seconds they had crashed onto the river bed, sending most of the contestants flying onto the sand. Courtney hung on for dear life and barely managed to stay in her ship.

Cody was just opening his eyes as Sierra's shadow fell over him. He looked more terrified than he had when they were about to go over the falls.

"Don't worry, Cody**—**I will restore your breathing and save your life!"

"My breathing is just f**—**"

He tried to push Sierra off of him as she clamped onto his mouth, but to no avail.

* * *

**Cody:** _(vomits onto the floor, then wipes his mouth on his sleeve, looking into the camera) _Her mouth tastes like my deodorant! And what's worse, somehow _that doesn't even surprise me!_

* * *

The contestants climbed to their feet, squeegeeing their clothes and trying to wipe away sand. Courtney caught sight of Duncan clambering out of the other swan boat. He noticed and glared, walking right past her. She winced and instinctively glared back, crossing her arms before climbing out of her own boat. For a moment she considered storming right up to him and yelling at him, but she had no idea what she could say. (At least, excluding things that she had said before.)

"What are we supposed to do now?" Heather grumbled, looking around the beach.

"Mmm!" Sierra was finally climbing off of Cody, who rolled onto his hands and knees, retching onto the sand. "Wait for Chris," she said brightly, wiping the drool from her mouth. "This was obviously part of a challenge, so he'll have to show up eventually."

Sure enough he was walking down the beach toward them, grinning cheerfully.

"So, Niagara Falls is pretty awesome, eh?"

"It _almost killed us!_"

"Like I said**—**awe-_some_."

He immediately turned toward the river; following his gaze, Cody saw one of the interns (Willy) standing in the shallows with his pant legs rolled up, holding a camera. "The Falls is the jewel in Canada's crown, _and_ one of the top-ten natural wonders in the world."

"So we're back in Canada _again?_" Heather scowled. "For a 'world tour,' we seem to spend a lot of time right back where we started."

"Yeah. We've already done the Yukon _and_ Newfoundland. Shouldn't we be somewhere more…exotic?" Cody wondered.

Chris scowled. "Niagara Falls is _very_ exotic."

"No it's not! My school takes a field trip here every other year!"

"This is still even Ontario, couldn't we have visited Nunavut or something?"

"We're like, half an hour from my house…"

"Okay, everybody _quiet!_" Chris snapped. He took a deep breath and then, in a more pleasant tone, added "Besides, half of it is in the United States."

Heather rolled her eyes. "The U.S. is just Canada with less snow! And anyway, we've been there _twice,_ so**—**"

"_Niagara Falls is also known for its fabulous casino, where we'll be headed for the first part of the challenge!_" Chris said loudly, drowning the teenagers out.

That got everyone's attetion. "Oh man, seriously?" Duncan said.

"Is it a blackjack tournament, perhaps?" Alejandro, of course, was a master of card games.

"Or slots?" Cody suggested.

"_Buffet?!_" Owen, of course.

Heather's eyes narrowed. "Wait…none of those things are life-threatening. This is too good to be true, isn't it?"

* * *

"I knew it was too good to be true."

"Since you're all underage, we had to move the challenge from the gambling floor to the far-less-exciting casino concert hall."

"Are we at least having some sort of singing competition?" Courtney asked.

"Nope!"

"So this challenge is basically going to suck?"

"Ooh! Maybe somebody _else_ is performing?" Owen suggested.

"You're in luck, Owen my man. Last time on the Aftermath show, they had a _Second-Chance _Challenge, where one of the losers could score a spot back in the game. And we're about to enjoy a little number from the winner."

Cody paused, thinking about who could be coming back. Noah, maybe? Or Ezekiel, if they had fixed whatever…weird green problem he had back at the London challenge? Or**—**

"Is it Gwen? That wouldn't suck," Duncan said.

Courtney turned to him, glaring. "_Yes. It would._"

Heather and Sierra seemed to share Courtney's opinion, while Cody just stiffened, looking alarmed. To his own surprise, he didn't _want_ Gwen to come back**—**at least, not exactly. He had just gotten over her**—**or at least, he told himself he had. He wasn't sure if that would hold up if she actually reappeared. And he hadn't really even thought of what to say to her—he wanted them to remain friends, but she would still be with _Duncan, _and while he had decided to accept that he wasn't quite ready to see them sucking each other's faces again so soon**—**

Chris had taken an envelope out of his shirt pocket and opened it up to read. "She's two hundred pounds of sassy in a ninety-pound package, _and _she's wearing twelve pounds of mascara. _Iiiiiit's__**—**_" His jaw suddenly dropped. "_Blaineley?!_"

"_Qué?_"

"What?!"

"_Who?!_"

Cody looked at the stage as a massive series of platforms rose up out of nowhere, topped with**—**some woman? For the briefest second he thought it was Bridgette or Lindsay in a red dress, but no, this was**—**someone else. He couldn't tell who.

"_**Blaine-Blaine-Blaine-Blaine-Blainerific is my name,  
Dishing dirt is my game,  
Invading your TV with my Blainerific fame!"**_

"_**Buh-Blainerific!**_" Owen suddenly called, earning a confused look from Cody. "_**Suh-Suh-So terrific!**_"

The woman descended the platforms, posing like a runway model. "_**I'm fuh-fuh-famous! Famous!**_"

Courtney turned to Cody, looking irate. "_**This is SO against the rules! Do they think we're a bunch of fools?!**_"

Both of them jumped as Chef suddenly got right up in Courtney's face. "_**Rules?! This ain't no Sunday school!**_"

"_**Miss Thang up there's a 'ratings jewel,'**_" Billy muttered from the sidelines, making air quotations.

"_**Buh-Blainerific!**_"

"_**Muh-Muh-Makes me si-ick!**_" Heather retorted.

The woman was now sauntering on the stage, still singing about herself, while Owen looked star-struck and the rest of the contestants looked (and sang) annoyed. Whoever this lady was, she certainly provoked a strong reaction in people. At least people who knew who she was.

Cody scrunched up his face. She looked**—**_kind of_ familiar. But "blonde," "attractive" and "apparently famous" had a lot of overlap.

He finally turned away from the show and elbowed Courtney. "Who's that girl again?"

Courtney opened her mouth to answer, when Mystery Woman interrupted with a roar of fury.

"_WHAT?!_"

She was instantly right in front of Cody, who drew back in terror. "Who _am _I? Who am _I?! _WHO ARE _YOU?!_ I'm the host of _The Puppy Bachelorette! _I was nominated for a Gemmie Award! I interviewed _you_ for _Celebrity Manhunt!_"

By this point Cody was hiding behind Courtney, who looked outraged at the both of them.

"Yeah, okay, we all know who you are!" she snapped.

"Um, actually**—**"

"The question is, why are you _here?_"

"That's a good question," Chris growled, and Cody was startled to see how angry he looked as he approached the woman. "The producers hired you to help with the Aftermaths, but _this_ is _my_ show! _I'm_ the only star we need around here!"

Blaineley put one hand on her hip. "Sorry, Chris,but I have no choice. I accidentally won that little contest, and according to my contract, that means the two of us are stuck with each other."

"How could you win?! It was a _Second-Chance_ Challenge! You were never on the show to begin with!"

"Huh. I've never known _you_ to contest a loophole."

"_I'm calling the producers!_"

He took out his cell phone and stormed backstage, passing the interns. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Did nobody tell him that she was coming?"

"I guess not."

"Wow. That's…kind of hilarious."

Blaineley crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, glancing over at the other contestants. Sierra was talking a mile per minute, telling Cody everything there was to know about their new player.

"I mean, _how_ could you not remember her? _Celebrity Manhunt _was among your top ten best interviews of all time!"

"Well, I had a lot of them after the band and I released our first album, I can't really keep track…"

Heather and Alejandro were both staring at Blaineley, the first angry, the latter thoughtful. After a moment she turned and noticed Chef watching her too, eyebrow raised slightly.

She winked at him. He blinked and looked away.

* * *

Chris came back, looking annoyed. "Well, great. Looks like I'm stuck with you."

"Told you." Blaineley motioned to the teenage contestants. "So which one of these lame teams am I on anyway?"

Chris took a deep breath, trying to get back into 'suave host' mode. "You're on your own. Because as of right now, there are no more teams."

"No teams?" Courtney repeated. "_Yes!_" This was what she'd been waiting for! No more being stuck with Heather and Sierra! No more threat of instant elimination! She had a chance now!

She glanced over at the former members of Team Chris, who were shaking hands. A second later Duncan turned and met her gaze. His eyes narrowed, but his mouth turned up into a nasty smirk.

She instantly scowled, crossing her arms. Well, this was a mixed bag, really. With the teams disbanded, Duncan was now upgraded from her enemy to an outright threat**—**and with Heather and Sierra that equaled three possible votes against her. In terms of possible allies she had Owen, Alejandro, Blaineley and Cody, but she would need two on her side to even equal the combined force against her.

"CODY! We made it all the way to the merger! Isn't this wonderful?!"

"Agh**—**let me go!"

Courtney glanced over. "Sierra, get off of him. I don't think he can breathe."

Sierra shot her an angry look, but before she could respond they were distracted by the sounds of wheels. Chef was up on stage in a pink evening dress (complete with gloves and pink chef's hat), pushing out what looked like an oversized slot machine.

"What's that?" Cody asked, just as he managed to pull himself away from Sierra.

"Since we _are_ in the honeymoon capital of the world, I thought it'd be cool to drop some _arranged marriages_ on you," Chris chuckled.

"Arranged marriages?"

Cody heard deep breathing. He eyed Sierra, who looked like a starving dog with a steak dangling in front of her face. She gave off a high-pitched squeal that made his spine tingle.

Chef pulled the slot machine's lever; the reels spun around, eventually stopping on three pictures of Cody. "Each girl pulls the lever to win a husband you'll team up with for today's challenge," Chris explained. "_Cha-ching!_"

* * *

**Sierra:** _(breaths frantically into paper bag) Husband__**—**__Cody__**—**__forever! (falls over)_

* * *

The next thing the boys knew, they were grabbed by Chef and shoved unceremoniously through a trapdoor in the top of the slot machine. Along with a bear.

There was no point to the bear. Chris was just feeling dickish(er than usual) that day.

As the four boys screamed, Chris spread his arms for the girls. "Let the games begin! Sierra, you're up."

The crazy girl had rushed over to the machine faster than the cameraman (Nelson) could follow her. "Mama needs a new pair of _Cody!_" she cried, pulling the lever with all of her might.

The reels spun around and landed on**—**Duncan.

Sierra gasped as her prize began to slide out of the slot. She immediately rushed forward and slammed it shut on his arm. "OW!" Duncan screamed. "_The hell__**—**__?!_"

"Sierra! You've won**—**"

Chris suddenly found the crazy girl shaking him. "This isn't happening. This isn't happening! _THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!_"

"Um**—**sorry, 'fraid it is," he said, prying her fingers from his shirt. "If it's any consolation, I regret my first wife too, but what can I say, I still have the alimony payments."

"NOOO!"

Billy reopened the slot and helped Duncan out, while Willy took Sierra by the shoulders and steered her over to his side. She was sobbing into her hands. Duncan looked about as happy to be paired up with her.

Courtney was grinning like a Cheshire cat. This day was just getting better and better for her. Though now that Duncan was out of the running, she stopped to consider which guy she _did_ want to partner with. Her first thought was Cody, since he was already the closest thing she had to an ally, but Alejandro would probably be good at any challenge they were given, and even Owen would be a chance to recruit a new ally…

"_Blaineley_…you're next," Chris said, not quite keeping the bitterness from his tone.

Blaineley pulled the lever and got Alejandro, who flew out of the slot with an "_¡__Ay caramba!_"

"Hmm…well, I could do worse. Marrying an audience favorite _could_ be a positive boost for my image."

Sierra finally lifted her face from her hands and sniffled. "Alejandro's an audience favorite?" she croaked. "Do you**—**do you know if _I'm_ popular with the fan base? Like the shippers?"

Blaineley opened her mouth to answer, but Chris cut her off. "Compare poll results on your own time. Courtney, you're up."

Courtney approached the slot machine, walking past Heather**—**whom, she noticed, was glaring daggers at Blaineley. Alejandro smirked and puckered his lips at her, as if blowing a kiss. Courtney bit her tongue to keep from giggling.

She pulled the lever. The result**—**three bears heads.

Courtney**—**who had assumed the bear was only put in here to torture the guys**—**blanched. "I should have known my good luck wasn't going to la**—**_AGH!_"

She ran backstage, chased by her ursine husband.

"And again I'm reminded of my first wife," Chris quipped, ignoring her screams. "Heather?"

She crossed her arms as she approached the machine. "Because my remaining options are _so_ great."

She spun and got Owen, who slid out on his stomach and looked up at her in confusion. "Oh, hey, Heather. Are you and I married now?"

"Shut up!" she snapped as he climbed to his feet.

"Um**—**yes, dear."

They went to go stand with the other couples just as Courtney, panting, reappeared from backstage; she was followed a moment later by the bear, held on a chain by Chef.

"Are Courtney and the bear in Splitsville already? Ha-ha."

"Ha-ha." She turned from the bear to Chris, then looked over her shoulder at Duncan. "Well, at least the bear didn't go chasing after _other_ girls, unlike _some_ people I could mention!"

"_Hey!_"

Chris chuckled and said, "Courtney, now that you're on the rebound, let's pull the lever again for lucky husband #2!"

"As if I didn't know who I was going to get."

Sierra watched with wide eyes as Courtney spun and for some reason gasped when, sure enough, the reels landed on three Cody heads. He came out, looked up, and blinked in confusion.

"Courtney?" he said slowly. "You're not Sierra. HA! YOU'RE NOT SIERRA!"

He leapt to her feet and hugged his startled spouse. Duncan rolled his eyes as Sierra let out a wail and sobbed into her hands once again.

* * *

**Sierra:**This isn't_ fair! _Why should _Courtney_ be allowed to marry Cody, huh?! Does _she_ have a blog dedicated to chronicling her and Cody's years of wedded bliss? _I've _had our whole wedding planned since halfway through season one! I'M ALREADY REGISTERED AT _THREE _DIFFERENT DEPARTMENT STORES!

* * *

Sierra, still sniffling, glared hatefully at Courtney while Chef and the interns took out the slot machine, then set up an obstacle course that ended with four mannequins wearing wedding dresses. However, before they could finish, all four girls were approached from behind and blindfolded, then spun around in circles as they tried to protest. The boys, meanwhile, were given megaphones and instructed to stand on raised platforms opposite the gowns.

"We've already humiliated the grooms, so now it's the _brides'_ turn for a little fun," Chris said. "Because a good marriage is based on trust and the ability to argue louder than your spouse, each groom will use a megaphone to guide his blindfolded bride safely to her gown. Only couples with a dress can continue. _GO!_"

"Cody?" Courtney called, as she made her way into the obstacle course with her arms out. "Make sure that you direct me to a _tasteful_ dress. Nothing that Heather would wear, got it?"

"_Hey!_"

Cody brought the megaphone to his mouth. "Um**—**okay. Keep going straight. Wait! You're right next to a pool, now go**—**"

"LEFT!" Duncan shouted, so loud it made Cody jump.

"Wha**—**AGH!"

On pure instinct Courtney had turned left and fallen into the kiddie pool full of gross, watery pudding. She stood up, dripping and disgusting.

"HEY!" Cody yelled, turning to glare at Duncan.

He chortled. "Sorry, Pipsqueak!" he called into the megaphone. He ignored the fact that Sierra had just walked into a wedding cake, having also heard his instruction and assumed it was for her.

Heather, meanwhile, was wandering across the field with a scowl. "OWEN! I could use some help out here!"

"What? Oh, sorry. Go that way!"

"_Which_ way? _Ugh!_"

"Be careful, Heather, you're about to walk into a pool!" Alejandro called, causing her to freeze in place. "Blaineley, take five steps forward and you'll reach the dresses."

"Thanks, but it'd be nice if you didn't help the opposition!" Blaineley snapped, reaching the first gown.

Courtney had managed to climb out of the pool. "Okay, now go a few steps forward and then right!" Cody called.

Courtney followed his instructions, going around the pool, but at the same moment Sierra also glanced toward him. "Did you say right, my precious Codykins?"

"What?! Sierra, I wasn't talking**—**"

"WHOA!"

She fell off the stage. Cody facepalmed.

"Cody? What's going on?"

He sighed. "Nothing. Go**—**"

"Right!" Duncan once again butted in. "Right!"

Cody blinked in confusion as Courtney scoffed. "As if I'd believe _anything_ your lying lips say. _Agh!_"

Duncan cracked up again as Courtney walked into another kiddie pool**—**the one that she could have actually avoided by going right. Cody snarled at Duncan, then yelled into his megaphone.

"Courtney, ignore Duncan! Just listen to me! Walk a little to the left, and then forward! Then go l**—**"

"RIGHT**—**"

"—LEFT and you'll be standing right next to the wedding dress! There! Now a foot more and you've got it!"

Courtney walked into a wedding dress and took off her blindfold just in time to see Heather reach the gown beside her. "I got it!" she said, looking back over her shoulder at the guys. "Thank goodness there's at least _one_ gentleman here!"

"Ah man. There goes my fun," Duncan said, rolling his eyes.

Alejandro gave him a pointed look from the next column. Putting down his microphone he hissed "We must consider _strategy_ before feelings. I need you to remain in the game with me."

Duncan glanced over lazily. "So?"

"So did you forget that you actually have a bride of your _own?_"

He motioned over to Sierra, who had managed to climb back on stage and was now walking into a wedding bell. She stumbled backwards and crashed into the last mannequin, ending up in a heap on the floor.

"I GOT IT! Ow, my head..."

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I'm going to try to go back to updates every Friday. Also, it looks like episodes may only be two chapters long from now on. We'll have to see how it goes. Wish me luck, and please review!


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